Bound By Pain

3

Nausea rolls in my stomach. My eyes are set to slits as i glare at the couple. Their tongues twist and i dash to cover Henry's eyes. My hand collides with his navy blue cap before finally finding his eyes. I can't help but wonder why my favorite couple, note the sarcasm, has decided to punish me with such a vomit inducing scene. Not to mention poor Henry.

Henry doesn't say anything or protest. He just stands still in my arms. I can't tell if he knows what's going on. Charlie intertwines her hands with Todd's. They serenade over to me and Henry, and i finally allow Henry's eyes to open.

"No PDA when Henry is here!", I whisper shout. "Can't have him talking about kisses and all the grissely details."

"Relax. Henry is a good boy. He probably won't even remember it.", Todd puts in smirking. He never smirks. This is a first. It's beyond irritating though.

Charlie lowers herself to Henry's height (there's not much lowering to do) and greets him with a hug. He just stands there with no response.

"Hey, Henry. You remember Charlie, right. You know, the girl with hair like fire.", I say gesturing to Charlie's loosely tied hair. Henry nods. "Hi", he says meekly. I can tell he's trying to avoid stuttering.

Todd goes over to him and pulls something out of his pocket. "Here. I got you something."

He hands the pack of paint brushes to my little brother. His face lights up and he doesn't hesitate to thank Todd, stuttering way more than normal because of his excitement.

My friends may be total arses sometimes but they always make it count with Henry. Charlie takes my little brother's hand and we all walk into the diner.

We try to do this as often as possible. Todd does it to spend time with Charlie, Charlie does it to blow of some steam, i do it to make sure Henry spends less time at home and I think he agrees for the same reasons.

"What do you wanna eat?", Charlie asks Henry. She knows he probably won't respond so she starts reading off the menu. "Y--yes.", Henry says when she reads the fish and chips category.

"Okay great choice, I'll take the same.", She says smiling at Henry. He returns the smile.

I order a pizza and Todd orders a boring old burger. We spend the whole afternoon together. We talk about everything and for a few hours i don't completely hate my life. Henry even opens up to the guys during our time together and I'm glad he has people he feels are easy to interact with. Charlie promises him a movie date marathon of Marvel movies. Henry literary begs me to allow him to go and in the spur of the moment i say yes.

We split up later in the day, around evening time. Todd drives Charlie home and Henry and i walk.

"Si -- sissy.", My brother looks up at me. "Do dreams come t -- true?"

"I'm not really sure but i think they do. You just have to believe.", I respond taking his hand. "Do you have a dream?"

He nods. "Do you want to tell me?", I ask him with a small smile on my face.

"I was a--at the be--beach.", He says, his soft brown eyes boring into mine. "I was r--ru--running in the sand and I w--was allowed to re--move my hat."

I felt a slight peng in my heart. The only reason i stayed was for Henry but the reality was that i couldn't protect him from everything, himself and his thoughts included. No matter what i said he'd still be albino and he'd still be vulnerable to the terrors of the world. I didn't speak a word. I just pulled my little brother into a warm embrace and let the warm tears fall from my face onto his hoodie whilst he did the same. These were the times i felt like i had to do something, i had to try.

The rest of the walk back home was quiet and my thoughts were reeling. We stood at the door of our house. I pressed my ear against the door and listened. The house was silent, unbelievably so. Rob's car was parked outside and it was odd for him to bring peace instead of chaos home.

I pushed the door open slightly and peeked inside. It was dark and all the lights were off. I pulled Henry into the house with me and snuck cautiously into the living room. I made for the stairs making sure to overstep the loose floor board.

"You do not come into my house at such an unspeakable hour!", I hear Rob's voice booming in the kitchen.

I pull Henry behind me. The lights flicker on and everything is illuminated. My stepdad sits on one of the kitchen chairs drinking from a bottle of beer.

"You're just like your mother, can't say a single word to save herself.", He sips his beer. "Problem is: i can't stand silence when i ask a question."

I want to respond. I want to say something but I'm not brave enough. I just walk. I walk with Henry behind me. "Don't you walk away from me! Henry! Binnie! You're worthless just like your mother!", Rob shouts, throwing his bottle of beer to a wall and letting it shatter, just like the happiness i felt this afternoon.

I enter my room and lock the door. I tuck Henry into my bed and let him sleep. I'm angry, scared, sad. The frustration is too much and i only find one solution. I open my closet and pull out a small black box. I open it and take out half a bottle of whiskey. I raise it for a bitter toast and gulp it it down. It hurts that i want to cry but I can't.

I do the only thing I know that can stabilize my emotions. I write a poem.

It's all true: I'm worthless.

So i drink, i drink and drink.