1: why am I in a cave?

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Eli hale, it's been nine months since my dad died, and my ninth full moon happened earlier, I hate it! I hate being a werewolf! it's! It's.. it's rough, I can bearly deal with the shift on full moons, but other than that I can mostly control it, unless my emotions are running high, which they almost always are! It doesn't make sense to me, everyone here had control after like their six full moon, and most of them were turned. They tell me I'm just a slow learner, or that it's probably the grief. Peter told me it did take my dad around seven months to control it on the full moon, that it, learning control, was unbearable for him, and that my fear of turning is probably what's making it worse... But that did make me feel better, knowing my dad had it harder than most, like me. I was in my Lacrosse Jersey, I have a game on Monday and I accidentally ripped it a week ago when I got my claws out, so I sewed it up and it doesn't look bad, the colour is a little off though. Eh no one should notice."You're still up?" Asked Allison, I've been living with Scott and Allison for most of the nine months, I hate it, I sometimes spend weekends with malia since I grew up with her around, but I don't really do that, I don't want to burden her. I would do the same with Peter... but they don't trust him, I can't blame them for that. "Ya, I was just making sure this didn't look bad" I said, I couldn't sleep, I normally can't sleep, I think I could probably qualify for insomnia, I barely sleep four hours a week, but they don't know that, they haven't noticed. "Ok, But get in bed please, it's way to early for you to be awake" said Allison, and they tell me a version of this every week, but especially on full moons, it's getting tiring. "Okay, night, tell Scott nig-ht" I mumbled, I forced a yawn, I do that a lot lately, just to make it seem like I'm tired, they'll leave me alone then. "I'll tell him that, do you want me to lock the door?" Asked Allison, that's the fix for my sleep walking, locking me in my room. though sometimes I still get out. "sure" I sighed, even if I said no, it would still be locked. I Just wish this part of my life was over. "It'll get better Eli" said Allison, I sighed, they always say that, and it never does, for the grief, or for the shift, it Just gets more bearable. she closed the door and I heard the snap of the lock, time to kill some time.

I've swung my Lacrosse Stick around like a thousand times, that's all I can really do, my rooms pretty empty, and I just want to be alone on full moons. I placed the Stick against the wall and I laid down on my bed, I'm not going to go to sleep that quickly so I won't change right now.

I steared at the base of the nemeton, tiling my head up to see my dad, Scott and Parish on the nemeton, all holding down the nogitsune I heard the muttering of their voices. He shoved Scott off of the nemeton, Leaving him and Parish holding it down. "Light this fucker up!" Dad Yelled, I felt my heart speed up, pounding against my chest, I felt my breath quicken, and grow heavier. No. No! A ring of Fire went around the three of them. "dad?" I whispered, No! I saw him looking at me through the flames. It felt like hours, days I was watching these flames around him, and I was helpless, I couldn't do anything except watch him burn. No! Dad!

I sat up quickly, grabbing my chest, I felt that something was making it harder to. "Dad!" I yelled, my vision was blurry, tears were in my eyes. Another nightmare. "every fucking time" I swore, every time I have that nightmare, I scream out dad, at least once, and It wakes up Scott and Allison a lot of the time, I know they hate it. "Dad" I Whispered, I felt the tears fall. I Closed my eyes, taking breaths. "why am I like this?" I asked, I held myself tight. "it's been nine months, The nogitsune is dead, you aren't sitting infront of the nemeton doing nothing, your not in the woods with that fire-y glow around you, your in 'your' room, you are safe" I reminded, I do this anytime I have a nightmare like this one, with him.. burning. It happens more than I wish it would. I took one final deep breath and opened my eye- "what the hell?" I Whispered, I was in a cave- well what I think a cave would look like, there aren't many in Beacon hills. "How did I get here?" I mumbled, I put my hand on the ground to help lift myself up and felt something under it, my keys? D-did I sleep drive? I grabbed the keys and forced myself up. I looked down at myself and saw mud and dirt, that wasn't surprising, but the small streaks of blood all over my legs and arms are, what the hell? "Did I break my window?" I asked, I Don't think that I could of done this any other way, it was locked, They keep it locked. "Damn it! How do I get out of here?" I asked, I have no clue where an exit is.

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