The Ties That Bind

Chapter 13

   Three boxes. Those two words summed up Kasden's life at St. Jerome's Orphanage; figuratively, of course.

     Now that he was eighteen years old and had graduated from high school; the state's rules wouldn't allow him to remain a part of the system any longer. From five years old to eighteen, he'd lived at St. Jerome's for thirteen years, essentially as a ward of the state, and in the end, three boxes summed it all up. A couple of books, and some clothing. All of it packed up in these three boxes, since he didn't even own a suitcase (the one that had contained his clothes when he'd arrived had long since been discarded). Everything else he'd ever had was the property of St. Jerome's.  

     This was the morning he'd been anticipating, and dreading; once he passed through that door, his life would irrevocably change; he would be a visitor whenever he came back. St. Jerome's would never be home anymore; the one place that had been stable and solid, for more than two thirds of his life. How would it feel to come back and be a stranger here? He didn't want to think about that right now.

     He'd been uprooted once before (he didn't like to think of that time either), and he knew that he would face similar changes again in the future, but for this life change, he was ready, he'd had time to prepare for it. At least he hoped he was ready. This was a necessary step in his long-term plan; he might not have any choice about leaving, but he had done what he could to ease the transition as much as possible.

     He'd worked at his part-time job and had a small amount of money in savings. He'd accomplished one major goal, and earned a scholarship so he could attend university where he would take the next stop as he worked to build his future. He was ready; he had to keep telling himself that he was.

     Kasden sat on his bed one last time, from today on, it would no longer be the place where he lay, where he cried himself to sleep, where he dreamed of what could have been and what could be. It would no longer be the place he sat as he and Simon discussed their plans for the future. After today, another boy would sleep here; another boy would dream, cry, and make plans for his own future. Different clothes would hang in the closet, different clutter would cover the desk; he tried to imagine what it might be like.

     Simon's side would stay the same, at least for another year, until he too aged out of the system; Kasden was sure of that one thing. Continuity and change were opposites, and yet, both were necessary, inevitable even.

  One tear slowly rolled down his cheek; he didn't bother wiping it away, it was a testament to his feelings about leaving this place. This place that had given him so much over the years; this place that had taken him in as a little boy, alone, with nobody else to turn to. He'd been safe and cared for here, and he was going to miss it.

---

     All of the children were lined up to say goodbye; tears filled their eyes, and a few choked back quiet sobs as they hugged the older boy, saying that they were going to miss him and making him promise to come back and visit. None of them were related by blood, but they were family, and there was plenty of love shared between them.

     Departure day, whether it was an adoption, or aging out, was always a rough day at St. Jerome's.

  The children's feelings were a mixture of sadness, happiness, a little fear and sometimes, even envy (especially when the child departing was lucky enough to be adopted). Each child knew that one day, they would be the one to be leaving; it was a scary thought, having to embark into the unknown by yourself. The older children expected that they, like Kasden, would almost certainly age out of the system, they'd mostly given up on being adopted, and the younger children, they still dreamed that one day they would be adopted, hopefully before they too gave up on that dream. Each one was aware of the statistics.

     Departure days were melancholy - that was just how it was. Nothing would change that; nothing could change that; the goodbyes would always be bitter-sweet for those leaving behind everything they'd ever known.

     "I'm going to miss you, Kas." Simon choked as he hugged his closest friend. His eyes overflowing with tears which he didn't bother to try to hold back. "Don't forget your promise to call us. Every week like you said."

     "I won't forget." Kasden hugged his friend tightly. "I'm going to miss you too, Simon, we're brothers, never forget that. We'll always be brothers and I love you."

     "I love you too." Simon croaked back; it was hard to talk with his throat all choked up.

     Trevor was the last one to wish Kasden goodbye, he'd hung back until the very end; wishing that if he didn't say goodbye, Kasden wouldn't have to go. His eyes, too, were swollen from crying, and he could barely speak. He didn't want Kasden to go and was taking it harder than any of the others. Kasden reached into his backpack and took out a small teddy bear, holding it out to his young friend.

     "I got this just for you, Trev. It is just like mine, I had it made special for you. When you see him, I want you to remember how much I love you and that I will miss you too. He can take my place for now, okay? When you hold him, you will know that I'm thinking about you."

     Trevor nodded, wiping his puffy eyes as he took the stuffed toy from Kasden's hand. It was just like Kasden's bear, except it wasn't all worn. Trevor hugged it, his eyes overflowing once again as Kasden hugged him one last time before he had to leave.

     "I know it's hard to say goodbye, but we can talk every week, I promise, you and Simon both. Goodbyes are not forever, Trev, but we are. You are part of my family." Kasden whispered to the little boy Trevor. "I love you Trev."

     "I love you too, Kas." The little boy sobbed through his tears.

---

     Kasden loaded his three boxes into the back of the Fowler's minivan along with Luke's stuff. They had parked in front of St. Jerome's, waiting while Kasden said his final goodbyes to the children and adults who had been so much a part of his life since he had arrived. Father Jacob hurried over at the last moment carrying an old guitar case, which he handed to the young man.

     "I wanted to give you a going away present, Kas." The old priest said. "I know how much you love music, and I thought that of all the people I would want to have my old guitar, it would be you. I've had this old thing for so many years, it belonged to my older brother, and before he passed away, he gave it to me. I want to pass it on to you, my young friend, may you play it well. Goodbye and good luck."

     "Thank you, Father, I don't know what to say. I promise that I'll take care of it, and I'll think of you whenever I play it." Kasden promised.

     He hugged the old priest who gave him a quick blessing before turning away and heading back to the church.

     "So, it looks like everything is ready. Are we all set?" Mick Fowler said, looking to see if they'd forgotten anything.

     "Yes sir," Kasden told him. "That's everything."

     He waved one last time to the people who had raised him, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, then he climbed into the vehicle beside Luke, and closed the door.

     It was time to go.