I'm Not Okay {FIN & EDITING}

{42} Session 8

Being in a class with a jerk is like being in a class with a...angel? Confusing? Yeah, me too. I thought he was going to get me in trouble by talking when the teacher is talking or throw paper balls at his friends. Like I said, Crevan is popular.

So he can be friends with anyone who just isn’t in his grade. Not only he was paying attention to the teacher, but when we had to talk to our partners, sadly Crevan told the teacher he was working with me when I told him we wasn't, he was focus the whole time.

He didn't smirk at me, he didn't crack jokes at me, he didn't make deals with me, and he didn't talk about the bet with his stupid friend. I didn't know anyone actually cares for their grade and education. And when class was over, he said that we should make a romantic poem but I wanted to make a dark poem. He smiled and he opened the door for me. It made me feel like a woman and I didn't like that feeling.

Cassandra's door opens and she smiles at me. "Hey Zayden, come in."

I walk in with my book bag on my shoulder and some papers from English in my hand. I put my book bag on the floor and sit on the chair that I sit everyday with I come in her office.

"Anything you want to share?" Cassandra said and put on her glasses.

"Um, in English class, Crevan came into my class because he volunteers to help students with their work. The teacher but him next to me and she gave us a project that is due after Halloween. We had to pick our partners and Crevan picks me as his partner. I don't know why and he knew I didn't need any help. But the whole he didn't play. He was focus the whole time and I made a deal with him. If he gets me a A+, then we can play Laser Tag," I said and re-think what I did.

I'm not doing this for myself. I'm doing this for my mom so she won't worry about me. I sigh and lean on the chair.

"Sounds like you have a date with this boy."

My eyes widen and my heart starts to beat firmly. I don't know why but a date? That's going too far. "A date? Me on a date? No. Never. And I'm not gay."

Cassandra smirks and said "I didn't say you were gay." 

She was right. She didn't say I was gay. She said it sounds like I have a date with this boy. I do not like Crevan. He's an asshole who needs to check himself before he does stupid things. Like making that bet with his friend. I snort and said "In your dreams. That asshole made a bet with his stupid friend and he said he didn't want to be gay. I told him being isn't a choice. Its either you’re gay, your curios, or your not."

Cassandra eyes widen and she quickly writes on her little black notebook. "That's very nice of you, Zayden. I've never heard someone say that about homosexuals. They always think its a choice and their disgusted by their selves when they found out the truth about their selves."

I think of what she said and maybe she is right. Thinking about Rhett and Crevan, do I like them? As a friend? Do I want them to be my friend? Maybe I was a little too cold towards them and never got to learn the truth about them instead of looking at their bad sides.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I hate when she always right or know the answer to my question. I grab my book bag and look inside to find my sketch pad when I remember I lost it. I groan and Cassandra notices my frustration.

"What's wrong Zayden?" Cassandra said worriedly.

I groan again and ask "Can I get a new sketch pad? I lost my first one."

Her eyebrows furrow together. "How did you lose your first sketch pad?" "I was drawing when Rhett came to my lunch table and his arm was bleeding. I took him to the nurse's office and I must've left it there."

"You think someone took it?" I nod and she walks to her desk and takes out a big sketch pad. She gives it to me and I open to see clear white pages with no drawings on it. I frown when I see my drawings on these pages.

"It doesn't feel right," I said and put my new sketch pad in my book bag.

Cassandra chuckles and said jokingly "Looks like you have to go on an adventure to find your first sketch pad."

"Oh fuck me!" Cassandra laughs and I feel my lips twitch. I made Cassandra laugh and I'm calling her by her real name. I check the clock in her room and its 5:45pm. I pack up my things and say goodbye to Cassandra. She smiles and gives me a quick hug before ruffling my hair.

I shake my head and walk out of her room. It’s strange of her acting like a mom when she's my therapist. Halloween is coming. Maybe I can ask Cassandra to hang out with me since she's alone and I feel bad. I walk out of the school and see Crevan leaning on his car and I stop when I see him. I glare at him and walk past him. I feel a warm on my arm and I turn around and push him away.

"Don't touch me," I hiss.

"If you listen to me, I won't have to touch you," he said and takes a step closer to me. I roll my eyes and cross my arms. Why am I standing here with this jerk? I should be walking away from him after what he did to me. If I'm late mom, it’s this jerk fault.