A New Beginning

Chapter 34- Not Enough

The Queen's funeral was the next night. It was a beautiful ceremony, even though it was almost completely silent. Frigga and the rest of the fallen were placed in golden boats and sent off over the edge of Asgard. It reminded Noelle of when she, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli had buried Boromir and sent his body down the Falls of Rauros.

However, this time flaming arrows were shot at the boats so the bodies would burn, and the Asgardians lifted up glowing white lanterns into the sky. Noelle watched the boats carefully as they approached the edge of the world. Odin gave a sharp tap of his scepter on the ground and from each of the boats came a glimmering spray of white stars that lifted up into the heavens.

Her eyes widened. "What's happening?" she whispered to Thor, who was standing beside her.

Thor smiled at her, but it was a pained one. "Their spirits are finding their way to the Halls of Valhalla," he replied quietly. Noelle's face fell as he looked away from her, his eyes only reflecting grief.

Thor had barely spoken to her at all since it happened, which was worrying. Noelle wished so badly that she could comfort him in some way. She had not had much of a chance to even speak to him privately and give him her condolences because she had been confined to her quarters. She wasn't sure if Thor hadn't been allowed to see her, or if he hadn't felt well enough to.

She couldn't stop replaying the scene over and over again in her head. Everything had happened so quickly and she wanted to cry every time she thought about it. Seeing the pain on Thor's face was distressing enough.

None of this would have happened if I hadn't been so stupid and gotten near the Aether.

Noelle knew the death of Frigga was not directly her fault, but she still couldn't shake the blame. Feeling so helpless and powerless... it was not something she was used to and she had not felt this vulnerable in quite a long time. The fact that she was dying was not improving her mood or confidence either.

She repeated that to herself.

She was dying.

Just when she had thought things were beginning to go right in her life for once. She had reunited with Bern and she had found a new family in the Avengers. And she would never see any of them again. She would die like this, sick, helpless, alone and on a world far away from home. The only person she knew here was Thor, and they weren't exactly the closest. Even though right now, he was the closest thing she had to family.

She blushed, despite the despair she felt in her soul. Thor had promised not to let her die, but how could he hope to keep that promise? Noelle didn't think he knew too much more about the Aether than she did, and now that Frigga was dead, she doubted that saving her life was the first thing on Odin's mind.

She desperately wished that she could use the Force. She felt as if a limb had been torn from her body. It was a piece of her that was missing. She couldn't meditate and get a sense of what she was doing, she couldn't practice with her lightsabers, because she was too physically drained, and she could not even take comfort from the kyber crystals inside them for fear of setting off the Aether again. Life felt completely worthless at the moment and she almost wished the Aether would hurry up and finish her off. At least she wouldn't be a burden to Thor and Odin anymore. And no one else could die because of her if she were dead.

Angrily, she punched her pillow and burst into tears, falling back against the cushions of the love seat she had been using as a bed the past several days. She cried for a long time until she began to see red.

No, no, no, no!

Noelle tried to fight it, but it wasn't working.

Her eyes were closed but she could still see. Asgard transformed from golden and bright to dark and crimson. Then the landscape completely changed to a barren and dusty world full of darkness. She heard whispers that slowly grew louder, until she was able to make out words.