𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝟏𝟖, Jean Kirstein.

𝟗. dirty converse

Warning!!! Mentions of drug use, emetophobia and toxic relationships.

Other than that i hope you enjoy!! <3 Sorry for any typos oops

3.2k words.
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Dirty Converse
"Are these the same old dirty converse from high school?"
~5 years ago~

"Will you go on a date with me?"
You stood there surprised, back against your locker as you stared Jean in the eyes. "Really? But Jean, finals are coming up. I need to study."
He scrambled through his words, "L-look, I like you not just as a friend and I want to see where this could go."
You couldn't help but blush, "I feel the same but I really need to study." You were making excuses because you didn't want to jeopardise the friendship. "How about this, we do a study date. I'll get some food and drinks, we can chat and you know play music." He was rambling by this point, his face was bright red, "Jean..."
"Uh yeah?" He snapped out of it. "Yes, I would love that." You smiled, holding his hand. "Okay, great. How about tonight at my place at 6?"
"Sounds great, i'll see you then."
"Okay, cool. Yeah, bye. see you later," he tried to sound casual about it. You turned around to get your books and in the corner of your eyes you see Jean happily walking away, doing a celebration dance towards Thomas.

You couldn't help but smile even more.

—————

Present day.

"Y/N?"
Your eyes widened, realising who was behind you. You inhaled and looked over to him. "Jean? What are you doing up here?" You questioned, he came up next to you but kept a fair distance away. "I needed some fresh air. You?" He asked, not much emotion in his voice. "Same here..."

Jean purses his lips, you felt extremely awkward, even though you were tipsy.
"Are you still angry about me not replying to your text or have you actually grown up?"
Jean furrowed his eyebrows, "Well now that you have brought it up, yes."
You rolled your eyes, facing towards him. "Are you actually serious? Grow. Up. Jean."
He looks at you, "Look, I'm a bit drunk and I'm not scared to hold back."
"What the actual fuck does that mean?"
He shakes his head, realisation hitting him, "It doesn't matter... I'm not here to argue." He looked down at his feet. You noticed he actually sounded genuine. You frowned, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry... I just"
"Yeah, yeah. I don't need to hear it." He looks back at you, "Have a good rest of your night, Y/N." He walks away before you could say anything else.

You felt terrible.

Why couldn't you just kept your mouth shut?

It wasn't long until your phone started buzzing, you pulled your phone out and saw Mikasa calling you. You sighed and answered the call, "Hello?"
"Hey, where are you? Eren and I have been looking for you." She said concerned.
"I'm sorry, I needed some fresh air..."
"It's okay. I've lost Eren, he went off to find you."
"Don't worry, I'll text him where I am. You go find Sasha and Connie." You confirm, leaning against the railing of the balcony. "Alright, i'll see you soon," you force a smile. "Okay, I'll see you soon." She nods with a smile, hanging up the phone.

You quickly text Eren where you are then you waited for him to find you. You turn your body towards the view of the houses, trees and road infront of you. The lights of the street lamps and other houses lit up the surrounding area, it looked beautiful. The sky was black and the stats shined ever so bright. Your mind was racing around in circle as you kept replaying your interaction with Jean. It was eating you alive. It felt like someone was stabbing a knife right in your back. It hurt. A lot. Your heart ached. It ached so bad.