Into the Honeyverse

Flight Risk (2/4)

Don't know where you at
Don't know where you've been
Don't know nothing 'bout that boy you're into
Don't feel bad for you
But I feel bad for him
And all the hell you gon' be puttin' him through
Probably tell him we're a burnt out flame
Probably tell him that I ain't been on your mind
How I ain't nothing but a long gone thing
You can cuss my name, but baby, don't you lie
Thinkin' 'Bout Me x Morgan Wallen

Jake

I haven't heard from Bristol other than her text the night of the wedding to let me know she made it home and a few days later saying she needed some space. That was three weeks ago, and l'm slowly dying in the inside. Just when I thought the pit in my stomach couldn't get any bigger, she rolls into the Hard Deck.

With a guy.

And my heart shatters.

What makes it all the more awful is I know who he is, and he's a pretty good guy.  I used to tease Bristol by asking when she was finally gonna make an honest man out of him and settle down, and she'd always told me he was too tame for her.  I guess she took my jokes to heart. He's relatively reserved and stays damn near glued to her side all night and I have to fight the urge to vomit the whole time. She sends him small smiles while avoiding eye contact with me altogether. The gentle touches that used to tease my skin are now on his. I excuse myself to drown my sorrows at the bar before I do something l'll regret, like deck the dude or fall on my knees and beg her to come back. I down a beer at the bar before grabbing another and taking it back to our group.

Every time she giggles at something he says, it's stabs me directly into the heart. The only way I could make it through the night would be to get irrecoverably hammered, and I can't do that because I need to drive home. So I do the next best thing by closing my tab and heading home for the night. I manage to slip out unnoticed, perks of not being the most popular of the group I guess. used to love it, it gave Bristol and I the perfect opportunity to sneak away while nobody else had a clue. Now it's just a reminder that the one person I cared about the most doesn't feel the same way.

The squad (read: Bob) finally convinces to come out again two weeks later, and I refrain from asking if Cole will be there again. I'm not sure which answer would be worse, to be honest.  Unfortunately for me, he's there again, and just as clingy to Bristol as he was the last time. I choose to ignore the pair and move to the pool table, each strike of the cue a little more forceful than needed. This continues every Friday night and the rest of our friends seems to have welcomed him with open arms. He seems especially close to Phoenix, which doesn't surprise me in the slightest since she and Bristol are basically inseparable. Bob catches my brooding one night and calls me out on it.

"What's up with you and Baby Bradshaw? The two of you are usually attached at the hip but I haven't seen you together in months," he gently questions.

I sigh as I think how to respond, how to come up with an excuse that doesn't expose us. "We had an argument a while ago, I was in the wrong and she rightfully left my ass in the dust. She hasn't spoken to me since and it's killing me, but I guess I deserve it."

Bob starts to argue and l'm quick to cut him off.
"It's fine, I made my own bed and now it's time to sleep in it."

He just pats my back comfortingly. "Hangman, I know there's more going on than that. You look at her like she put the moon and the stars in the sky and she looks at you the same way when she thinks nobody else is looking. You two will work it out, I have full faith. And even though you can be a dick at times, you don't deserve to be hurting.  Just think about it, man."

"Thanks, Bobert. I hope you're right," I sigh.

Cole is sandwiched between Bristol and Phoenix all night and he's clearly loving the attention. I've been hurt up until this point, thinking I was in the wrong and did the unthinkable. But really, all I did was treat her well and adore her. It's not like I've stomped all over her or used her. Hove the damn woman. Anger starts bubbling in my chest, it's almost like Bob gave me permission to think that I didn't intentionally set out to hurt. Because I'd do absolutely anything in the world to keep her from hurting. My eyes slip over to her once again and she giggles as she stands, kissing Cole on the cheek before she slides out of her seat and makes her way out to the back deck. This is the perfect opportunity for me to try and talk to her, I decide.  I sneak out under the ruse of going to the bathroom and getting another drink and I don't miss how only Bob's eyes seem to follow me. That man is the perpetual stealth pilot, you'd have no idea he was observing you if he didn't make it known like he did earlier.

When I step outside, I find Bristol leaning over the railing and watching the waves. She's always had a fascination with how the moon pulls the water and I can almost hear her thoughts on it as I approach. Ialmost laugh at the irony, she's my moon and l'm the ocean, helpless to the hold she has on me. I'm just the right side of tipsy, l've had to stomach a good bit of booze to tolerate seeing her with Cole, so my inhibitions are gone. I lean forward and bracket her hands with my own caging her against the worn wood with my body. I dip my head, lips brushing her ear, and I feel more than I hear the gasp she lets out at the contact.

"When you're tastin' what he's drinkin', are you thinkin' 'bout me? When you're ridin' where he's drivin' are you missing my street? Every time you close your eyes, tell me, who do you see?" Her hands land on top of mine, gripping them tight. She hasn't slapped me, so I take that as my opportunity to continue.

"Are you thinkin' 'bout me comin' over tonight?
Wish that truck in your drive was mine just like we both know it's supposed to be? When you're up in his bed, am I up in your head makin' you crazy? Tell me baby, are you thinkin' 'bout me?"
I feel her shudder against me, and l've had her skin against mine far too often to not know that it's from her holding back tears instead of a moan.

"Bristol, shit, I crossed a line. I-" I start to apologize and pull back as she turns around to face me with tears in her eyes. "B, l'm so sorry."

Hurting her is more painful than the pull of a high G climb. The pain in my chest knowing I made her cry hurts worse than the cracked ribs, more painful the ones she nursed after I had to eject a few months back.

Her hands quickly land on my forearms, anchoring me to her so I can't step back any further. "No, Jake. It's ok. I, um. Cole and I aren't together," she quietly informs me.

My temper flares again and I turn to go punch the dumbass that was lucky enough to have her in the face. "You broke up? B, he didn't deserve you. What did he do??"

Her grip on my arms grounds me and I look down and find her eyes shining with more unshed tears.  I immediately feel like an ass again for unintentionally rubbing salt in the wound.

"Jake, you moron! Would you be still and listen for a second?!" Her voice is high pitched and a little squeaky, a sure sign that she's mad, and I mimic zipping my lips and let her continue.

She sighs. "We were never dating, he's into Nat."
My brain buffers. He had the opportunity to be with the most beautiful, kindhearted, talented, hilarious woman in the world and he picked someone else.

Bristol must see me mentally spinning my wheels and takes mercy on me as she continues. "I wasn't lying when I said he was too tame for me all the time. I offered to set him up with Nat, she could use someone as even keeled as him to keep her in line and he could use a little bit of her fire in his life. He was super nervous, so I offered to have him hang out with us as a group until he was more comfortable. He and Nat have been on a couple of dates now and are super cute together," she grins at her matchmaking skills before continuing. "I may have intentionally let you believe we were together in hopes that you'd move on from me. Ithought maybe you'd be more likely to find someone else if you were mad."

My heart stutters in my chest. "Birdy, I don't think I'll ever move on from you. I know you don't feel the same, but I don't think l'll ever care about someone like I do you, love someone like I love you." I admit.

"Jake," her voice cracks. "I do feel the same way.  That's the problem. I've tried so hard to not love you, that I fell in love with every reason I shouldn't. You're so fucking cocky, that I fell for your confidence. You're so fearless, that I fell for the freedom only you can give me. You're so strong, that I fell in love with the way I can let myself be weak with you. I was so scared of losing you the way my mom lost my dad, that I almost lost you anyway."