The White Exorcist (a Blue Exorcist fanfic)

Ch. 40: Bitter, Broken Us

The next day I spent the whole day at the park. Away from Nay-Lee, Oz, Shiemi, every one. Even Rin. Which sort of defeats what I said yesterday about wanting to have closure with him. But I didn't want to, not yet anyway. I had to think about how I wanted to say it. How I wanted to tell him and explain to him. That's what I spent the day doing at the park. Thinking, planning, from nine in the morning to now. Three in the afternoon. Crazy, I know. I skipped breakfast for risk of encountering Rin.

I missed him. I really did. I still do. I miss his smile, I miss his deep blue eyes and the way they looked at me, and I miss his lips. God do I miss his lips. So soft and tender to me, he's such a great kisser I wouldn't have believed I was his first.

I raised my fingers to touch my own lips. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine what our last kiss felt like. It seems like it was ages ago. But they all feel the same. Blissful. Except the next one is better than the previous, the more he kissed me the more I came to love them. But the last one, the last one, what did it feel like?

It was nice. He hugged my body and held me close to him, making sure I wouldn't go anywhere. His breath always warm on my face before he goes in for a kiss, he caresses my cheek and tilts my chin, going in slowly. He likes to savour his kisses. Sometimes they're rushed, but on a good day he takes his time. He's such a passionate kisser, slow and sensual. Wanting to feel and taste every part of it.

I felt butterflies fluttering around in my stomach, my heart beating so loudly I thought I was going to pass out. I smiled to myself and shook my head.

Smitten little girl.

I think I'm ready now.

I reached in my pocket and pulled out my phone, switching it on.

I hovered my thumb over his number, just staring at it. I took a deep breath as I finally pressed it and held the phone up to my ear.

On the third ring, he picked up.

"Yo," he said.

"Rin?"

"Air."

"Can you come to the park? To hang out for a bit, and... talk."

"Sure, whatever."

"Uh, thanks. Bye."

"Bye." He replied coldly.

"I lov--" I didn't get the chance to finish, he hung up.

I stared at my phone and blinked. It was more brief than I expected, than I preferred.

***

Once Rin showed up, I could feel tension floating around us like a thick fog.

It was... awkward... to say the least. I didnt even know how to greet him, whether I should kiss, hug, shake his hand?

I tried to manage a small smile. "Hey." I said.

"Hey." He replied with a sigh that sounded almost winded. As if it were fatigueing him to even speak to me.

"How... how are you?" I asked, trying to make light conversation. Though I realized immediately it was a mistake, and the way Rin looked at me after I said it only confirmed it. I was talking to him like I would to a stranger, someone I'm not comfortable around to make real conversation with.

"I'm... okay." He said slowly as he sat next to me on the bench, without interest. "What about you?"

"Good." I said meekly. "Just spent the whole day here."

"Really." He said.

I looked down in shame. "Yeah."

"What do you want?" He asked. I jumped, not expecting him to cut straight through it. Though it's not like that conversation was going anywhere to begin with.