Dream Chaser

10.

"She's just always so angry. I don't know what to do with her sometimes." I heard my father speaking on the phone from the other side of the walls.

"She has been suspended for a week for fighting some girl, I don't know what to do, Niah."

My father was on the phone with my mother. The thought of embarrassment ran through my entire body. I didn't want my mom to know that I was out here fighting and acting like I had no home training.

It's just the fact that she left me, with his ass just made me so angry. I wished that she took me with her or instead it was him that left and not her.

"I get that she's angry with you and at us, it just has been so hard."

To block out my father's voice I covered my ears with headphones and grabbed my wore out poetry book.

Why?
Do we always get called angry?
They make it seem like being angry is a bad thing
Well, excuse me for expressing my frustrations
I get angry
I cry
Then I get angry again
Can you see?
The blood that rushes through my veins
Or can you see?
The tears that falls down my cheeks
Got damn it I'm angry
She's angry
He's angry
We are all angry
Can you hear us?
Hear our screams
Can you hear me?
As I scream on the very top of my lungs
I am angry!!!

"What you over there day dreaming about?" My sister Sierra asked me bringing me back to reality.

"Nothing," I closed my poetry book. I always find myself thinking about my mother every time I was inside of my childhood home. The same home that my parents built together when they moved to the states in 94'.

During that time brownstones were still affordable to buy. Luckily, my late great grandfather had left this brownstone to my father and it remained in our family's possession. Although, nowadays brownstones were worth millions but my father refused to sell. Just like the deli was his pride possession, so was this house.

"Mhm, you thinking about that fine ass man Sincere. So are you two together or?" Sierra sat down on one of the love seats.

One thing about older siblings especially older sisters they always found a way to get all in your business. I never told my sister about Sincere, but I did confide in Diamond about our encounters. Diamond and Sierra were cool but I knew better than to think that Diamond would be deceitful and tell my sister my business. I wrote a few journal entries about us, in the back of my poetry book. I never laid my book laying around because my sister was nosy and she was the type to snoop through things. Leave her in the room for too long, she finds herself like a child touching every damn thing.

We weren't together and it didn't feel like just sex with us, I felt in my heart that it was a little more than that.  Attachment, I think. I would be a hypocrite because I said I don't do attachments and I was starting to feel the attachment that I was beginning to form between Sincere and I.

"How do you know about me and Sincere," I suspiciously raise my eyebrows.

I pray that she didn't do what I think she did which was read my poems or to make it more read my detailed journal entries that were made for my eyes only. I would literally rip her head off if she did either of those things. So, help her God!

"Well, I--" Sierra begin to open her mouth but I interrupted her.

"You read my journal entries, didn't you?" She rubbed the back of her neck.

Sierra always rubbed the back of her neck whenever she was about to lie. I knew my sister so well, although she had been here longer than me. I couldn't believe her. Going through my things. I mean damn if you wanted to know who he was you could have asked me.

"Look, I only read one journal entry I swear. Mya, you never talk to me at all so how am I supposed to know what's going on with my little sister?"

"Because it's none of your fucking business what's going on with me Sierra. Do I ask you about the niggas you are fucking?" I begin to raise my voice.

I was already heated from earlier with Chance grabbing me like I was a rag doll. Then, now being in this damn house was firing me up even more. I was angry. If it wasn't one thing, I only could have a few good days then the rest of my days would be shitty. Today was a shitty day. Why did he have to grab me like that? Why the hell did I agree to come over here to this house?

Why the hell did Sierra think it made sense to go through my things? Last time I checked I was a grown woman, not a child.

"You just haven't been the same since Mom left us, then to make shit worse this break up with Bryson made you act like a bitch towards me."

My blood was boiling now. Did she really just say that shit to me?

"You sound fucking dumb, they don't have shit to do with us. Maybe, if you were a better big sister—" Sierra cut me off.

"Your words don't bother me anymore Mya, what the hell you're going to call me a hoe? I heard everything before, you have always been Daddy and Mom's perfect little princess. What you gonna call me a disappointment?"

"I'm not even going to argue with your duck ass and matter of fact I don't even know why I agree to come here in the first fucking place. I can't stand your ass,"

"Mya, just stop. I know that you are angry but you have to learn to let it go,"

"Fuck you, Sierra." I grabbed my things to leave, but then I turned around. "Maybe, you're right I haven't been the same since mom left. Can you blame me? And as for Bryson, that man sucked the only love I had in me left." I wiped away the tears that were being to form in my eyes. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch."

Sierra nodded her head, "I pray everyday that God heals and takes away all that pain. Mya, just please let it go before it's too late."

I'm broken and I'm angry, I don't think I am ever going to be okay with Mom leaving and then these unwanted scars that Bryson left behind.