Falling To Pieces #1 (COMPLETE)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

His kiss was rough and intense.
It was nothing close to the sweet and gentle stuff I was used to and I liked it... I like it, a lot. So much so that I found myself responding with the same urgency his kiss possessed. My hand found it's way into his hair and I surprised the both of us by yanking on it, which he responded to by catching my bottom lip between his teeth. An involuntary moan escaped my throat but, it was muffled by his mouth. I was still enjoying the way he sucked away at the sting—maybe a bit too much— when he abruptly broke the kiss. I tightened my grip on his hair as a way of voicing my complaint but, all that earned me was a soft peck.

He rested his forehead against mine and kept his eyes shut. We stood like that for a while, trying to catch our breath. I willed my heart to stop with the erratic beating but, it just wouldn't listen.
"What the fuck are we doing, Kara?" He whispered, with his eyes still pinched shut.
"I don't know." I answered truthfully.
I had no clue what I was doing or how we even got to this point. This was stupid and reckless, and maybe I wasn't thinking clearly right now but, for once I didn't care about logic. For once, I didn't want to overthink. All I knew was that I wanted more.
"Fuck!"
He pulled away from me, breaking all contact and I immediately missed the warmth of his touch and the way his fingernails had dug into my hip. Meanwhile, he looked like he was freaking out. He scoffed in disbelief and then ran both of his hands through his hair, tugging hard in utter frustration. I blinked sluggishly trying to make sense of his reaction and then jumped when he suddenly rushed over to the empty beer bottles and kicked one off the roof. A few seconds later, the crashing sound of it bursting into tiny little splinters as it hit the ground below, filtered through the quiet night. He whipped around and glared at me.
"Why did you let that happen?" He demanded.
"What?" I frowned, struggling to snap out of my dazed state. My lips still buzzed from his kisses and I flattened my tongue across it before answering "I don't know... Why did you kiss me?"

The longer he stared at me, the softer his expression became. He shook his head in defeat.
"Because, I'm a selfish bastard." He exhaled. "Because, I've been dying to do that since our first encounter. I've been wanting way more than just that kiss but I told myself I wouldn't cross the line with you because, I've actually grown to care about you, Kara... and I'm no good for you." He said, looking and sounding more earnest than I've ever heard or seen him.
"Maybe you should let me decide what's good for me" I replied calmly, even though I felt anything but.
Alex scrunched up his face in disgust. "Don't be an idiot!" He spat. "You know better. You see through all of my bullshit and you're not afraid to call me out on it. Don't let one good kiss cloud your judgement."

I did see right through his bullshit, and that's why I was so certain that he was not the monster he claimed. He cared about me. He literally just confirmed it.
"You wouldn't hurt me." I pointed out.
"Not intentionally, no... But I'll find a way. I always do." He said bitterly.
Why did he think so little about himself? Why couldn't he give himself a chance when I was willing to?
"Alex—"
"I'm no good for you" He repeated, more to himself than to me. "I've never been in a real relationship. I can't do all of that—" He gestured wildly at the air infront of him as he searched for the right word.
"romantic bullshit! I don't even know how. I can't be the guy who always says the right thing or the guy who goes out of his way to remember the little things, and do thoughtful shit just because he wants to see you smile and that's exactly what you deserve Kara, because God knows you're worth the fucking effort! But I'm not that guy. I'm the bastard who laughs at you every time you pronounce a word weirdly and instead of helping you, I'll laugh at the fact that you're fucking clueless when it comes to ordering a drink at Starbucks, and especially when you choke on the scotch I gave you, knowing that you'd absolutely hate it!"

His rambling made my lips twitch. I shouldn't laugh but I was pretty amused by his little speech. It was as if he was trying to talk himself out of wanting me. He was right though; he was not the heart and flowers kind of guy. He did laugh at me a lot, and say the most offensive things... But I already knew that, and maybe his playfulness and lack of brain to mouth filter was part of the appeal. As weird as that was... But It was more than that though. He was so much more than that, even though he obviously didn't believe it.