Modern Family:The life in a crazy family

Express Christmas

Everybody was enjoying the time in Jay's pool

"Ay, finally" 

"look who's wearing her itsy bitsy bikini" Cam said

"He can comment because he's raggay" Phil said

"He was talking about lily" Claire told him

"So was i"

"Ay, Cam,you make her look so pretty"

"Guess who's not coming for christmas" Mitchell said

"And the spotlight shifts"

"Mom. She cancelled" Mitchel said looking at Claire

"What?"

"In a voice mail,no less"

"Unbelievable-and by that,I mean believable" Claire said

"Wait, nana's not coming?" 

"Why isn't nana coming?" Sophie and Haley asked

"I don't know. Something about her new boyfriend whisking her away on a cruise" Mitchell answered

"I just got my gift" Jay laughed

"What boyfriend?" Claire asked

"Carl the cruise ship captain. It was in her holiday newsletter" Alex told her

"Oh,I can't read that whole thing. No" 

"Yeah,after two pages about the bird she rescued..." Cam agreed

"And by the way,I don't think you can say you rescued something if it dies" Phil said

"It died?" Cam asked

"She wrote a poem about it" Jay told him

"A little too free with the free verse for my taste,but fine,we'll call it a poem" Manny said

"I stopped reading after she talked about suing her book club" 

"Oh,I stopped reading after "dear friends,family and others... " i'm sorry. Who are "others"?" Claire asked 

"Me" Gloria said

"No,you're not... Uh,maybe you are" Jay said

"Actually,she's kind of at her best at christmas. She makes a mean cookie" Phil said

"What other kind could she possibly make?" Claire asked

"Ay,it's so sad that you guys are not gonna be with your mom this christmas" Gloria said looking at Mitchell and Claire

"It's fine"

"Yeah,it's more than fine. Let's just Can we move off of mom?" Claire asked her family

"Yes,please"

"Yeah,and the upside now, Mitchell-We can spend christmas in missouri where it actually feels like Christmas" Cam said

"Wait. Hang on a second. Just because mom isn't coming doesn't mean we're not gonna spend christmas together. I mean,it's about family"

"Who do you think we're seeing in missouri,Claire,the oak ridge boys?" Cam asked sarcastically

"Hold on. I thought we were all getting together Christmas eve this year. We're on a flight to mexico the 25th" Jay said

"What do you mean,you're getting on a flight on the 25th?" Claire asked him

"You two needed time with your mom. I've already served my time with your mom" Jay told her

"Oh,dad"

"Well, uh, well, when are we gonna have Christmas then" Mitchell asked

"I heard kids are getting snatched in Mexico" Luke said to scare Manny

"What?"

"Kids get snatched here just as much. It happens all the time. Don't be scared" Gloria told Manny

"Now when you say "all the time" 

"Okay,well what about next weekend? 'Cause we don't leave till the 21st,right?" Mitchell asked

"Yeah,we leave tomorrow and we don't come back until the 21st" Claire said

"Hey,math club,could you get me some more lemonade?" Haley said

"Are we saying that this is the last time we're all gonna be together as a family until after the holidays?" Claire realized

"And for you,maybe ever" Luke told Manny

"Well,this stinks"

"Yeah,we can't do this. This is not right"

"We always spend christmas together"

"Yeah,we have to do something about it"

"Ho,ho,hold up a sec. We're all free today. We've got four hours to shop,cook,wrap,get a tree. By tonight,we could be celebrating Christmas,right?" Phil proposed

"I I guess we could do that" 

"Of course we can! Have you ever heard of express christmas? No. No,you haven't,because I just invented it. Express christmas,"tm." It's when you can't have it on Christmas day..."