Rehnuma

25. Eclipse

I spent half my life thinking why my brother hates me so much. Only to know that he doesn't. Only to know he did so much for me that he lost himself somewhere. I usually thought our relationship changed because I was different after the incident. I was so wound up in myself, that I never noticed he was different too.

I never saw him hurt. After he came back from what I previously thought was his hostel, he didn't come to see me for more than a week. I thought he was busy. Where actually, he was waiting for his wounds to heal so I won't have to see them. I sat and watched my father pass my mother the papers I never thought he would, yesterday. My mother was crying. And for the first time, I didn't feel bad about it. Guess I am not so much of the good guy anymore.

My parents have finally signed the divorce papers, one they dodged for years. How did I never see that she didn't pay bhaiya enough attention? I remember every year as kids, Bhaiya drew her a beautiful mother's day card. He was good at art since he was a kid, while I've always been horrible. So I used to go to the market with Dad to buy a card.

She always smiled at bhaiya after looking at the card he made. But when I gave her a store bought card that I did nothing for, she smothered my face with kisses. At first she kept away from him because she thought he was the reason her family disowned her. And then she kept away because he reminded her of dad. I was so blinded by the love she showed me that I didn't notice how she never gave the same to him. Now that I know everything my brother went through, first because his mother is a horrible parent and then because of me, all the years I've spent moping about my trauma seem so wasteful.

I didn't go through half of what he did and yet I spent my years crying about it. I feel pathetic. If I wasn't so drowned in my own pointless sulking, I could've been able to help him. A hand covers mine. He is tanner than me, his fingers are longer than mine too. Though I have a broader palm. "You cannot compare trauma Lakshay. Everyone has their own demons. His were more, but that doesn't mean yours were easier to fight either."

I turn to my boyfriend, the man who listened to me weep about the failure I am and still stood beside me. "Vivaan went through alot, and he survived. But whatever you went through doesn't become insignificant because of it. Your battles were different, your weapons were different and your outcomes were different too. He came out of his war, victorious and with a taste for revenge. But you didn't come out of it. You kept fighting with yourself, every single day, blaming yourself. You tried to be a good person. I am not saying Vivaan is a bad person. He is an interesting one though."

I chuckle before falling back on my bed. He lays beside me, softly tangling his fingers with mine. "Did you talk to him?" That's the thing. I don't know what to say to him. He said he doesn't want to talk about any of this. But to truly move on, one needs to close all doors to the past. I don't know how to say anything to him that doesn't stretch open his wounds. I also don't think I can hear him cry the way he did two days ago. Veera did the right thing, he needed to get it all out. His sobs wrecked the walls of this house. We all heard him, even through the locked door. I don't want him to go through any of that again.