Modern Family:The life in a crazy family

Hit and Run

"Whatcha doing there? Homework?" Haley asked as she and Sophie entered the kitchen

"What do you want?" Alex asked

"We need to borrow some money" Sophie confessed 

"It's really important" she spoke again

"How much?" Alex asked

"$900" Haley said

"each" Sophie said, scared of the answer

"What?!"

"Come on. If you were in trouble, we would do anything for you" Haley told her trying to convince her

"We're not just sisters. We're best friends" Sophie said with a pleading look

"Look, I would if I could, but I don't have any money. And since we're talking, I never told anyone this before, and it..." Alex stopped talking once she noticed both her sister were gone

In Luke's room

"Hey. Whatcha doing? Playing?" Haley asked

"Yeah"

"Do you have any money saved up?" Sophie asked him

"I'm comfortable. I've saved $1,217. It wasn't even that hard" Luke explained

"Please. It's really important" Sophie begged him

"Look, I'd love to help you out, but I'm not very liquid right now. It's in a block of ice. I got the idea when I heard about rich guys with frozen assets. Assets"

"Oh, God" Sophiesighed rolling her eyes

Later, at Jay and Gloria's

"Hi. Hi. Hi. Phil, where are you, honey? I need to talk to you"  Claire told Phil

"Do you know what our daughters did?" she asked him

"Nothing. She's fine. She's reading"

"No, not her. Haley and Sophie. Sophie and Haley!" 

"Come over here. I want to talk to you two" Claire called them

"There they are. Not a scratch on them" Phil said

"Do you two have something you want to say to us?" Claire asked them

"Uh..."

"Mmm... let me help you out here. Fake I.D.s?" Claire said

"What?!"

"Mm-hmm. Sophie and Haley tried to get them and their friends some fake I.D.s" Claire explained

"We weren't gonna use them for drinking" Haley said

"We just wanted to get into this club to see a band" Sophie explained

"They took a bunch of money from them and then they lost it"

"How much?"

"$900"

"You're kidding me! Oh, my God! Oh!"

"It's not our fault!" Haley yelled

"We gave money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off" Sophie said

"What happened to your face?" Claire asked looking at Luke

"Oh. I ran into a door"

"Yeah" Phil said

"What happened to your face?" Claire asked again

"Dad hit me" Luke confessed

"It was an accident. I was trying to open up a band-aid!" Phil tried to explain

"Phil! What's wrong with her?" Claire asked now looking at Alex

"Growth spurt" Phil said

"What's wrong with her?"

"I drugged her"

"Phil!"

"I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine" Phil confessed to his wife

"Mm. All right, one thing at a time. Haley, Sophie how are you two going to repay your friends?"

"We don't know" Haley said

"I know. You go there with a couple of guys-- they've gotta get the money back"

"Who is this kid?" Jay asked

"A guy at school's cousin's friend" Haley said

"He lives in Gardena" Sophie said

"Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police"

"No cops. We can't afford a scandal right now. Claire's running for town council" Gloria said

"That was before, when I thought you could take care of the children. I take my eye off the ball for one minute, and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye, and two running a crime ring"

"Well, to be fair, Haley and Sophie started their crime ring when your eye was still on the ball" Gloria told her

"It's not a crime ring" Sophie said rolling her eyes

"We just gotta get our hands on that $900" Haley said

"I know how the mafia would handle this" Luke said

"The kid is right. I'm sick of these smart-ass punks who keep changing the rules and think they can get away with anything they want" 

"I'm gonna pay this guy a visit"

"Sophie, Haley, one of you two text me his address" 

"I'm going with you"

"Me, too"

"Oh, no. No. Nobody's going anywhere. Okay, we're not vigilantes" Mitchell said

In the end, Mitchell, Phil, Cam and Jay went to the guy's house

Later, they came home with the money

"There you go!" Jay said handing them the money

"Oh, you got it back! Thank you!" Haley yelled and both of them hugged Jay

"Hey, don't thank me. Thank your uncle Mitchell. He's the one who tackled the guy"

"I got grass stains"

"Well, I will tell you one thing. We've have learned our lesson" Haley said

"Disappointing our family and friends is punishment enough" Sophie said

"Nice try. You're both grounded for two weeks" Phil said

"Okay, we have big news. Claire has decided to run for mayor after all" Gloria annunced

"Thank you, but it's town council"

"It doesn't matter. You're not going to win anyways. But she's going to be okay. You see? I help the people. Why don't you two let me help you?" Gloria asked Jay and Manny

"Well, I can't speak for Jay, but I guess I'm just too proud to ask for help" Manny said

"Are you serious? She cuts your steak" Jay told him

"What about you?" Gloria asked

"I don't want to bother you with my business"

"What else do I do every day?"

"I don't know. I'm guessing the gym and... one other thing?" Jay tried to guess

"Dad, you should listen to her. She might really help you" Claire told him

"Huh"