The Heart of Life

CHAPTER 11: "Half Of My Heart"

The next Red awoke he noticed two things, first was that his neck was aching from sleeping in a confronted form and he'll he had a weight on his chest that was keeping him from sitting up. He felt the weight move and heard a feminine voice him in contentment and his eyes slowly opened. He moved his head so he could see the sleep tussled hair on his chest. He was bouncing between guilt and happiness and relief knowing that it was just Lizzie. He hesitantly rested his hand on her head and tried to remember how they had ended up this way. He remember them having a late afternoon romp, and the next thing he knew when he woke up is that she was gone. He looked around the house and found her crying inside the library on the chaise lounge reading his diary. He held her in his arms as she cried her heart out, he remembers also shedding a few tears and whispering words of apologies and adorations in her ear. He didn't know what would have been worse, the fact that she read his diary, or the fact that he had kept it hidden from her after all they've been through. He felt a gent slap on his chest and looked at her. She was like a cat trying to get comfortable lying on his chest. He knew he could get used to this very morning but it also scared him because they haven't really talked about the state of their relationship and where had they left it.

Lizzie was asleep when she wacked her pillow that kept moving and grumbling. After a few more minutes she work up enough to realize her uncooperative pillow was indeed Red. Her head shot up and met his blue-green eyes before sighing in relief and putting her head back down on his chest. She knew he was thinking and worrying again because his eyes turned a slight tinge of grey instead of their usual blue-green color when he was happy or content. She sighed "you worry too much..."

Red sighed, "oh? How would you know that?" Lizzie replied "your eyes are grey which means either you are depressed or worrying about something. If you weren't they'd be the usual blue-green. I may not be able to read all of your body language or your expressions but I learned your eyes. So don't bother lying about it."

Red grumbled, "you're too perceptive for my own good, sweetheart."
Lizzie knew he wasn't going to be the first one to talk and sighed "what's on your mind, Ray?"
Red stammered which he rarely does "I'm sorry..." Lizzie asked "what for?"
Red sighed "for everything, for not telling you sooner about what a bastard I really am, for having a horrid horrid past, and even for getting you involved in my own mess of a life. "
Lizzie said, "Ray..." And he choked "how much, Lizzie?" Lizzie said "I know about why you left you family but I'm sure you didn't abandon them, Ray your life is a mystery... Your ex wife told me you make a woman feel like she's the center of your universe. You loved your family dearly, you are a good man... You raised Dembe, and loved Him like he was your own. You saved him, and took him in... You... You loved Sam, you love and care for me, you never lie, but you never tell anything as well... You almost got killed, got tortured and yes your enemies are a mile long... But you didn't want any of these... You never wanted to be the person you are now."
Red swallowed and whispered "if you want to leave me, I can't blame you..." Lizzie moved so they'd were eye to eye and replied "you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who was wrong for even starting s fight with you...I'm the one who insisted this relationship, you falling apart only bothers me because I want to help you and I don't know how to. I want to know every part of you. Even the heartbroken sobbing side. As for the things I learned yesterday, I'm glad you had plans on telling me them... I'm sad I didn't knew them before now. You know why? Because if I had known I would never had called you a monster, a liar, a psychosocial, and more things I had said to you in the past. Because now I know the real you and I don't care who you used to be. That bastard may be a part of who you are, but he isn't you. You are a very different man now that you're working with us." She gently wiped away the tear that was tracking down the side of his face. Red whispered "you're not going to dump me?" Lizzie kissed his cheek and replied "no... Like I told you a thousand times before, I'm not going anywhere ever again. I'm not going anywhere without you by my side Ray." Red was awestruck and asked "why?" The look on his face said a lot but he had to know for sure. Lizzie tapped the tip of his nose with her finger and replied "because Raymond Reddington...I love you. I have always loved you. Nothing is going to change that." Lizzie got nervous when she saw a look of complete and utter shock settle on his face. She stammered "Red? I'm sorry about everything, what I said that night...please...I was wrong."