Walking the Right Path

Chapter 1

This chapter is dedicated to favour659 for her lovely comments and votes.

To be a Christian is hard. Whoever doesn't believe this is deceiving themselves. It literally requires one to renounce the world and everything in it even though we find ourselves living in it. It then feels as though you're an alien. The world and the evil in it is a gray lifeless void and you're in the midst of it but full of color. 

That is how it seems as I sit on the bench watching my friends run around a mass green field chasing a ball while the referee runs after them. The necklace on my neck suddenly feels hot as if it's burning my skin and trying to choke me so I take a hold of it and begin fiddling with it to soothe my wracking nerves. My feet taps the ground impatiently each time I scan the crowd only to see the nasty looks they are casting my way. They're watching the jewelry around my neck—it feels hotter than at first. Deep breathes, in and out. My search for a particular person continues.

 The game started twenty minutes ago and she still hasn't shown up. I don't know why I keep hoping she'd make an appearance. The referee blows the whistle, flashing a bright red card at one of my teammates sending him out of the game. At this point we might barely win. 

"Daniel, get in there quickly!" Coach says, clapping his hands in my direction then pointing at the field. I don't know why I still play this sport for the school. I can only sigh praying the match will just be over and done with faster.

Seventy minutes later, after escaping the crowd and my coach, my friends and I hit the showers. We didn't win and let's just say we are not the people's favorite persons at the moment. In the locker room my teammates try to stare at me discreetly but fail since my eyes catch theirs at every turn. "What?!" I ask harshly then slam my locker door shut rather loudly with my towel hanging over my shoulder. For a second I considered apologizing for my bad play. My intense lack of focus during the penalties had cost us the match. I barely played well throughout the whole game.

 For a brief moment I also wanted to use certain explicit words on them. If Gideon hadn't done that foul which cost him a red flag we would've had a chance, if Tony hadn't missed that shot we still would've had a chance. I wasn't the only one to blame then why did it feel like it? I held my tongue and left. Only one person spoke up after me, "See you at school tomorrow." It was Evans.

My bag weighed heavily on my shoulders as I walked down the street with both hands tucked in the pocket of my hoodie. I suddenly started running through all the what ifs and negative thoughts in my mind. What if she had come just once? What if I let go for a moment and join my peers? What if I didn't have this necklace hanging off my neck? I began to wonder why I still held onto my Faith so badly. Was it because it's all I've ever known since I was a child? Did I simply have the right to walk out of it? If I did then my life would be easier to deal with. It would be easy to make friends and talk to girls and join school clubs without the harsh comments being thrown at me from everyone. Being a Christian is hard.

The church bell from across the road broke me out of my spiraling thoughts. As I stared at the white walls of the building, the cross hanging at the center and the bell itself oscillating back and forth, the urge to go in there and scream at God felt intense. Why did it have to be hard? And worst of all it felt like I was alone. I felt disappointed and close to giving up, I no longer had the strength nor the will to continue with this path. 

Maybe I should've entered even though my intentions weren't right. Maybe then I wouldn't have made one of the stupidest decisions in my life.

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