Note To Self | j.jk.

8| I Blame Me

Jungkook's POV

"Dude, were you really going to start out that way?" Taehyung shook his head as he scarfed another pizza in five seconds flat. He's been working out like crazy and I have to admit, his hard work is paying off. "I mean—- ", he chomped down before getting another word in. Dude, chew your food first, damn. "You don't want to start anything with you both being involved."

Taehyung is the one who knew more about me and Bells. He told me things about us I don't even mention, especially about the way we talk to each other while we're gaming.

It's no secret to my friends my feelings for the girl, but they see it even more when we all are gaming together. It's kinda hard not to flirt with someone who sounds as cute as Bells does when she talked on her headset.

Weeks passed by since that night at Bell's apartment. It's been silence on both ends, and now the silence is driving me mad.

I have to give in and tell her I'm sorry.

Bells almost did something she has too much of a good heart to do. I feel awful about it and I'm not sure how to face her or talk to her. Confiding in Tae confirmed my asshole like behavior and it should. Taehyung's right and it's what I've been telling myself as well. If we'd kiss that night, it would only bring more problems.

"And wow, the boyfriend just shows up, huh?" Taehyung asked.

I shrug. "I guess it was good timing." Putting my phone aside, I glance up at Taehyung and his cocked brows.

"Good timing, my ass. He probably has a hidden camera in her apartment."

I mean, I'm the last person to defend the man that's with the girl of my dreams, but it would be on some other shit for Mason to stoop so low and spy. Still, I don't trust him—-he's too sneaky, the smug bastard. If I ever hear he's hurt her, so help him.

"Come on, Tae. He doesn't."

Taehyung lifted another slice of pizza. "How the hell do you know?" He took a bite and chewed for a minute before he said, "we should follow his ass."

I shake my head again. Now he's saying crazy shit. "Hell no. I'm not doing that."

Taehyung nodded. "Well, you shouldn't because he's seen you, but not me. I can find some shit out if I wanted to."

Note to self—stop saying shit to give Taehyung crazy and possibly illegal ideas.

"Dude, don't." I mumbled before a quick sip of my soda. "Its not worth it. If he is hiding something, it will come out."

"Mmhm." Taehyung hummed. "If he is doing some shit behind Bell's back, that will push her more to you."

"Yeah, but if we find out he's being dirty and I don't tell her and she found out I knew before she did, then I'm fucked, right?" Wow, that was a mouthful.

Taehyung tilted his head left and pouted—-well, more like pondered. "Yeah, you don't want to do that either." He paused for a second. "But what if you tell her? Won't she believe you?"

Would she if we found out some shit about her man? Being upfront with her can put me in a good place with her, but then what? I feed off her hurt and use it to my advantage? It wouldn't seem that way, but that's exactly what it would be. I can't do that to her—-I'd be no better than Mason.

"I'm not sure, Tae. It wouldn't be cool to do that, you know? Let's drop it, okay?" I left it at that so I could change the subject. I don't need to give him anymore ideas.

Later that day, I did some shopping to ponder over other things than Bells. Working out has made sore and sleeping only makes me dream about Bells. I spent a few dollars to up my shoe game and maybe got another set of black tees to add to the collection. Once I was ready to exit the store, I notice my now ex-girl, Eliza, walking with another guy. Hm, that didn't take long, but I'm better off and so is she.

I didn't want her to see me, so I hid back to watch her. Silly, yes, but it's best to avoid awkward stares and or introductions if it came to it.

After she left my apartment horny and unsatisfied the same night of my thing with Bells, Eliza texted me a few days later. She told me I was great, but she needed to find someone greater. It kinda hurt, but the hurt stemmed from wounded pride. She deserved better than me, anyway.

I didn't want to mention it to Tae when we talked earlier. I needed him to remind me how wrong it was to put Bellamy in that situation, and it kept me from making the same mistake twice. Even though I'm available and she's not, it wouldn't be right to entice her.

Eliza looked happy as she locked arms with her man friend and exited the store. I wish her nothing but the best.

Sometimes, I wish I could be that way for Bells. To be happy for her and wish her the best. But it's not enough. Being her friend is not enough. Her best is with me. Part of me believed she knew it, too.

I need to stop this shit. I miss her so fucking much.

So, I found the nearest bench and plopped my sorry ass on and pulled out my phone. I'm pretty sure she hated me now for being silent on her. The blame is on both of us, but more on me. I was the one who softly seduced her. I don't mind taking the blame for this. So, I took a deep breath and text...

JK
Hey

I mean, it's not the best opener, but I'm going to suck it up. I miss my friend, even if I did pissed her off.

Bells
Hey

Wow, that didn't take as long as I thought it would.

JK
How are you?

Stupid question. It's obvious she's mad at me. Take a breath Jungkook. Just relax and take whatever she gives. Even if it is a curt reply.

Bells
Busy. You?

Yeah, she's hella mad. She never talked to me this way. We can do this short answer shit all day, but I don't want to.

JK
Never too busy for you Bells.
Can we meet for coffee?

A solid minute sailed by, bordering on another. She's making me wait and while I wait, I imagine how this would end up if we were together. I'm texting her after an argument and she's replying to me short to show me she's pissed. But when we'd get together, I'd kiss her. Tell her I'm sorry repeatedly until I led her into our bedroom. I'd rip her pants and panties off (not literally) and spread her legs to taste the sweetness between it. One day. One day soon.

Bells
Tomorrow. The usual.

Tomorrow, she said. The usual wanted. I'd be damned if said no to that.

JK
See you tomorrow Bells

I wish I could tell her my apologies now, but what would it hurt to wait another day?

Remember that shirtless scene in chapter 6? You can thank TAEndHONEY for that lol! 😁

Cupid 💘