I'm Not Okay {FIN & EDITING}

{71} A Trip

"What the-?" I said.

"I'm so happy for you. Now you know how Rhett feels," Cassandra said and hugged me tighter. Now you know how Rhett feels? No, I don't know. He's a liar.

"What?" I said. She let go and looked at me in the eyes.

"I guess it's time for him to tell you," she mumbled, mostly to herself but I heard her.

So I said again "What?"

She sighed and grabbed the chair that was next to me and gestured for me to sit down, "You have no idea how much Rhett loves you." She stated.

"Loves me?" I scoffed. "That jerk doesn't know what love is until it smacks him on his face."

"I think he does because he found you."

I shut my mouth. That was very kind of her to say that. I nodded and she smiled. "Rhett loves you since you came to therapy. He talked about you almost every day. It's very sweet to know someone loves you that much."

"He doesn't love me," I said bluntly. "He doesn't know me so how can he love me? And don't say it was love at first sight bullshit. And I saved his ass from his girlfriend."

Cassandra nodded. "Yeah, I heard."

"What? How? You weren't there." She flashed me a smile and said "I have friends Zayden. They tell me everything."

I shook my head and smiled. "So you've been checking on me behind my back?"

Cassandra laughed, and I loved it. I loved when I made people laugh, just like when I loved to do with my mother, and I loved Cassandra almost as much as I loved my mum. I felt comfortable admitting that Cassandra was like my mother. "Cassandra is like my mom" I repeated in my mind, and it felt good.  

"You saved his ass because you care about him. I know you would just leave him alone with his girlfriend, but instead you saved him by putting yourself into a life decision."

I raised my eyebrow and said "How is that a life decision? I'm not dying or dead."

"How did you feel when Rhett kissed you or said sweet little things to you?" Cassandra asked. "Nothing," I replied quickly.

"Liar!" She accused me as she pointed a finger to my face. "I'm serious, Zayden."

I sighed in annoyance and thought back when Rhett and I kissed. It was nice and unexpected. Something about that kiss made my shy side out. And I was rarely shy.

"It was nice, I guess," I admitted, "It was unexpected but that doesn't mean anything."

"It does, Zayden. You have feelings for Rhett and when you came to school with Rhett and his girlfriend saw you, things got out of control."

"Yeah, I know. I was in a lovely dovey shit. I hate that. I hate having feelings for Rhett."

Cassandra eyes widen and mine too. Have I just said that? Have I meant that? Did I really hate having feelings for Rhett? Or it just came out of my mouth? I remembered when Rhett grabbed my hands, and the butterflies which were flying around my stomach. It was...warming.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"Don't say sorry. I knew you didn't mean that," Cassandra said quietly too. We sat in silence and I was glad she didn't say anything. I needed to stop thinking about Rhett. He was a jerk and I was a moron for falling for him. Cassandra got up quickly and cleared her throat.

"Come on," Cassandra said and walked to her chair to get her coat.

"Where are we going?" I asked and put my book bag on one of my shoulders.

She smiled and zipped up her coat. "We are going to take a trip." I let my book bag slide out of my shoulder. I wanted to ask Cassandra more questions. We walked out of her office but then she stopped.

"Aren't you going to get your coat?" She asked.

I shrugged. "I can handle the cold."

She nodded and resumed walking to the doors. She pushed them open and light snow started to fall out of the sky. Cars and trees were covered with snow, kids were throwing snow at each other, and all I said was "Wow."

I looked at Cassandra.  She smiled and shook her head. She took off her gloves and hat and gave them to me. "Cassandra, I'm fine," I said and rolled my eyes. "I know but I don't want you to get sick," she said and walked towards the doors. I smiled to myself. She really cared.

~~~

On our way, Cassandra and I talked. We didn't talk about my situation because she knew it would mess up our conversation. We laughed, talked, and augured about silly things. I was feeling happy and I haven't felt like that since when my mom died. I stopped walking when I thought of my dead mother.

Cassandra stopped too and turned around. "What's wrong?"

I blinked the snow away from my eyes and all I saw was snow and Cassandra worried face. I blinked again to see if my mom would appear but she didn't.

I smiled and went back to walking. "Nothing. I was thinking about something."

"What were you thinking about?" Cassandra asked. "About my mom. I thought I was going to see her again but instead I saw you. I think I can handle my mom being away."

"I'm sorry about your mom. Your dad told me about what happened and he asked me to help you."

I sighed through my nose. "I know. I'm not mad anymore. I knew why he wanted me to see a therapist but instead I found something better."

"A friend?"

I looked at her and smiled. "I found another mom." She looked at me and smiled big.

~~~

"Are we there yet?" I whined. We've been walking for miles and my legs were killing me.

Cassandra rolled her eyes and blew in her hands. "You know, when someone really knows you, you've become a whiny baby," Cassandra said and then smiled.

"Of course I would! I'm hungry and tired!" Cassandra chuckled and then stopped. I stopped and looked up. There was a sign and when I read it, I shuddered.

"Why are we here?" I asked and turned to look at her. Her red hair was covered with some snow; her cheeks, nose, ears were red. "Well, I asked the detectives if I could find out the room number for someone that you don't know, but will meet, and they did. It's someone you've seen but never had a good talk."

"I don't like how this idea is going," I said and flicked my hair out of my eyes.

"Come inside."

We walked inside and Cassandra talked to the woman. The woman gave something to Cassandra and Cassandra walked back to me.

"Got it. Let's go," she said. We used the elevator to go to whoever Cassandra was talking about and I was getting a little nervous. Who was it? I hoped the person wasn't going to be an asshole. The elevator stopped and the doors opened. We walked out and I let Cassandra in front of me. She stopped at the last door on the right and knocked on it.

"Come in," a woman voice said. We walked inside and a nurse was taking someone's blood. I stared at the blood and then thought of me hitting my head on the window flashed in my eyes. Then I saw blood on Eden's forehead and I heard the horn going off.

"Zayden?" I turned my head to see Cassandra staring at me with a smile on her face. "I want you to meet someone who wants to talk to you."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked towards her. My eyes widen when I saw who it was.

"Hey man, I'm Shane Nolan."