Bound By Pain

13

It's been over six minutes since my tutoring lesson has began. The only set back is the fact that Grey isn't here at all. He was there for our lesson this morning but disappeared soon after. I wonder where he went. I'm not complaining though. I'm not sure I want to be writing anything today. I'm not sure my mind will allow me.

I fiddle with my pen and whistle a song i remember my dad singing as a kid. I just don't know the tune well enough and the words are completely off. But it serves as a great distraction. My pen's clip flys off the pen and onto the floor. Despite the size of the clip the sound radiates off the floor, off the walls and into my ears. It's louder than it should be. Or maybe I'm just anxious. Why? I don't know. Probably because I last had whiskey two days ago.

I shuffle my foot to shimmy the clip towards me. It doesn't budge. All it does is move further from me. I'm forced to stand up and reach for it under the table. I crouch into an awkward position and reach out for the clip.

"Gotcha!", I whisper-shout. It's the small victories. Only, this small victory doesn't last long. On my way back up the task isn't as simple. My head slams against the table and i duck back down.

"Ouch!", I hear behind me. "That must hurt."

"Fuck! I think i bashed my head open.", I exclaim the pain spreading across my skull. Feels like all the migraines on the planet just exploded in my head, and god, it feels like shit.

Grey helps me up and i rub the spot on my head that collided with the table. Is there ever a time i don't completely embarrass myself infront of this man?

I sit back down and will the pounding to stop. It doesn't comply instantly but after about five minutes it fades off into a dull ache. If only I had whiskey right now.

"You okay?", He asks concerned. I glance at him and for the first time his hair isn't slicked back the way it usually is. It's ruffled and to be quite honest it looks pretty good on him. His eyes are red, like he's been crying but that's a bit overboard.

"Do i look okay? The table just tried to murder me.", I say.

"Well, you're a whole lot dramatic today. Is it some special occasion?"

"I wish.", I light the last cigarette i have -- the one i was saving for tonight -- and take a swig. The smoke invades my senses and i lose all focus. It only returns when the smoke grows a mind of its own and goes down the wrong pipe. I cough so hard my lungs feel like they are having a heart attack.

"You should seriously stop smoking. It's terrible for your health.", Grey says sliding a glass of water my way. How i wish it was whiskey.

"So is drinking, but you do it anyway."

"Yes, you should stop drinking too. I do it because i know when to stop but you, you do it to prove some odd point to the world.", He points out. He isn't completely wrong.

"So you can but i can't? Nonsense.", I respond. He isn't happy with my answer but he laughs in amusement. He doesn't push it.

"Are you going to tutor me or just sit there telling me what not to do?", I ask him.

"Now that i think of it, we should just enjoy the scenery today. I want to sketch."

His eyes meet mine. "Lets go somewhere quiet." He grabs his bag and i follow behind him. I'm surprised when we pass his car and go wherever he's taking us on foot. The walk is peaceful. The population thins out half way through the walk and completely disappears soon after.

It's quiet but the silence is comfortable. All i can hear are the birds chirping and the wind carrying leaves from trees around us. Reminds me how close winter is.

We take a turn into a patch of woods. The trees are tall and their leaves loom over us like green clouds. Grey doesn't speak he just heads deeper into the woods. If i were sane I'd not follow i man i met a short while ago into the woods but then again I'm not the best state of mind after my alcohol deprivation.

We reach a small opening shrouded by small bushes. We push past the bushes and I'm sure if i wasn't wearing pants my skin would have zebra prints because of it. After the bushes we come to a small pond and rock by the side. The pond has small fish swimming in it and the place is the definition of tranquility. It beautiful. So beautiful my jaw hangs open slightly at the sight of it.

My eyes skim across the small area and, god, it's the most majestic place I've seen since I left my mum's womb. I take in a deep breath of the air around me and I'm convinced it feels way better than cigarettes. Way better. I could almost, almost stop smoking because of it.