Thanatophobia

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(Tommy's P.O.V.)
Thanatophobia, The fear of losing someone you love. It was a thought too painfull to impact. My hands shaked as I watched on. My brain not registering anything that was happening. It was to filled with fear of losing Leona. Overflowing with fear. Then my eyes locked with Leo's tear brimmed eyes. She was alive, Mark shot a blank. Relief washed over me as I realized she had not been shot. I looked back into her eyes. The eyes that I adored because they always were filled with fire. But had now changed. They didn't glow or appear to glow anymore. There was no form of emotion that I could detect. "You fucking bastard!" Alfie yelled pulling me out of my thoughts, as he took a step forward. "Ah ah ah" Mark tutted and taunting to pull the trigger again, "now I really dont want to shoot her pretty little face" he continued, "but don't tempt me". I turned to Alfie and motioned for him to lower his gun. He just glared at me and refused. "Very well" Mark said and once again pulled the trigger again. An agonizing scream ripped from Leo's throat. Mark had fired a bullet straight into her shoulder. A growl ripped through me as I saw blood beginning to stain her shirt. Anger consumed me and I put my gun up ready to shoot. But stopped myself in time, as Mark pulled Leo in front of himself. Hiding behind her. He knew neither Alfie or I would shoot now and he laughed. "Leo! Move!" Alfie orded his sister. If she even moved an inch, we had a better shot at Mark. But Leo gave no sign that she was going to move. And I didn't understand why. "Leo! Move" Alfie once again called out. Why wasn't she resisting? Yes, she might have been shot in the shoulder, but I know her. She had much worse wounds than that and was still able to move. Was it because of Mark Ryder? The one who gave her a burnmark, the one who haunted her mind. "Oh, she won't move" Mark cheekily replied, "you want to tell them, my love?". My fingers twitched around my revolver in anger after hearing him call Leo, my love. I turned my eyes back at Leo with a questioning look. She opened her mouth to speak, although no sound would come out "second bullet". My eyes widened. Did Mark really load the revolver with 2 bullets? Or was he bluffing? I tried to find it out by looking at Leo. Something, anything, that told me that it was just a bluff. But nothing on Leona's expression told me that this was a bluff. "Now lower the guns" Mark growled pushing the revolver further into Leo's scalp "and let us go. Before I completely empty this revolver into her head". Click, the revolver sounded as Mark pulled the trigger again. 3 out of 6 chambers have been triggered. Ryder was wasting no time in going down the chamber, clearly pushing us to let them go. My lip trembled, my whole body shook as my mind and heart fought against one another. My heart refusing to just let Mark take Leo so easily. While my mind argued that if I did not let them go, he will eventually pull the trigger with the last bullet. I was in a war against myself and from beside me, so was Alfie. Than in my mind a memory of what Leo had ones signed at me filled my head "sometimes you need to let go of someone. But also remember that if its really meant to be, you will eventually find a way to each other again". With pain in my heart, I lowered my gun. Alfie, although reluctantly at first, followed my move soon aswell. It was like Leo had read my mind, seeing the line what she had signed long ago to me. And she gave me a soft warm smile. Before being pushed roughly by Mark. A hiss escaping her lips as pain undoubtedly shot through her bloody shoulder. I fought against myself as to not move. Not wanting to give Mark a reason to pull the trigger to chamber 4. With rough pushes and pulls he brought her to a car. "Bid your brother goodbye, Leona" Mark ordered her and grabbed ber around her waist. She didn't move at first. Click, chamber number 4 was gone. 2 chambers left. Leona lifted her hands and signed at Alfie "Goodbye, my dear brother". "Now your lover" he said, mocking the word lover. Her emotionless, yet forever remaining beautifull, eyes turned towards me. Then she spoke out lovingly "Goodbye, my Tommy". A breath got caught in my throat as she said it. She didn't just say Tommy, she said 'My Tommy'. Mine.... I was hers. She has never refered to me as hers like that before. She was not one to show much emotion or sweet affection. She has only ever called me hers in a possessive way. But it never felt like this before. It didn't feel like I belonged to her in a material way. No, I belonged with her, like the moon belongs with the stars. Completing each other. She made me whole and I had no doubt that I had the same effect. Alfie would often confirm that. But that feeling of being made whole, was soon ripped apart from me, as Leo was pulled in the car. I moved without realizing. Click, chamber 5. Now I was frozen. There was one chamber left and I had no idea if there wss indeed a second loaded bullet or not. Still with the gun against her hesd she got in, I didn't dare move. Soon the car sprung to life and dissapeared eventually from my view. I fell to my knees and an terrifying scream left my throat. It was long, hoarse and filled with agony. It slowly died down and the realisation that she was gone, hit me like a freight truck. I couldn't even make another sound and just put my hand against my mouth as just barely audible whimpers left my lips.

 I couldn't even make another sound and just put my hand against my mouth as just barely audible whimpers left my lips

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It felt like I was panicking, not able to breath as my heart began to realize it just lost the love of its life. After all my heart loved Leona's heart against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. I loved her so much that I promised to fight another war if that's what it takes to get her back. I never was one to pray but this time, I did. Please God, let me find her, so I could promise her my vows.

Published: 13th of June 2023

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