CASTAWAY ⚓ R.C, J.M

T W E N T Y

Harley and JJ collapsed onto the sofa sigh their smoothies in hand. Harley, JJ, Kiara and Pope had gone to the Wreck before coming back to the chateau. John B had disappeared with mention of needing something from the Cameron Manor. So, now Kiara and Pope sat outside on the deck talking, whilst Harley and JJ decided to use this time wisely.

"Is this where we passionately make out?"

Harley fixed JJ with a stern look.

"I know. I know. Let's exchange long stories." JJ shifted closer to Harley so he could rest his hand on her thigh. "Ladies first?"

Harley didn't mind if she went first, she more than likely had more to say than he did. So, she started by explaining the series of events after she left him at the station. Then she back tracked to when she had gone back to the garage with Rafe, so that she could assure him nothing else had happened. She had been honest about everything other than the fact she had been with Rafe. Then came what she really wanted to talk about - the things he had said to her when was angry.

"Okay, so..." Retelling sequences of events was much easier for Harley, It felt like bringing up the things JJ had said and how that made her feel was confrontational, even if it wasn't. Unfortunately, she had to get used to this otherwise she would be treated like a doormat. 

"The way you... the things you said to me when we argued made me feel horrible."

JJ jumped in, "I know. I shouldn't have said that shit and I apologised and I'll keep apologising."

Harley smiled. "You don't need to keep saying sorry. I forgave you." Harley scratched at her head with uncertainty. "I'm not upset that you got mad about me lying. I know I shouldn't have and I won't do it again. It's just... it's about how me making you angry made you say those things. I feel like your instinct, when you're angry at me, shouldn't be to hurt me or make me feel small."

JJ slumped back in his seat, a hundred sorry's no longer waiting to rush passed his lips. Instead, he kept quiet and listened. He kept eye contact so Harley knew he was listening. This was important to get off her chest, so it was important to her that he listened. 

"Whenever I'm upset with you, I don't instantly want to use the things you've gone through or brought up to me as insecurities against you. That feels spiteful... and I'm not saying you're a spiteful person because I think you're very far from it." Harley paused to collect her thoughts. Her heart was hammering against her chest. She didn't know how JJ perceived her words or if she was articulating herself well. "If we have a disagreement, then we should talk about it. You shouldn't call me an idiot or make me feel stupid. And definitely not imply that I like being hit."

"I'm so sorry, Harls. You know I don't believe you're stupid for a second. Hell, you're smarter than me and John B combined. You're one of the smartest people I know and you still shouldn't doubt that," JJ straightened and turned his body to completely face Harley. He needed her to see how serious he was. "No matter how angry or upset I got, I shouldn't have called you an idiot and most definitely shouldn't have said what I did about you getting hit. I was wrong. But, I need you to know that what I was saying was directed at myself."

"What?" Harley was confused. "Why would you direct that at yourself?"

"Um," JJ laughed. It was a nervous laugh. Harley could see that he was uncomfortable now. "Uh, let's just say that I've had a relationship with someone that kept letting me down and yet I still kept going back hoping they would change. Still do."

Harley's head tilted. JJ's words felt like code for something. The words he had said to her and directed at him were about abuse. Now, he was saying somebody had kept 'letting him down'. He made it sound like a past relationship, but he said 'still do'. Did he still hope they would change or did he still have this relationship?