C. [trans copia x trans male reader]

chapter 19

Y/n pov

I must've fallen asleep but I ended up waking up in copias arms in his room.
Just like old times.
I felt safe. Off the edge. I felt I could finally relax knowing he's safe with me right by my side.

I turn over and hug him, trying not to cry. Idk what I would've done without him.

I keep myself composed.
Mostly.

He stretches,"Are you okay?" He asks tiredly.
"Yes I'm okay." I say with my voice slightly wavering, luckily un noticeable.

I hug him tighter and start falling back asleep as it's only 6 am.

I start dreaming again. I'm in a dark void.
"It's your fault"
"You should've checked on him"
"You're attention seeking"
"You're no better than sister and nihil"
"He dosent REALLY love you"
"You trigger him with your own scars"
"Don't talk about your own problems, they'll make him feel bad".

So much was booming at me through the abyss.

Is this seriously the state of mind I'm at again??
And suddenly images apon images of him dead flood my brain intrusively.

I wake up, getting up fast to make sure he's okay. What a relief. He's still there.

He flinched as I did, "oh its you, you scared me" he says startled.
"Yeah..im sorry." I say.
"We should probably get up now." I say.
"It's only 7- oh, nope it's almost 8 anyways." He grumbled getting up.

I sit up dazed trying to process my dream from earlier the images flashing back again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks.
"I'll be just fine" I say trying not to worry him.
"Hm.."

I've already fucked up not wanting him to worry about me. Unless I'm thinking too much and he's actually clueless.

I get up and go for a shower to clear my brain fog.

Why am I getting nightmares now? Have I been traumatised? Of all people to be traumatised, it should be papa. Not me.

I finish showering and get dressed. I look at myself in the mirror feeling distressed. "What if it really WAS my fault and he dosent have the heart to tell me??" I thought. No that's silly. I collect myself and walk to breakfast.

*Mid day*

I walk around looking for copia.
"Where's papa??" I say slightly desperately.
"Out for a walk, why?" Sodo says.
"Oh shit." I whisper to myself and I call him.
"Cmon answer. Please!" I panic.
I sit in my room trying to call him.
"Cmon c..! You're better than this". Tears stream down my face.

He's dead isn't he.
He's dead.