Note To Self | j.jk.

6| What If

Bellamy's POV

Okay Bells, focus on the cleaning the shirt.

I had to keep telling myself this because the image of Kookie shirtless in my living room clouded my reason for being in here. The sheer thought of the way his muscles flexed when he moved, the look of confidence in his eyes because he definitely knew what he looked like. The tiny smirk on his lips from my reaction—-oh gosh, I'm horrible for thinking this.

I mean, I knew he lived in the gym, but I had no idea of what hid underneath his shirt. Well, I have noticed his arms a few times and the way his t-shirts rests against his hard and perfectly sculpted chest. But seeing it...

Snap out of it, Bells.

The fact of my dreams of Kookie are getting more intense with every sleeping moment doesn't help my guttural mind.

At first they were innocent—-little moments of us gaming or having coffee. The dreams seemed more like memories—-reminders of the fun times we have when hanging out. However, temptation now questioned these moments, surrounding me in what ifs.

What if things weren't so innocent between us and what if there is more than I want it to be?

What if...

I have dreams of kissing Kookie. Touching him. Laying in his arms and caressing his face. Dreams of how it would be if I were underneath him—-and it's wrong. So wrong.

I shouldn't think of him this way. I shouldn't imagine what his lips would taste like or how my fingers will tingle when running my fingers through his hair—-which is silky soft, by the way. The way his eyes smile when he grins at something I say or how they brighten when we stare at each other. His eyes say so much and I wish I knew what thoughts lay behind them.

And I definitely shouldn't daydream about how he would feel inside me. Gosh, I melt at the idea of this.

And then he brings me my favorite wine and flowers to congratulate me. He's adding fuel to an already wildfire in the making.

But I shouldn't. I have Mason. Mason is my boyfriend, and it's wrong to desire someone else. The shiver running through me should be enough to tell me how wrong I am.

"Mason would shit a brick if he came here and saw a shirtless man with a fucking killer body in your livingroom." Lia said as she walked inside the washroom. She leaned against the wall, smirking at me. There's no telling where her mind is...or perhaps the opposite.

"I know, but he's not coming over and I should find Kookie a shirt."

Lia stared at me. "He's cuter than you made him out to be Bells. Does he have a girlfriend?"

Part of me wondered why the sudden questions, but I smile and answer her, anyway. Lia is my best friend, but I don't want her to assume anything more with Kookie and I. "I guess. He doesn't talk about it much."

"Of course he doesn't."

The grin on her lips was so obvious in her answer before I could see it. However, I won't budge in behavior. I'll have to keep pretending—-whatever it is, I'm pretending.

My guilty heart tightened against my chest as I turn to Lia. "What do you mean?"

She scoffed. "Really? Like you don't know what I mean. Bellamy, if he's not talking to you about his girlfriend, there's a reason for that." Her phone buzzed, and she lifted it from her pocket, side eyeing me before she answered.

I pay her no mind and continue to scrub the stain from Kookie's shirt before I throw it into the washer and set the wash cycle. When I moved closer to Lia, she hiked her phone closer to her before stuffing it back in her pocket.

"Just saying Bells. Don't be so blind." She replied.

I huff and make my way over to my room. Extra large shirts are my favorite to sleep in, so I'm sure I have another around here somewhere. "I'm not blind, but it's his business, Lia. I'm not gonna make him talk about his girlfriend."

"Do you talk about Mason?"

Not a lot. I'm thinking, but I won't tell her that. "If it comes up, but I don't force conversations about my boyfriend. Why would I do that?"

Lia smirked. "That's interesting."

I find a gray t-shirt perfect for Kookie and close my drawer back, ignoring Lia's remark. "Let's just go."

We find our way back into the living room, and Kookie stood up from the couch when I approach him. Before either of us could speak, Lia chimed in.

"So, I have to go, Bells, but I'm sure Jungkook and can help with the rest of your orders." Lia turned to Kookie. "Nice to meet you." She said, grinning from ear to ear.

Kookie nodded. "Nice to meet you too, Lia."

Lia gave me a teasing glance before disappearing from my apartment. She didn't even give me a chance to question her about her sudden departure, but part of me figured what she was up to. I will scold her for it later.

"Is that for me?"

Kookie's sudden deep voice jarred me, and I about faced to give him my attention to him. His eyes are soft and I feel the warmth of them on me. I lowered my gaze and hand him the shirt. "Y-Yeah. It's mine, but I think it will fit." I offered the clothing in my hand to him, praying he took and it put it on quick before all common sense exited my brain.

When his hand rested on the shirt, his fingers brushed mine, causing my gaze to find his again. My heart thundered wildly inside my chest as my dreams seep into my reality. The what ifs haunted me again.

My mind calculated the damage I'll cause from doing the unthinkable, and as I do this, I'm inching closer to the man before me. He bit down on his lower lip and my body shook, wishing he'd bite mine. Wishing he'd kiss me already so I can get caught up in the moment and save the guilt of my actions for later.

Suddenly, Kookie's hand glided along my waist, and my insides whirled into a tornado. Everything in me wanted to rush whatever this is, but move with patience at the same time. It's a weird feeling, nothing I've experienced in a while—-not even with Mason.

He pulled me closer to him, never taking his eyes off me and said, "this fits too."

Breathing seems a little harder now and the chills covering my body are another realm of its own. I can't even process what is happening, and I'm not sure if I can stop. Well, I can, but...do I want to?

My fluttering eyes matched the tremble in my parting lips. I want to speak. I need to say something, but I can't. The only thing I could do was watch Kookie inch closer to me while consequences of me giving in weighed heavily on my mind. Not to mention the temptation of tasting his lips.

"Bellamy..."

He hasn't called me Bellamy since forever and now my name's  strangled by the lust in his voice.

Closer. He comes closer and my heart is hanging by this moment. What am I doing? Stop this Bells!

We both pause when the echo of my doorbell jerked our attention from the haze of desire fogging us both.

"Saved by the bell." Kookie's tongue slid between his lips and grinned as he eased away. "You should get that." He said while putting on the shirt I brought for him.

I can't seem to drag myself from the daze of him, but I snapped out of it and answer the door—-only to find Mason standing on the other side of it.

Cupid 💘