Finding Her

Dream 1

My father.
My loving father.
That was the biggest lie I ever told to his friends.
He loved me with every inch of his heart, soul and also his dick.
I couldn't escape from him.
"Shut up bitch!"
He'd yell at me if I was crying.
I roll down a hill with Lucky.
My white dress becomes stained with mud.
I come home late and my dress is covered in stains.
My dad grabs my arm
"Upstairs! You're getting a bath!"
"Dad- it hurts."
I cry as he rapes me in the bath.
"Deal with it darling"
I scream and he pulls out shocked.
"Did I hurt you baby?"
I sob as I nod rapidly.
"Oh honey, let's get you washed"
He soaps my body up and I watch as I bleed.
He wipes me off then he dries me
He carries me and he places me into my bed
"I- it hurts so bad!"
I sob as I clutch my stomach.
"Sh sh baby. I'll get you some pain meds."
He kisses my forehead and I wince.
He hurries back.
I sit up.
He forces me to chug some water down with two paracetamols.
"Sh sh now you try to sleep baby."
He goes to leave
"Wait! Can you- can you hold me?!"
"Hold you?"
"I- I want to feel loved"
I cry.
"You're loved sweetheart"
He gets in beside me and he cuddles me.
I fall asleep in his arms.
I wake up a day later and he eagerly forces himself on me
"Slow down- stop!"
I sob.
He didn't stop, he went faster.
I wake up screaming repeating the sentence.
"Baby baby Sh sh deep breaths."
"I- I can't?!"
"Yes you can baby, in and out."
"I- it hurts Janey"
"Sh sh"
She holds me until I stop sobbing.
"Let's get some breakfast baby"
I nod slightly as I pull on a robe.
She feeds me and I struggle not to purge.
I go for my supervised morning smoke.
"I- I'm gonna go back to bed"
"Okay baby. I'll be right out here if you need me"
"Love you"
I give her a kiss on the cheek.
"Love you more"
I yawn as I walk into our bedroom.
I take off the robe and just get straight back into bed.
I fall asleep quickly