Shadow Souls

Chapter Nineteen

Tyler watches me with his arms crossed over his chest, a mixture of rage and hurt covering his face.

"Please don't ruin this moment, Ty," I beg.

He drops his arms and sighs. "I want you to be happy Ali-cat. You know that right?"

"Of course, I do, and Finn does make me happy."

"I don't understand this, Alice. I've known you practically our whole lives and you've never once cared about rather the hot popular guy liked you or not."

"Well, to be fair you were the hot popular guy at our school," I remind him."

"You know what I mean," he says, rolling his eyes. "You've never cared about what guys thought about you at all. You were always happy just being yourself and would never have fallen for a guy like Finn. So, what changed?"

"Nothing changed, Ty. Have you even stopped to think that maybe if I am treating this guy like he's different then maybe it's because he is?"

"Oh, please!"

"So, you rather believe that your best friend whom you have known your whole life just suddenly turned into one of those boy crazy girls who would give up all their self-respect for a guy? Instead of thinking that maybe since this is the first guy ever that has actually made me feel something, that it could possibly be because he is someone worthy of my attention?"

I watch as Tyler slowly works to unclench his jaw, knowing that I have made a good point. Even if he's not ready to admit it just yet. "And you really think he's telling you the truth about everything?" he asks.

"Yeah, I do. I don't know how to explain it, but I have this feeling about him. Like intuition. So please just leave it alone and let me be happy," I plead.

"But don't I make you happy?" he asks softer now, dropping his gaze to the floor.

"Of course, you do! You're my best friend, Ty!"

He looks up to meet my eyes but doesn't say anything. So, deciding now is as good a time as any to have the conversation I've been dreading, I sit down on the edge of the bed and prepare myself. "Tyler, can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything," he says taking a seat next to me, close enough that if he were still alive our skin would be touching.

"What happened to you this morning? Why did you stay behind at the bridge?" I ask.

"That's what you want to talk to me about?" He seems surprised.

"Of course, I do, something was obviously bothering you today."

"Damnit Alice!" He jumps up off the bed and starts pacing in front of me. "Can't you see that you are what's bothering me!"

His sudden outburst takes me by surprise and I can't hide the hurt his words cause. "Tyler, I don't understand what I did?" I say nearly in tears.

"Why are you changing things?" he says it so softly I'm not sure his words are even meant for me, but I try to think about what he could mean anyway.

"Are you afraid that I won't stick to our plans anymore if I have a boyfriend? That I'll ruin my chance for college?"

"What? No, that's not it at all."

He comes to a stop in front of me and kneels to meet my eye level. The room is silent for several long minutes, but I don't rush him and wait patiently for him to finally speak. "Why am I here Alice?"

His voice is once again so low that I'm not entirely sure that I heard him at first. "What do you mean?" I ask, unsure of where he's going with this.

"I mean, why am I not in the clouds somewhere......or reincarnated as a dung beetle...... or just ceasing to exist at all? Why am I here!?"

That's a question I wondered myself when he first appeared to me after the accident, and as much as I wish I had the answer, I also know that the reasons didn't really matter. I was always just so thankful to have him back with me, that I chose not to spend much time questioning the hows and whys of it. But if his being here is making him unhappy, then I need to do everything I can to fix it.

"I'm so sorry, Ty."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I don't know why you're stuck here like this," I gesture to his ghost body, "but I do know that I am probably somehow to blame for it." I lean in to look him directly in the eye. "I will find a way to help you. I promise."

"Alice I--" He stops.

"What is it?"

He pauses for a moment longer before finally dropping my gaze "I think you should take a shower now," he blurts. "You look like ass, so I'm guessing you smell like it too."

"Hey, jerk!" I laugh, allowing him to lighten the mood. I give him a second in case he chooses to say anymore, but when he stays silent, I decide to leave. "Fine, I'll be right back."

I get up to grab my clothes off the floor and head toward the bathroom but look back before closing the door and see that Tyler is still kneeling on the floor in front of the bed. A feeling of unease washes over me while I leave him there to head across the hall.

I originally intended on taking my sweet time, but that quickly changed and by the time I step out of the shower, I've managed to work myself up into a complete panic that maybe Tyler won't be in my room waiting for me.

I get dressed in a rush and hurry down the stairs to quickly say goodnight to my dad then dart back up to pause outside my bedroom door. Taking a deep breath and holding it to calm myself, I slowly push the door open afraid of what I will find. However, as soon as I step in, I see that Tyler is there lying on the bed and let out a huge sigh of relief, before walking over to plop down next to him.

"I was scared you were going to take off again," I confess.

"I'm sorry I did that to you today. I just freaked out a little bit."

"About what exactly? You never really said."

"Watching you with Paige," he tells me. "You found this great new friend, that shares your gift, Alice. And now you also seem to have this new guy that you're crazy about, and who is obviously crazy about you, too. I'm just not sure where I fit in anymore."

"Wait? Is that why you wanted me to tell Paige about you?" I ask. "So, you wouldn't feel left out?"

"Yeah, I think so. I guess I just wanted to feel like I was still a part of your life, and not just on the outside anymore."

My heart breaks for my best friend, and I feel the tears as they start to slip down my cheeks. "And all these changes in my life are making you feel like I won't need you anymore," I say, now understanding his freak out.

"Please don't cry, Alice," Ty says, reaching out his hand to wipe a tear away, before catching himself.

"It's okay Tyler. I'm fine," I try to reassure him while drying my face with the back of my own hands.

He reluctantly puts his arm back down knowing there's nothing he can do. "You should go to sleep Ali-cat. I promise that I will be here when you wake up."

I roll onto my side to face him, and as I close my eyes, he starts to hum the same song from the night before. "What is that?" I mumble, sleep already taking over me after such a long, crazy day.

"Shhhh, just go to sleep," he whispers. And I slowly drift off, to the beautiful sound of Tyler's lullaby.