The Ties That Bind

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

     Kasden makes his way to the confessional after breakfast; Father Phillip watching him to ensure that he went. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I was rude to a wealthy woman at the charity banquet last night." He begins the comfortably familiar ritual, confessing to Father Jacob, who has always been his preferred confessor, as well as his sometimes confidante. He was a man Kasden felt he could open himself up to without being judged.

     "May I ask you why you were rude?" Father Jacob asks through the lattice partition separating the priest from the penitent.

     Minutes pass in silence, but the priest knows the young man on the other side of the confessional, so he gives him time to think about what he wishes to say. When he hears the boy sigh, the priest knows that the boy is ready to talk.

     "She is my mother." He whispers; so softly that the priest isn't sure he heard correctly.

     "She's the one who dropped me off on your doorstep. She waited for me outside the kitchens yesterday to tell me that she doesn't want anything to do with me. She told me never to contact her; she doesn't ever want to see me."  

     The boy broke down into tears again. He didn't think he had any tears left after a sleepless night crying into his pillow, but he was wrong about that. It still hurt; the ache in his chest wouldn't go away. His own mother, the woman who gave birth to him, who raised him until he was five. The woman who once loved him until his father left. She didn't want to see him or look at him. It was almost too much for the young man to bear.

<Flashback>

     "Did my mother come for me today?" The little boy questioned breathlessly as he rushed into the church after school. He always went to the church because that is where he had been left - he thought that when she came back that is where she would look for him.

     Father Jacob had heard the same question every day for the past three months. He hated to disappoint the child, but he answered the same as he did every other day. "Not today, Kas." He knew that she wasn't going to come for the boy. Her note left little doubt about that, but the priest didn't think it was necessary to dash the boy's hopes by saying anything like that; it wasn't something he needed to know.  

     Over the next several months, the boy asked about his mother less and less often, until finally he stopped asking at all. He may have stopped asking the question out loud, but still, there were days when he looked at Father Jacob with such hope in his eyes when he came through the door, that it always broke the kind priest's heart to see that hope extinguished without a word passing between the two of them.

     On those days, the kind priest took the little boy's hand and let him cry until there were no more tears left. After a while, the tears stopped along with the hopeful looks, which Father Jacob found to be even more sad.

<End Flashback>

     Listening to the boy's sobs on the opposite side of the partition, Father Jacob told the boy that he was forgiven for being rude, and that God loved him with all his heart. He stepped out of the confessional and waited for the boy to emerge. When he finally came out, the priest took him in his arms and hugged him tightly, letting him cry as much as he needed. The only witness to the emotional scene was a concerned Father Phillip, who could only wonder what was happening.

     "Why doesn't she want me?" The boy's words rough from all the tears; his shoulders shaking against the strong chest of the older man.

     Father Phillip, upon hearing those words grew indignant - once again drawing the wrong conclusion. Some priests seemed to think that all young men were interested in nothing but sex. In this case, he assumed that there had been some kind intimate relationship that the boy had gotten himself into with an older woman.

    He was about to voice his outrage when a look from Father Jacob stopped him. The older priest shook his head and mouthed the words, 'now is not the time', and for once, the younger priest held his tongue. Instead of speaking, he stepped over to the two men and placed his hand on the boy's shoulder; trying, for some unknown reason, to provide what comfort he could.

   "She said that she left me here on purpose, and that she never wanted to see me again. Why? I did my best to be a good boy. I was quiet and stayed in my room like she told me to. I wasn't bad, was I? What did I do wrong?"

     The two priests barely understood the boy's words through the gut-wrenching sobs shaking his body.

     Both older men tried to comfort the boy, the younger priest suddenly realizing that his interpretation of the partial conversation he'd overheard the night before to be completely wrong. He tried to make up for it by patting the boy's back and uttering soothing nonsense words; he was nearly as distraught as the forlorn boy now that he understood the truth about the situation.

     Some time passed with the two priests offering what comfort they could. The boy's sobbing gradually subsided; he gave out a couple of hiccoughs before he pushed himself away from the old priest. He wiped his swollen eyes and blew his nose into a handkerchief that the younger priest handed him. He was surprised to see the younger priest there; he hadn't even realized that he was one of the people comforting him in his moment of anguish. He was somewhat embarrassed and completely worn out - hours of crying and a sleepless night will do that to you.

     "You need to get some sleep," Father Jacob told him. "Let's get you back to the dormitory and you can take the day off from school; I'll give you a note to take tomorrow so your absence will be excused."

The two priests walked the boy to his room, leaving him lying on his bed, asleep before they left his side.

     Father Phillip followed the older priest to his office, seating himself across from the small desk the man used for his studies. They talked about what had happened to the boy, and what they could do to help him get through the pain he was suffering from. This was a new situation for the younger priest; he'd simply assumed that all the children in the orphanage were there due to the deaths of their parents. He'd never considered that some of them may have been abandoned here by uncaring parents. 

     He explained what he'd witnessed outside the kitchen after the banquet to the older priest and told him who the woman was. Father Jacob recalled an announcement he'd seen in the local papers about the time that Kasden was left at the orphanage, about the marriage of Malcomb VanPelt to the daughter of a well-respected family in the area. The family was known to be very active in their local church congregation. He would never have guessed that the young woman had abandoned a son like she had. It goes to show, he thought to himself, that even those who profess to be the most pious can be hiding the most dreadful secrets. He knew, as a man of God, that he shouldn't judge others if he were to follow the words of the Savior; yet he so very desperately wanted to judge this woman.