RIBS, the hunger games

chapter thirteen, deja vu

Felix woke up with a whimper, immediately noticing the pounding headache he had. Still half-asleep, he forced himself to open his eyes, trying to ignore his body screaming to just continue sleeping. Eight years had passed since he had won the Hunger Games, eight years had passed since his sister's death, eight years had passed since Snow forced him into prostitution.

His house in Victor's Village was empty. He had successfully pushed his sister out of his life. She and Marcus moved back into the old Lockwood house after she and Felix tried to reconcile which only ended up in another argument that was only stopped because Haymitch was there. Felix only mustered up the energy to go to her wedding three years ago and other than curt words with her, they didn't talk much anymore. He only really interacted with them every month to send them money. He was a coward in the way that he would rather hide than try to mend his relationship with his last relative.

The Victory Tour in itself was horrible for Felix. He saw Barty's family, and how his mother looked distraught as she held her newborn. It turned out that Barty was right, the baby was a girl, as he wanted it. And his younger brothers stared at Felix with glassy eyes, Felix was the victor and although he wasn't the one to bring the axe down, he felt as if he was guilty of their brother's death. Someone whose death he was to blame for was Jade's and the looks of sorrow on her family's faces were burned into Felix's mind.

Being a victor for Felix was the opposite of the glamour the Capitol had advertised.

And today was a painful day for Felix, it was the Reaping day. Two children would be chosen and in weeks, they'd be dead. District 12 hadn't had a victor since Felix and they would've fallen back into obscurity if it weren't for the rumours surrounding him. Dumb rumours about how Felix was dating the victor of the 67th Hunger Games — the year after Felix's games — Bowie Montgomery. Felix was more of an older brother to Bowie and she was one of the only other victors Felix actually liked.

The only other ones Felix talked to regularly were Finnick Odair and Cashmere Nicholo, both because all three of them were a part of the group of prostitutes Snow had. Finnick and Cashmere reminded Felix of Barty and Jade, which made him wonder if Snow would've made them do the same if they had won.

He didn't know much about Jade, though he had learned some of the reasons behind her actions. He was at peace with the fact that she had been his first kiss, that his consent was not asked for. As his consent did not matter anymore, his clients would do what they wanted regardless of his choice. But he did not hate Jade. She was a child. As was he. He did not blame her for wanting to build a story for Panem to fall in love with, it would've worked on anyone other than Felix probably. She was beautiful, and he was too. The Capitol loved couples that were both attractive. Simple as that.

Though Barty, Felix knew. He knew that if the blond boy was in his position, Snow would not care for his sexuality. After all, Felix's own sexuality had been ignored. His own comfort and wants thrown to the side like rubbish. Limiting the clientele one could get meant less power and profit for the president. Snow would not care that Barty was gay, and the media would most likely spin it so that when people thought of Barty Griffins, they thought of a womaniser. Not the kind, funny person Felix knew him to have been. He wondered if Barty would have had a lover behind the scenes, or if the only love he would feel was from people who wanted him for his body. He wondered that if Barty was alive, would he think of Felix in the same way he did with him? Would their kiss still be fetishised, the simple thing that people got off to because it was two teenage boys?

Felix left his house and went to the one right next to his — Haymitch's — to wake the man up. The two of them had become drinking buddies over the years but Felix always sobered up for games while Haymitch didn't. Haymitch always voiced his opinions on Felix's relationship with the games. How sobering up only led to more pain. That trying to help the tributes were fruitless.