Wild Creatures

Chapter 72

When Lan Zhan goes to shower, Wei Ying drags up the courage to pick up the book his mother left for him.

For so long, he had been wanting something, anything from his parents just to say that they had thought of him...and now that it was here, right in front of him, he had no way of explaining his reluctance to actually look inside.

It looks like a dime store notebook, but even the quality of something made in days gone by, feels better than what can be bought today from the same sort of place. The cover is a faded red and the writing is deep, as if his mother traced and retraced the words.

"Wei Ying".

The characters are clear and written beautifully.

His mother wrote them.

It's as close as he will ever get to knowing them, to touching her.

Yesterday, in the dim light of the cave room, Wei Ying hadn't been able to notice all the little details about this book, which has become so precious to him. It feels brittle, as if he must take special care of it, that one wrong move will make it crumble into nothing but dust.

So he turns over the cover and holds his breath, noting the tea coloured pages and how his mother had chosen a book without lines. He blinked back tears as he passed by her opening letter to him, a declaration of love that even he was not aware of how much he needed it.

All of his anger at his parents during the time of his teenage years simply melts away, and Wei Ying hadn't even realised how much he had been holding on to those feelings like a kevlar vest, protecting himself from the doubts that any child would have about their missing parents: did they really love me?

And how brave of his mother to know and accept that her future might be one without her child? That they were going to be separated, and to that end, overcome any pain and remorse she was surely feeling, to sit down and think about actually writing him a message.

Wei Ying wipes his eyes on his own shoulder, and begins to read.

"A-Ying, my darling baby,

Every time I look at you, you're smiling back at me with no clue of what I've seen, and I want to rail at the Gods, at whoever decided that this was going to be our fate.

My heart breaks with an insurmountable pain every time I look into your innocent eyes. You were born with a smiling face, and I can only hope that the Universe lets you keep that quality. If it is going to take me away from you, then it fucking owes me that much.

Your father keeps telling me that they're only dreams for now, but he has no explanation for the many times I've told him beforehand, of things which have come to pass later on. I know he's as scared as I am, because he's becoming clingier towards both of us.

I have seen a few images of what you will look like when you're older, and all I want to do is to hug you close and never let you go.

I know it can happen in a split second. There'll be no warnings except for this gift I have, if it can be called that. I always thought I was lucky when my dreams started coming true. But it's only now that I'm wondering if this ability is really a curse?

Would it be easier?

I do not think I can leave you.

Maybe there's a reason why we should not open the lids to our futures, why we should face whatever is going to come blindly, because to do it with the certain knowledge of what is written in the stars would take more strength than I fear I have.

A-Ying, with every stroke of this stupid ball point pen, I want you to know how much I love you.

That you will be loved in return, by others than myself, is also my truth, one that makes this bitter pill that much easier to swallow.