𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐋𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐏𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐬

- Chapter 12 -

My heart pounded in my chest as I waited for Jake to open his room's door. It felt like time was slowing down around me. I waited for what seemed like hours. Disappointed, I backed away from the dorm, figuring he wasn't inside.

Where could he be though? The lunch passed. The lessons weren't held today.

Maybe he was out training...

"Sorry to keep you waiting for...45 seconds."

I stopped, a beam of a smile rising upwards on my face. I turned around to see the person that kept me stable here. The guy that made me not hate this place so much.

His eyes were staring into mine, his body glued to the floor. I found myself doing the same and there was this comfortable silence that left us both wondering, what's next for us? Not in a bad way but in a good, hopeful way.

For some reason it didn't scare me that I was letting somebody in while the world was in catastrophe. I yearned for someone, anyone, so that I am not alone.

"Do you want to come in and tell me about your day?" His voice was soft and light and filled with anticipation.

My heart fluttered in my chest and I couldn't help but smile. Like always, Jake wasn't someone you could say no to. He creeped open his door for me to step inside.

I've never been in Jake's dorm before or anybody's really. People invited others all the time. Just not me. I never tried to go either and to be honest, even if they did invite me I wouldn't have gone.

Partying in today's world was just a mask in everybody's miserable life. Masks that covered their losses, their fears, their mistakes. Masks that made them forget for a moment or two of who they've become.

I looked around. His room was bigger and newer than mine. The air was fresh and I never realized how much my room held this fragrance of damp and violative smell until I entered his. Part of me envied him having this much space.

Maybe that's what you get for being a newbie...

"Now that you have inspected every inch of this place..." Jake started in a playful manner, and I rolled my eyes sitting on his black rolling chair. "Did you get eaten by any zombs during the run?"

"Well for your information, I almost did," I played his game, trying to act convincingly.

However, I remembered my almost panic attack back in that hospital and my smile washed off.

His gray eyes filled with concern and he knew something was off, "Allie, you ok?"

I sighed, debating if I should tell him what happened the night right before and during the run.

Before I realized I was already blabbering, "I'm having these feelings, and for some reason I can't control them. It feels like my heart is going to explode. It's like I'm going mad."

My heart skipped a beat as he lightly touched my hand with his. I stood up as he guided me to his bed. We both laid down, not saying a word and I instinctively placed my hand on his chest focusing on his heartbeat.

He pulled the strand of hair away from my face and looked me in the eyes. "I'm sorry Allie; the commander shouldn't have put you up to this."

For some reason, I didn't find his words comforting. Apology wasn't what I needed. I didn't get anything out of it. His sorry wouldn't change my faith or anybody else's. I didn't want to say anything because, truth be told, what was he supposed to say?

I desperately wanted to change the topic and there was only one thing that was on my mind ever since I left for the run with the trainers.

"Are we ever going to talk about what happened between us?" I instantly regretted asking him that. The question sounded stupid. Full of endless possibilities that just weren't realistic in today's world.

His body stiffened but his calm demeanor didn't change. He carefully chose his words, very unlike him. "I like you Allie. A lot. With everything happening, you are one of the few people that make this just a little bit better."

I slowly moved my head upward to see him as he stopped speaking. His face said everything I was afraid of.

Sadness. Longing. But most of all, regret.

I distanced myself from him, trying not to show the effect he had on me. I took a shaky breath, "But -"

"But it's too risky," He continued, completing my sentence. My heart ached for the reasons I didn't understand. "I might act like all of this barely bothers me but I lost people too and I can't let you in because if I let you in, it's just a higher chance of both of us getting hurt"

My annoyance grew with each word he uttered. My head was spinning with thoughts and if I didn't say them, I would have regretted it.

"But you were the one that talked to me in the first place," I declared, accusingly pointing my forefinger at him. "You were the one that invited me to sit at your table. You were the one that initiated to train me and be my friend. Hell, Jake, you were the one that kissed me" My voice turned into a mere whisper as I stood right in front of him.

I hated myself for breaking the wall that I so strongly built. I hated myself for letting Jake see how vulnerable I was around him. A hot tear slid down my cheek. I wanted to stop talking, to turn around and leave.

Much to my dismay I continued pouring my heart out to him, "Do you think I wanted this? I didn't want any of it. I didn't want to feel happy again or hopeful for the future. I didn't want you to mean this much to me. And I most certainly didn't want to fall for you. All I wanted was to be left alone in this god awful place, and wait until all of this passed."

"But..." My eyes searched for his crystal gray ones and I tried my best to not get lost in them.

"But?" He asked, breathlessly, patiently awaiting my answer.

"But I do feel happy again. I do feel hopeful. Even for a little bit. I don't have this constant empty feeling in my heart that I thought was going to ruin me. And it's all because of you. So you pushing me away will not help me and frankly, I don't think it'll help you either because -"

He cut me off by putting his lips on mine. A shock ran through my bones. He was urgently closing in every inch that separated us, pushing me onto the bed. I could feel his hands roaming over my body, and I closed my eyes savoring the moment, completely forgetting what we were talking about.

All I knew was that the end never seemed more of a beginning than now.