Falling To Pieces #1 (COMPLETE)

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

Katherine bumped her shoulder against mine repeatedly to get me to join the sing along. I bit back a smile as I listened to the broken notes coming from her and the usual duo, Lola and Monroe, who were in the driver and passenger seats. They took it a step further and started doing funny dance moves with their heads and hands. All of our windows were rolled down and so their horrific cover of Keep your head up by Andy Grammar, paired with their funny dancing were getting quite a lot of attention by the other drivers, as well as pedestrians. Not that they were bothered in the least.
Katherine nudged me again.
“I don’t know the words!” I yelled over all the noise.
“We’ll change it!” Lola replied from the front seat.
I smiled, thinking that I’d be safe no matter what she put on. I wasn’t big on pop music, which meant that I wasn’t familiar with most of them. My smile quickly dropped when Lola decided to play one of the very few songs I did know, thanks to Katherine playing and singing it nonstop.
Die Young by Ke$ha. Lord help me.
Katherine squealed and clapped her hands and then shook my arm in excitement. I suppressed an eye roll and decided to just give in. Just this once.

By the time we reached the our destination, we were out of breath and laughing like maniacs. It felt good to laugh again. Everything still felt very unstable right now but moments like these were the ones I clung to. I suspected that the fact that I'd be seeing Alex today was also the reason for my lightened mood.
Thursday night was the last I saw of him, but we spent most of yesterday texting back and forth about nothing in particular— just like we had before. It was nice, and now that he's made peace with everyone, I assumed I’d get to see a lot more of him.
“Micah’s here already!” Katherine exclaimed.
“Jackson!” Lola squealed “Oh my God, he actually came!”
Apparently Lola wanted more than just a fuck buddy, so now she and Jackson were trying to take things to the next level. She had admitted that she wasn’t sure how he really felt about her, so she invited him to come jetskiing with us today as some kind of test, just to see if he’d show. I’m glad it seemed to have worked out thus far. She seemed really fond of him.
“You girls run along to your boys, I’ll get our bags.” Monroe laughed.
Both girls kissed him on the cheek before giggling and running off.
“Oh, you can run along too” Monroe smirked. “I’m sure there’s a certain stud waiting on you”
I refused to blush.
I don’t know what Monroe thought after what happened last Saturday. No one had mentioned it as of yet and I was glad. I wasn’t ready to talk about Alex, at least not when I was still so unsure as to what we were to each other exactly.
“If you find him, let me know who he is, would you?” I joked.
He laughed and opened the boot—or the ‘trunk’ as he liked to correct me– and started reaching for our things. I followed him with the intention of helping him when I heard Alex calling my name. I froze in place and watched Monroe’s head snap up. He turned his gaze on me and flashed me a wide smile with sneaky wink.
“Is this the part where I let you know?” He teased, and wagged his brows.
I couldn’t help the stupid smile that spread on my face.
“Shut up!”
He laughed and busied himself with the bags. I turned around and was met with a bare-chested Alex. I let my eyes drink in his gorgeous body before meeting his eyes.
“Hey” I smiled
His lips stretched into a wide grin
“Hey you. ”
He surprised me by pulling me into a tight hug. Initial surprise caused me to freeze up but after a few seconds, I felt myself melt into embrace and returned his hug. He turned his face into my hair, breathed in deeply and then he let out a sigh before I felt a lingering kiss pressed against  the side of my head. I frowned when I noticed how tense he was but tried my best to ignore it. Maybe he just missed me as much as I've missed him? Or maybe something about him seemed off?
I didn't know why I'd think that…but suddenly, my gut screamed at me that something about the way he held onto me felt all wrong. His embrace became tighter still and that unsettled me even more.
“Easy there, Montgomery. If you break my girl I’m gonna have to kill you” Monroe commented from behind me.
Alex immediately eased up and I turned, surprised that Monroe had picked up on it too. He looked a little surprised yet, extremely amused as he focused all his attention on Alex, who was currently glaring him down.
“Okay, Okay… I’m going! Damn…” Monroe joked, and then reached for the last two bags before making his way over to meet with the others. As soon as he was out of an earshot, Alex turned his attention back to me and swallowed.
“We need to talk.” He said sounding serious.
So something was up. My gut was never wrong.
I didn’t know what this was about but, I already knew that I wasn’t going like it. Alex still had his arms wrapped around me and suddenly it felt smothering, instead of comforting. He was standing too close. I needed space. When I broke out of his embrace he didn’t fight me, like he usually did when I tried to get away from him.
He let me go.
My guard immediately snapped back into place.
“What about?”
It was a long time until he said anything. He just stood there and studied my face but, I refused to show how worried I felt.
“Kara, In a really short time, I’ve come to care for you— More than I care for most people I’ve known my entire life. You mean so much to me. You know that, don’t you?”
It was so easy… So very easy to give in to the goofy smile that threatened to break out. So easy to give into him, however, I knew better. There was a ‘but’ that would follow, and that ‘but’ was going to hurt like a motherfucker.
“Say it” I urged.
His expression became almost pained but he didn’t say anything.
“You have something to say, Alex. ” I stated as plainly as I could. “So just say it.”
“I think we should stay friends… just friends.”
And there it was. Punching me in the face would have hurt less.
“I can’t lose you, Kara and if we continue to fool around, things are going to get messy and I’m afraid I'll fuck up because I always do and then you'll hate me and I'd lose you and I can't. Okay? I know I can't be the guy you need right now, but I can be your friend. I'll be your best friend.”
My mind was reeling.
On one hand I had to admit he had a point. I wouldn’t ever say it out loud but he had the power to hurt me, and if he did, I would hate him. He’d lose my trust and I would cut him off. Neither of us wanted that. This way, it would be easier to be a part of each other’s lives. We’d just be friends. No complications, no confusion, no mess, no loss, no foul.
But he was a little too late, wasn't he? Here he was, telling me up front that he cared enough about me, not to put us in that position but… it was already too late. We kind of were in that position now, weren’t we? Our friendship had already been compromised. We fucked up any chance of a simple friendship the moment we kissed on his rooftop. Maybe that kiss could have been overlooked but then we’d done it again… and again, and then he’d taken me to his bed. I'd wanted it at the time and I still wanted it now. I was already in too deep and the sad truth was that he didn't feel the same. He was trying not to hurt me but it was too late. In trying to prevent it, he was able to do it anyway. And It hurt… a lot, but what was I expecting? I was the one who said I didn’t want a relationship and he'd been upfront when told me that he couldn’t give me one anyway. And so, as much as this hurt, I didn’t hate him. I couldn’t… he'd given me no reason to. He didn’t lead me on by lying and promising me something that was impossible for him to give. But, I'm not sure I could go on pretending as though I hadn't fallen for him. Not yet, anyway.
I needed some space from him. I needed time to get over him.
“Say something” He pleaded.
What was I supposed to say exactly? Did I tell him the things he wanted to hear? Should I lie to save face? Say it’s cool, that we’re cool and assure him that everything will go back to the way it was before? Or should I tell him why I needed space for a while?
No... I wasn’t going to admit my feelings for him now. I could barely make sense of it myself. My feelings for him were something I’d never experienced before, so I had nothing to compare it to. It was hard to comprehend... Not that it mattered now. Whatever these feelings were, I had to work on getting over it.