Dream Chaser

6.

"So, Mya tell me about the first guy you ever loved?" Dr. Peterson asked.

I have been seeing my therapist Dr. Peterson since the sixth grade after getting into a fight with a bitch that was twice my size. My father thought the only way to control my temper was therapy and I refused to talk to him about the anger that I felt.

My mom left my father and us for another man that shit took a huge toll on me. It resulted in me fighting a lot in school I was so angry with her and I couldn't do anything about it but fight every bitch that tried me.

When I met Bryson during my last year of high school all the anger I felt I buried it because in the beginning being with him made me happy and made me forget about being so angry all the time.

He was charming and sweet. He understood me more than a lot of people ever could. He was my air and I was his fire. Being around him cooled me down. It was not always bad between us we shared great moments in the first three years of our relationship.

"Bryson Simpson, we met in my last year of high school. At first, I wasn't checking for him because he was younger than me, and like I thought he just was like the other guys you know just want to fuck." I sat up and rubbed my face then sigh. "Text messages and being on the phone with him for hours talking about shit I have never talk with anybody else made me fall in love with him."

I took a deep breath before continuing my story I watched Dr. Peterson write on her notepad. "He started dating this girl but I never got a chance to tell him that I liked him but we remained good friends. We didn't go to the same high school I met him at a party that's how we started talking but as I was saying he got a girlfriend and I just remember being so angry not at him but at myself because I knew I liked him and he showed me that he liked me too but I waited too late to tell him."

"When did you finally tell him?" Dr. Peterson questioned as she looked up from her notepad.

"My freshman year of college, he started his senior year and him and that girl were broken up. He came to visit me at my dorm. It was a surprise." I closed my eyes starting to remember that one particular night.

"I am finally finish, " I threw my hands up in relief after spending two hours tops writing a research paper for my history class.

Got up from my desk and I began doing a cute happy dance. Putting my hands on my knees and shaking my ass a little bit. I was interrupted by a knock on my dorm room door.

"Who could that be?" I said to myself. It couldn't be my roommate who had just left not too long ago to go spend the night at her girlfriend's dorm.

I opened the door. "Bryson, oh my God you're soaked and wet,"

"These are for you," He handed me flowers, they were orange my favorite color. "It started pouring when I got out the car and it took me a minute to remember your dorm."

"Thank you, I'm happy to see you." I smiled. "I have to get you out those clothes." I pulled him instead of my room by grabbing his hand. He sat down on the chair.

"I have this oversize hoodie and basketball shorts that I think is your size. I have socks and we can go downstairs to dry your clothes--" Bryson interrupted me.

"I have something to get off my chest and I don't think it could wait... " Pulling me closer to him he grabbed both of my hands. "Mya, I can't be your friend anymore."

I laughed, "Bryson, please tell me that you are kidding right now? I'm not fucking playing."

"I love you, Mya. And it's not on some friend shit, I loved your ass since the night of my cousin's party from that first conversation we had I knew that I wanted to be with you. "

"You have to go. You're with that girl and I don't think she would be--"

"I'm not going anywhere until you say you love me too. The only one I'm concerned about is you fuck her."

I snatch my hands away from his, "What took you so long to tell me? Why not me then her? Huh, so it doesn't work out with her and now you want me." He got up standing in front of me. "I tried to brush it off my feelings towards you and like no matter what I did you always found your way back to me. But this time I'm not holding it back because I love you too Bryson."

We looked each other in the eyes then our lips locked.

With tears in my eyes after I finish telling her the story. "I don't think I would ever fall in love with another man ever again the way I once loved him."

"Why not?" Dr. Peterson asked me.

"I can't and I refuse." Shaking my head. "I'm good that shit is dead. This session is over." I grabbed my belongings heading towards the door.

"We still have fifteen minutes left of our session, I think it is you who is refusing to move on." Dr. Peterson concluded.

I hate to admit that she was right. It was true I must admit that it was me that was refusing to move on fully because apart of me still felt like I owe Bryson some kind of loyalty.  He was my first and as toxic as this man was and all the shit he done to me I still felt like I owe him my heart.

I doubt it that I ever came across his mind. I doubt it that he knew that I still thought about him. I doubt it that he even cared about any of the shit that he has done to me. Part of healing was letting go and letting go was so damn hard. I can't just put his ass in the back of my mind and forget about him. That damn sure wasn't how I allowed myself to heal and like the way I have been constantly having these sex sessions with Sincere wasn't doing anything but making shit worse.

When all was done, it was just me and my fucked up heart.