Bound By Pain

15

Days pass by really quick and i don't keep track of many of the things that happen. The only thing that stands out is the fact that Mr Neville is back, which, you may have already guessed, means Grey is gone. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks and I'm starting to lose my mind over it.

After the day he showed me the pond he just cut contact. We never exchanged numbers so i can't even call. All i can do at this point is hope he's okay. The last time I saw him he didn't seem so.

I fold the paper in my hand further and pull out two sides of it creating a boat. Henry let's out an odd sound I pin as laughter and snatches the boat for me. He thanks me and dashes off outside to play in the rain.

The only thing keeping me sane is Henry. If i do lose my mind over Grey whose going to take care of him? I have to admit though he's stutter has eased and he speaks a bit more these days. He's asked me a few times about Grey. I've had no answer every single time.

I check the time on my phone: 17.02. I take it as my cue to start dinner. I pull out two packets of pasta and a carton of vegetables. The whole process is a blur as my mind analyses everything that has happened over the past few months. And the same thing that happens everytime I think of it happens once again. I'm stuck on the feeling that settles inside my chest when I think of Grey. Like a stake has been stabbed into my heart and i have no control over it.

I'm shocked out of my reverie when i hear a knock on my door. It's hesitant at first but then it becomes frantic. I grab a knife from the counter and walk cautiously taking huge strides towards the door. I open it and peer outside.

I toss the knife to my side when i see him. He's sat on the stairs, head between his legs. He seems different. So different. I crouch next to him and help him into the house and onto one of the couches.

"Hey, hey. Relax. I'm here. Talk to me.", I say rubbing his back. He looks at me eyes bloodshot and bags under them. Grey's hair is a birds nest. Dark curls cover part of his left eye and he sniffles. His cheeks are wet. Probably from crying and from the rain too.

"She gone, Bee. She gone.", He whispers voice raspy. That feeling comes back: like I'm being stabbed in the chest.

He's grandmother.

I pull him into an embrace. I can feel his heart beat. He's warm and he's shaking. The whole ordeal has my mind racing. What should I do?

I whisper words of comfort into his ear and continue to rub he's back. "I'm so sorry.", I tell him. His cries shift from outright sobs to low sniffles as time goes on. Finally, I let him out of my embrace.

"I'll make you something to eat.", I say, rubbing my palms over my thighs. I grab a small blanket from Henry's room and drape it over him. Warmth should do him good.

I serve him a plate of the pasta and assortment of vegetables I cooked. I place the plate Infront of him.

I'm not surprised when he just stares off into space. I had the same reaction when my dad died. Food just didn't taste right and sleep became foreign. It was relatable. I couldn't allow him to fall through the cracks like my mum and I had. I just couldn't.

"Hey, Grey. You have to eat.", I coerce him. He blinks for the first time over the past minute or two. He doesn't peel his eyes off the crack on our living room wall. He stares until it all becomes a blur.

I grab the fork and fork up some pasta. I motion it towards him and I get a reaction. It's not much but he finally looks my way. He's eyes are void. It's painful to see him this way but i keep my strong façade on.

He opens his mouth slowly and finally eats. A large weight is lifted off my shoulder at this. I feed him the rest of his meal. That's when he starts to speak.

"If there's ever someone I loved in this world, it was her.", He takes a deep breath. "I don't think I can live without her, Bee. She was there ever since i could remember. Teaching me to tie my shoe laces and brush my teeth. That was her. All her. Noone else."

I let him vent. I for one know he needs to vent. He needs to let all his emotions out. Let it all flow and expel all the grief as best as he could. So I let him.

"Can we go somewhere?", He asks suddenly. ".. somewhere other than here?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll just grab a coat."

I get up and grab a coat. I leave the house briefly, to which he gives a pleading look and i assure him I'll return, to go leave Henry at the neighbor's house. As always they take him in with open arms.

I get back to the house and soon enough were outside pulling out coats closer to our bodies for warmth, simultaneously navigating our way in the dark. No words are exchanged, the only sound around us is Grey's heavy breathing and our light footsteps.

I pull out a cigarette. Over the couple of weeks Grey disappeared i feel back into boxes and boxes of cigarettes. I got back into drinking but not completely. The mere thought of Henry wouldn't let me, seeing as our parents have also disappeared this past week.

I light it up and take one long pull. I exhale and the smoke spreads around me. It's relaxing and puts me at ease. I'm surprised when Grey outstretches a hand. I know what he wants and i know i can't let him make it a habit but one would never kill him. He just needs to relax for now. I give him one and he lights it.

The first swig he takes of it is dramatic. It has him bent over coughing his lungs out. I stifle a laugh. This isn't the time for my stupidity. I am surprised though when he laughs. It starts as a light chuckle, then a giggle until, finally, he doubles over in his mirth.

He laughs to the point of crying. I join him. I join him because this is the first time today he has shown me the guy i remember, the guy that makes me feel funny in his presence.