Shadow Souls

Chapter Thirty-Two

"What are you talking about, Tyler?"

"I don't mean like romantically or anything, so don't get all wiggy," he explains. "I just mean that you are going through all this crazy stuff, and I feel like I am on the outside looking in and not really a part of it anymore."

I release a breath feeling relieved that he didn't just put our friendship in a completely awkward place by confessing some deeply buried feelings. However, I do understand how he feels. I've had my share of jealous, possessive, 'this is my best friend, and you can't have him' type of moments throughout our lives. That was because, unlike Tyler, I never had any other friends outside of him. He had teammates and girlfriends and a whole slew of other people always wanting to be in his orbit. I only had him. Now things seem to be more reversed and I'm the one dating and spending time with other people. I'm sure having Paige in on our secret helps, but he still can't have a normal conversation or anything with her. He only has me.

"Tyler, I don't want you to ever feel like you are on the outside of my life. You are still my best friend and the most important person to me. Ghost or not," I smile.

"But now I see you with a new best friend and a new boyfriend. I'm just scared I'm going to lose you, Alice," his voice breaks.

My eyes begin to sting hearing him struggle with this pain. I stand up and walk over to stand in front of him, wishing more than ever that I could reach out to touch him and actually make contact.

"Is this also part of the reason why you didn't want to come to school with me yesterday?" I ask him, and he just nods his head.

And now I finally understand. My ghost BFF is having an existential crisis.

"I can promise you, Tyler, that you will NEVER lose me," I assure him. Hoping he hears the truth in my words. "You're my family, Ty. I love you more than my own life," I give him a reassuring smile. "Nothing will ever change it."

"Yeah, yeah. I love you, too Ali-cat," he returns my smile, and I watch the worry start to leave his eyes as he begins to relax a little, and I know we will be okay. Just like always.

"Alright, I only heard half of that conversation, but that was beautiful you guys," Paige announces from the doorway. "Like seriously. I'm tearing up." She pretends to wipe an imaginary tear from the corner of her eye.

"Not one for boundaries, are you?" I ask, more amused by her intrusion than upset.

"Nope!" she exclaims before coming the rest of the way into the room. "Now, if you two are done being all sappy, I'm still waiting to hear what is so important that caused you to wake me up before the sun," she says while plopping onto my bed.

I take a seat of my own in the desk chair and start by telling her about my most recent dream. I describe the creepy shadow, and the green-eyed boy, hoping she will be able to shed some new light on it.

"And you are sure that you saw this weird shadow thing crash the car?" she asks me.

"Not at all," I sigh.

"And the guy? Are you sure that you've met him before?

"Not at all," I say again, feeling frustrated.

"Wow, okay," she pauses, "Not a lot to go on."

She's not wrong. I wish I could be as certain about these parts of my life as I am with Finn, but I can't help but feel that there are still big pieces of the puzzle missing.

"It could all be nothing," she says, "just your mind's way of trying to make sense of such a tragic thing." She looks at me with a sympathetic look before continuing, "You want there to be a bigger reason behind why it happened, so you are creating one."

That does make sense, but I still don't feel convinced that there isn't something bigger going on. "But what about the guy?" I ask her. "What is his purpose?"

"I don't know.... maybe you just think he's hot!" she smirks. "I mean he sounds sexy to me," she bites her bottom lip and starts fanning her face with her hand.

"Very helpful!" I laugh, while Tyler rolls his eyes. I don't think he finds her fawning over my dream guy very amusing at all.

After my talk with Tyler, and sharing my dream with Paige, I decided it was time to put all the heavy stuff aside. There has been enough drama and life changing events in just this week alone and I desperately need a time out. So, the three of us decide to spend the next couple of hours just laughing and talking like a normal teenager. Which I have to say felt great.

After taking turns sharing numerous funny stories and anecdotes, Paige kept complaining about not knowing where to look in the room when trying to talk to Tyler. So, now he was walking around while tossing my rubber band ball up in the air. It may look normal to me, but I can only imagine what it looks like to someone like Paige who can't see the source of the ball's movement.

Then after Paige tells us a story about her middle school best friend ditching her in eighth grade to join the cheerleading squad and become a total mean girl, I end up telling them both about my Callie encounter. Up until Finn showed that is.

"I can't believe that crazy bitch showed up here to threaten you!" Paige exclaims. "I am so going to kick her ass!"

"I can't believe you didn't hear us," I tell Tyler. "I was trying to be purposely loud, just so you would."

"You seriously didn't hear anything?" Paige asks him just as surprised.

"No, I didn't," he says. "And yeah, it is weird," he agrees, his brows scrunching in confusion.

"Did you have your ghost headphones on, or something?" I joke.

"Very funny punk!" he smiles. "No, I was-" He stops.

"You were what?" I ask.

His eyes go wide, "I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't remember."

I relay everything he said to Paige while trying to hide the panic from my voice.

"I remember you summoning me here this morning," Tyler continues, "then you went to take a shower. And the next thing I remember is hearing you cry," he tells me. "Then I was rushing downstairs to find you on the floor in tears."

As I tell Paige what he is saying I can see her looking more and more confused. Then I remember that she didn't know anything about my breakdown this morning before Finn and I made up. However, even though she must have a million questions, she can probably tell that it's not the time for explanations, and thankfully lets it go for now.

"You really don't remember what you were doing in between Alice leaving the room and you finding her?" Paige asks him.

"No. I don't," he answers.

He looks over to make eye contact with me, and I know we are both thinking the same thing.

This is just like what happened to Finn.