The Scorpio

AFRAID

I am very afraid to get my heart broken and often break my own heart because I overthink and blow things out of proportion both in positive and negative directions. It makes me afraid of relationships both platonic and romantic because I don't want to let anyone down or be let down!

My main worry is about mutual feelings. It's always on my mind in fear of making someone uncomfortable or misreading signals that are never there. It hurts my heart but that's how it is. It's very hard for me to feel comfortable in any kind of relationship because the fear is always there. And I'm so emotional shattered and battered from my toxic marriage. Because yes the idea of love and leaving and letting you love somebody else is totally different. It's distinguishing fantasy from reality. And knowing the difference which is sometimes harder than you think.

Because on one hand you can cherish what you have and even be smitten by the whole idea but when it gets real. It becomes to real it becomes fear anxiety and a painful panic in you're chest because you think, oh my god I'm falling in love. Everyone is looking for that release there own escape from reality and sometimes love is all you truly need.

But sometimes you can't see it because real change is frightening. So i close myself off and push people who might actually care about me and want to be around me because of the slight chance that they don't like me or are just putting up with me. Because of that I try to make it easier on people to give up and move on from me by isolating myself!

And that's the tea on me, just felt like putting that out there! Just felt like expressing my feelings and thoughts with you guys because it's very lonely sitting in your own thoughts and toxic ideas you put on yourself. Its ok to relax and just not think. Which I type out but can't do!