Chained | Bang Chan

t h i r t y - f o u r

As far as Jang-mi knew, Chan was engaged to be married and yet she still wanted to meet up with him? Our engagement was fake but she didn't know that. Was she really okay with pursuing an engaged man?

I slide the phone back across, sitting back down on the couch and, before I could stop myself, I burst out into tears. I had held it in all night, now I couldn't any longer.

I held my hand over my mouth in a futile attempt not to make sobbing noises but with how hard I was crying, I couldn't really stop it. Right now, I felt absolutely pathetic. Yoon Mina, you're such an idiot! How could you let yourself fall for him? You knew what he was like...

"Are you crying?" I heard him mumble from beside me.

"Oh, God," I said, burrying my face into the pillow beside me. I didn't want him to see me cry. I felt him place an arm on my shoulder but I pushed it off. "Don't touch me."

"Have you been drinking more?"

I looked up from the pillow to see him holding the almost empty bottle of alcohol that I had been drinking. I hadn't realised that I had drank so much of it already.

"No," I whispered, feeling very silly for even trying to lie. He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Fine, yes. But we're not out in public so you don't have to control me."

"It's obviously making you emotional, Mina."

I scoffed at that. Does he really think I'm crying because I was drinking? It was hard to believe he was so blind to how I was feeling, how he had made me feel.

I met him in the eyes and his features seemed to soften a little at looking at me, at how upset I really was.

"It isn't the alcohol that's making me cry," I told him, sniffing and wiping the tears from my cheeks.

He reached out for me again but I instantly got up off the couch, feeling the world spin around me. I managed to stay standing, thankfully.

"Mina, stop acting like you hate me-"

"I do," I told him sternly. Of course, I didn't mean it but I desperately wished that I could. From the look on his face, my words had hurt him. "I despise you, Chan."

"I'm sorry that I can't make myself love you-"

"That is not the point," I snapped, trying to be quiet enough that Ji-Yeon and Kunwoo wouldn't hear our arguing.

As far as they knew, we had gotten engaged and were madly in love with each other. If we were caught arguing, it wouldn't exactly look good.

"What is the point then?" He asked, also getting up.

He tried to walk towards me but with every step he took towards me, I took one away from him. Eventually, this made him stop dead in his tracks. His dark eyes met mine.

"The point is you made me think that you cared about me. I let my guard down for you, the first time I've ever done that for a person and...you shattered my heart into a billion pieces."

"Don't be dramatic, Mina."

"I'm not being dramatic. I've liked you for years, I'm not dramatic for developing feelings for you."

"Well, you are an idiot."

I couldn't believe he was doubling down on this. I thought he would at least try to make me feel better but this conversation was making me feel a million times worse.

The tears began rolling down my face again. I desperately tried to wipe the tears away from my cheeks in the hopes he wouldn't see how much he was hurting me but there was no way It was working.

"How am I an idiot? Because I thought that you cared about me-"

"Yes!" He snapped through clenched teeth, also trying to be quiet. "Yes, you are. You know what I'm like. Do you honestly think I am capable of loving someone back?"

"Everyone is capable of love."

"Love isn't real, Mina."

He had said that with such seriousness. It shocked me that he could even say something so ludicrous to me right now.

"Do you really think that?"

I couldn't wrap my head around someone really feeling that way. What had happened to him to make him not believe in love?

"Most relationships just break up eventually. Either you get divorced or you stay with them long enough to hate them. Even if we think we love someone, one person is bound to get bored of the other."

"I wouldn't get bored of you. I could never get bored of you."

The minute those words had left my mouth, I felt like a complete fucking idiot and wanted to jam them back in. The reply I was expecting from him was 'Well I'd get bored of you.' But, surprisingly, that isn't what he said.

"Yes, you would. Everybody I've ever thought I loved has gotten bored of me."

I couldn't help but feel bad for him. The pain that was laced through his voice broke my heart and I wondered who had broken his heart in the past.

"Chan-"

"Stop. I know you think you're some saviour, who's sweet enough to fix the fuck up that I am but you're not. Don't try to love me, it'll only end in heart break."

I looked down to the floor, finding it too hard to even keep looking at him anymore. Before I worked up the confidence to look back up, he began to walk out the room. He stopped at the door, saying his last words.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, Mina."

Then, off he went, upstairs. I sunk down to the floor, into a sobbing mess with my head in my hands. I didn't even really hate him anymore, I just wished that we were never put into this situation with each other.

After about half an hour of crying on the floor, I got up and headed upstairs. I hated the idea of sleeping in the same bed as him but I was so tired right now that I had to sleep. Either that or pass out.

When I got in the room, I was surprised to see that Chan wasn't in the bed. I saw the en suite bathroom door lying a bit open and, when I peaked inside, I saw Chan fast asleep in the bath tub.

He really did go through a lot of effort to avoid me.

I grabbed one of the pillows and the beds blanket, placing the pillow under his neck and drapping the blanket around him. I grabbed one of the oversized hoodies on the floor, wrapping it around my body and got into bed.

Tonight was one of the worst and most eventful nights of my life and I couldn't wait for it to be finally over.