Damage Repaired

Chapter 46

I was fucking starving, and my food was taking entirely too long to get here. I spent the entire day working, and now that I was back home, all I wanted to do was relax and chill for the rest of the day and weekend that'd follow.

"Finally," I muttered under my breath when I heard the delivery person knock on my door.

Eagerly, I hopped off the couch and bounded to the door, swinging it open to find—

Nathaniel, standing before me with my favorite flowers and a card in his hand. I blinked, then slammed the door closed immediately. I backed away slowly, eyes wide, while my heart thundered wildly inside my chest. He was back. Not only was he back, he was here standing right outside my door, looking like a lost puppy after being gone for a month and a half. I let out a strangled breath, sliding my sweaty, trembling palms down my leggings. If I hadn't gripped the island in time, I was sure my legs would've given out in a heartbeat.

"Get your shit together, Faye," I whispered to myself. "Remember your promise."

I promised myself I wouldn't let him infiltrate my life again if he ever came back. I had already given him a second chance and was willing to give him my heart, but it was clear he wasn't ready for it, for me, and frankly, I didn't believe he ever would be. Funnily enough, I wasn't even angry that he left. I knew he needed time to cope with everything, just as I did. I was angry at the fact that he just left me in the dark and gave up. If he communicated his feelings and let me in, I could've been there for him as well. I could've assured him that I never blamed him for our loss, but he didn't grant me that chance because he was too focused on trying to leave like he always did when shit hit the fan. I desperately wanted to believe that he changed, but it was obvious he hadn't, and I refused for him to slip back into my life just to whisper pretty empty promises that he wouldn't be able to follow through with. Enough was enough.

Swallowing down my emotions, I took a deep breath and walked back to the door. I wasn't going to let him think I spent the entire time he was gone sulking around, feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to show him that I had moved on, and maybe it'd push him to do the same.

You got this.

I swung the door open again, not surprised to see that he hadn't budged an inch.

"Hi," he breathed, his eyes sweeping over my body and then landing on my face. He looked like shit, and an idiotic part of my brain actually felt bad for him, but I quickly dismissed the feeling and threw it the fuck away.

"What are you doing here, Nathaniel?"

"I'm back," he revealed. "For good this time and I'm more than aware of just how badly I fucked up, but I didn't—" He looked away, clenching his teeth before continuing. "After knowing what I did, what I caused, I didn't know how to navigate through my feelings, and I thought you'd be better off without me in your life fucking up at every turn."

"That wasn't your choice to make," I snapped, anger racing through my veins. He was always trying to make decisions for everyone rather than using his fucking words and asking what the other person wanted. "I was already coming to terms with the shit you pulled four years ago; I was ready to forgive you, trusting that you had valid reasons for making those decisions. I knew who you were since the moment I met you; I knew you weren't a saint, I knew you'd make mistakes, I knew you weren't perfect, nor did I want you to be. I wanted you to be yourself unapologetically. I only ever wanted you, Nathaniel; I wanted you for who you were, not for who you thought I wanted you to be, christ; all I ever wanted was you."

His Adam's Apple bobbed, those crystal eyes turning glassy, and I was afraid that if he blinked, tears would start running down his face, which damn near knocked the breath out of my body seeing him so vulnerable.

"If you stayed, we could've talked more about the miscarriage," I continued. "You would've learned that I never once in my life blamed you for the loss of our baby, ever. And I now know that it wasn't my fault either. The entire situation was just unfortunate as fuck, but neither one of us is to blame for that." My throat was so clogged with emotions; it was hard to swallow. "Like I said that night. I will always love you, and maybe I'm crazy for feeling that way, but it's the truth. With that being said, at the same time, I can't let history repeat itself again; I refuse to fall back in love with you, only for you to rip my heart out again and again. I won't put myself through that again, so I'm done; I've finally moved on, and so should you."

Nathaniel smiled sadly and surprised the hell out of me by dropping down on his knees before me, gazing up into my fucking soul. Seeing him on his knees for me took my breath away.

"I will always come back to you," he vowed unapologetically, not even caring that at any point in time, anyone could walk by and see him on his knees, spilling his heart out. "No matter what happens, I will always come back to you. Being away the last month made me realize that I wasn't ready for your love and everything you had to offer, but I'm ready now, and this time, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay, to fight for you, for your forgiveness, for your heart. I'm here to be the man I wished I could've been a long time ago. But I'm ready now, and I will wait for you amore. I'll always wait for you no matter how long it takes."

I gripped the door blinking back tears. If only he had stayed, I would be leaping into his arms right now, but he didn't, so I forced myself to stay rooted in place and whispered three words. "It's too late." Then, I shut the door in his face, leaving him on his knees with the flowers and card still in his hand. When I looked through the peephole, I swore I saw a slight smirk flicker across his lips, and if I was a betting woman, I'd say that smirk was one of pride. Proud to see that I stood my ground and wasn't going to let him come back into my life just because he knew his way around words.

The last thing I wanted to do was think about a future without him, but the sooner I came to terms with that, the easier everything would be.

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A/N: I know it's a short chapter but I didn't want to end on a super cliffhanger so hopefully this eases y'all anxiety a bit lol