C. [trans copia x trans male reader]

chapter 25. jelousy

[MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR]

This chapter talks about so etching trans men/ masc/ nonbinary people go through, it isn't spoken enough so I thought I'd spread more awareness through the book <3

Y/n pov:

Over the weeks, I've been feeling this overwhelming dreadful feeling to see copia..
The reason makes me feel ashamed and like a really bad person but I have to get it off my chest (literally)

Ever since his top surgery, I've felt jealous. Like the way I feel jealous for cis people. I hate myself for it. I really fucking hate myself for it.

He hasn't asked me why I'm starting to isolate myself, but I know he knows.

I lay in my room listening to music on my bed, staring into space when copia comes in.
He peers through the door and clears his throat to get my attention.
"Yes?" I ask, I accidentally came off as rude. I hate when it happens.

"Uh..it seems you've been distant with eh..everyone? Has something bothered you?" He asks softly. "No, it's fine" I said. I couldn't bare to say how I envied him.

"Right well Uh, I'm there if you need me" he says before leaving.

I lay there silently for a while. I stood up and my head spun.
I fall into the wall as I felt light headed and about to black out. I luckily didn't black out but I fell into the wall and hurt my hand. Someone heard the loud noise of me falling and rushed in. It was papa.
"Are you ok? You've fallen" he says helping me up. "Yeah. Just haven't eaten much today so I'm pretty light headed.." I said hesitantly. "Right well..should I get you something to eat?" He asks. "No!- Uh no., I'm not hungry." I said slightly aggressively. I covered my mouth as I'd shouted at him. "Im sorry for shouting I didn't mean to-" I didn't even finish speaking before I was wrapped in a tight hug.

"You're struggling.. " he said quietly. I felt like there was a bomb in my throat, "mhm.." I hummed after a while before hugging him back.
"Sorry papa.. I didn't mean to shout I swear-" he cut me off "no, shh silence!" I was confused as he spoke in a not so serious tone. "I will not have you apologising for having emotions under this roof!" He said chuckling to himself slightly. "Haha..right." I said, cheering up. "Right..let's get you out of this room. It's really fucking HOT in here, you should probably open a window or get a fan in here or something" he suggested. "Yeah I'll open the window" I say while going to open the window.

There I remember, he's still the same silly old man I got with, even after surgery.

I'll get surgery one day..I just need to wait. Its going to be hard. But it'll happen..