The Traitor's Daughter (Complete)

Part 51-Sophia's Journey

St. Helene, 1706

Womanizer.....that is what Roman is. A selfish, egoistic, lustful man, who thinks nothing of neglecting his wife and bedding other women. Why hadn't I noticed these qualities before marriage? Likely, I was so blinded by love that I wouldn't have cared even had I known. Victor had tried to warn me, but I accused him of coveting me himself. The other day, I caught him in Flagrante with Lord Travis' wife. Roman had no remorse for it. How can he be so shameless? He clearly does not care for me anymore. It breaks my heart.

Blackwood Manor, 1708

Blackwood Manor is a haven of peace. The palace at St. Helene stifles me. I can't stand his nearness. It is better to stay here and only visit on official occasions. Even Luke loves it here. My little boy is the only bright spot in my lonely days. I adore him. He is the raison de etre of my life now.

Luke felt his eyes fill with tears as he read the entries. Sophia had loved him so much! She had been disillusioned in her marriage. The love between his parents was gone, not it seemed because of Martin, but due to his father's womanizing ways. He had been her only solace. He remembered how she would gather him to her heart, showering kisses on him. The mornings they would spend walking in the garden, and the evenings when she would read stories or poetry to him. He loved listening to her gentle, melodious voice, but now he could recall the pain hidden behind that voice. What an unhappy soul she must have been! He could feel the melancholy underlying her words as waves that hit him on his heart, breaking it. He read on.

Blackwood Manor, 1709.

Luke is growing up so fast. He asks questions that I find difficult to answer. How can I tell him about his father? I can't let him grow up with a dislike of Roman. After all, he is Luke's father, and he should find out about him at the right time, and in his own way.

St. Helene, 1709

We just reached here, and already I'm dying to return to Blackwood. It is the annual ball and I shall have to go through the motions of being the hostess. It would be so tiring listening to the incessant chatter of the society matrons and seeing Roman flirting shamelessly with every woman in sight. But needs must is a hard master. Victor is here to see me. We meet after so long and it feels as if we were never apart. He has lost his wife to the pox. It saddens me to see him alone with his little daughter. Zena is such a beautiful baby, a spitting image of her father. I can't wait for her to grow up so that I can introduce her to Luke.

St. Helene, 1709

We meet often these days, Victor and I. Sharing our grief lightens it. He is such a gentle soul. Why do I feel drawn to him? Am I falling in love with my childhood friend? Life seems meaningful once again. I must confess my feelings to him.

St. Helene, 1709

I told Victor about my love for him. He was shocked and said that even discussing it would be disloyal to his king. What do I do now? I want to be with him so badly. In desperation, I kissed him, inviting him to my bed, yet he refused, gently but firmly. He suggests that I focus on raising Luke and providing him with a good education. After all, Luke will one day inherit the throne from Roman.

Luke drew in a sharp breath. Sophia must be referring to the incident in the box maze, which he had witnessed. He could sympathize with his mother. Forsaken by her husband, she had ended up in love with her only friend while seeing from a child's perspective, he had misunderstood about her and Martin. How long he had hated Martin for leading his mother on the path of adultery, not realizing that it was his father who destroyed the marriage with his numerous affairs. Could this, then be the reason for her taking her own life? Luke had always assumed that she had not cared enough for him to live on. Who leaves a small child to be raised by others? Yet, the contents of the diary spoke volumes about her love for her son. His curiosity fired, and he turned to the next page. He must unravel the last mystery which had haunted him all his life.

Blackwood Manor, 1710

I have not been feeling well for some time now. I get these headaches, night sweats, and ravaging fever. I must speak to the doctor. Luke wants me to play with him but I'm fatigued all the time. I hate to see him disappointed.

Blackwood Manor, 1710

I'm shattered. The doctor says that it is the consumption disease. It is slowly eating into me. It means and slow and painful death for sure. Who will care for my boy after me? I must speak to Victor. I need him more than ever now.

The book fell from Luke's hand. Sophia was suffering from consumption? Why hadn't he guessed it? Of course, he had been too young, lost in his own world of ponies, picnics, and piano lessons. With the uncaring obliviousness of childhood, he had failed to notice his mother's failing health. His hands shook as he turned the last page.

Blackwood Manor, 1711.

Victor is here to see me. I had sent word to him to haste here. I have very little time left. He was shocked to know of my condition. We hugged each other and cried for some time. Feels so bad to do so on Luke's birthday. We should have been celebrating with a picnic. My poor boy, he has no idea what his mother means to do. I wish I had more time. Victor tried to cheer me up with stories of little Zena. She is naughty but sweet. I'm sure she will grow up to be a beautiful woman. How good she will look alongside Luke, light to his darkness. My boy is dark like me, while she's a golden girl having inherited Victor's blond looks. What joy it would be to see Luke marry Zena, to see my blood mix with that of Victor's. Alas, I'll not be here to see that day, but I'm sure if Luke reads this one day, he will understand what to do. I pray that they fall in love in the future.

Now, I must say my goodbyes to Victor. Maybe, in some other reality, we could have been together. I can't face Luke. He must remember me full of life, and not defeated by it. Goodbye, my son, my love.....

Luke shut the book with a finality, wiping his tears. Why, oh why hadn't he read it before? How wrong he had been about his interpretation of the past. He had made immature assumptions, not knowing the whole truth, and hated Martin all these years. He had let hatred simmer inside him, fester into a wound, draining all softer feelings from his heart. It had made him ruthless enough to hound Martin mercilessly, forcing him to escape.

He hadn't thought twice before wreaking his vengeance on Zena. Sophia must have been so pained to see her son persecuting the girl she wanted him to love. Sophia's wish had indeed come true and he was marrying her, but how grotesque was the reality from what she had imagined? Not the gentle wooing and falling in love, but forced subjugation of her will. Luke lay on his bed, curled like a hurt child, and howled his heart out for what could have been. What should he do now?