The Heart of Life

CHAPTER 10: "Diary..."

Liz watched Red as he slept peacefully beside her. She decided to let him at least sleep the day away to get so,e more rest, after all she needs him in good shape. She smiled at the thought and placed a small kiss on his forehead before tiptoeing out of the room. She decided to go to the library where she always stayed when she wanted to be alone to think or to read and relax. With a cup of hot cocoa, she made her way into the library slash office that Red kept in this particular safe house. She placed the mug on the table and rummaged through the extensive book collection. She was running her fingertip on the spines of the book when a certain one caught her eye. It was bright red that had a single "R" encrypted in gold calligraphy. Liz furrowed her brow and took the said book. It was leather-bound with another "R" in gold calligraphy took hold of the front cover. She ran her fingers on the cover wondering what it is; but instantly she knew it was Ray's, but what was it? Out of curiosity she decided to open it...

At first glance it looked like a sketchbook, but then she looked at the back of each of the drawings. Every drawing had something written on the back of it. She started to read them starting with the back of her naked portrait.

In his elegant writing script Red had written:
"My beloved, my Elizabeth, she looks like a goddess tonight with the moon bathing her in a shimmering light. She is such a beautiful woman. She has padding in all the right places. She is so perfect that I am terrified. She probably wonders why I am always trying to hold her close. For me she is perfection, rubbing my hands over her soft porcelain skin brings me calmness on my anxiety because as long as she still lets me touch her soft naked body she still wants to be my lover. I count my blessings everyday that she still wants to be with me because I fear someday she will not. Want me a her lover anymore because I will be too old and undesirable. I dread when that day comes. Scares me that I may not be able to keep her, Lord knows I'm not good enough to keep her. She allowed me to make love to her today for the first time, and then again this evening. Even after seeing my old scarred naked body she still bid me to come into bed. She doesn't realize how precious of a gift that is to me and I will cherish it everyday and every night she gives me this gift for the rest of my days. She is the most precious thing in my life. I love her with every fiber of my monstrous being and can't picture my life without her beautiful beautiful presence. It terrifies me because I have never felt this way about anyone before not even Carla...Naomi. Elizabeth has no idea how much she has of me. She owns my heart, body, and life. Without her, I am nothing. I want to spoil her to try and make her understand how much I adore her and try to compensate for what u lack in hope and that she will be happy staying with me. She is the light in my dark dreary life.
-Raymond Reddington"
The date was the first day they made love.

After all the Christmas Eve drawings she found one of her at their current safe house giving him a small box; the day she gave him a very special gift.
"Today, Elizabeth decided to give me a golden band that will represent our relationship. I told her I would if she would accept a ring from me as well (but we decided to keep it on a chain and wear it around our necks... Cliche, I know)" ... She smiled and fingered their "ring-lace" as he would like to call it and continued reading "when she had said yes, I was so giddy with happiness. I'm hoping someday when Fate and Faith allows and all of these are in the clear, I would have the bollocks to ask her to truly marry me, but I am terrified that she will say no. I'm not young and handsome like the type of man that she deserves. I'm old, tubby, scarred, and greying (ugh...)..." She laughed again he is such a drama queen even in times of seriousness "my life has worn me down and took its toll on my body and mind. I do not know what she sees in me that makes her stay with me. I'm damaged goods and can only cause her grief and danger in her life, with enemies a mile long. I should let her go and find someone worthy of her but I've become very selfish in my very old age. I find that I do not wish to let her go, she has agreed to become mine and not not even the gates of hell can keep me away from her. Mea Culpa, she has grief brought into her life but I love her so much I would take my own life if I lost her. Kyrie Eleison, she is the only reason I live for now.
-Raymond Reddington"