Love Island - A New Beginning

Room for One More

I quickly make my way to the villa, emotions overwhelming me. Looking for somewhere I can be alone. Everyone is upstairs. I look across the way and spot the beach hut. Thankfully I find the door unlocked when I reach it. Stumbling in, I quickly shut it. Not without spotting Noah from the kitchen with a worried look on his face. I can't. Panting heavily I lean against the door, locking it as I slide down. Somehow part of my dress gets caught on the handle and I go down with a heavy thud. Frustrated I jump up and hit the door. "Stupid."

Feeling defeated I fall into the chair. This was supposed to be a fun summer and it turned into this. I grab the nearest pillow and scream into it. Definitely not part of the plan. Sure I would have enjoyed getting to know multiple boys but this seems on another level. I close my eyes in an attempt to calm down. DING! "Ah!" The ding comes from the screen coming to life and the lights suddenly change with that foreboding sound. Dread fills the pit of my stomach. Becca, what are you feeling right now? I just stare at the screen, tears threatening to spill. So much for solitude. I sigh, last time I was in here I chose my words very carefully. I'm tired. Too scared to say anything knowing that whatever I say will be broadcasted on national television. Why did I agree to do this again?

Minutes go past. The words just stared straight at me, seemingly getting louder if, that's even possible. Finally, I break, "overwhelmed." The words are still staring me down. "I didn't expect to feel so strongly about people on a show like this. I didn't think it was possible and it's caught me off guard. Not to mention terrifying." I let out a shaky breath. How do you feel about Gary? The staring contest with the screen begins again as I try and sort through my thoughts. "He's like a giant teddy bear. Kind and a genuinely nice guy. I care about him and can definitely see him in my future." I try to steel myself for the next question I know is coming. How do you feel about Noah?

There it is. How do I feel about him? I don't know. I know he makes my body feel alive without even touching me. When I'm around him I want to be a better version of myself. I definitely care about him but it feels different than when I'm with Gary. Is it a good or bad thing? Ever since James, I've been too scared to trust my own judgement and decisions when it comes to men. I thought I had it right with him. "He's a good friend." I think that's all I can manage for now, especially while I'm so uncertain. What's your plan moving forward in the Villa? Finally an easy question. "The same it has been all along. I've committed to Gary and will continue on our journey together, learning about each other and maybe building a decent connection."

The lights in the room change indicating that question time is over. The screen changes, Stay in here as long as you need Becca. "Thank you." It's barely a whisper. After a few minutes of gathering myself, I stand up, ready to face the Villa. I head out and make my way to the dressing room. I glance over to the daybeds and see Priya and Ibrahim cuddled close together under the blankets. They seemed to have put the day behind them, focusing only on each other. As I move down along the corridor I can hear moaning sounds coming from the bathroom. Rushing past quickly I can only assume it's Hannah and Bobby. Good for them. Thinking that it might be Noah and Hope will only break me.

Relief floods me as I find Hope in the dressing room. She gives me, what I only could describe as an evil smirk before speaking to me. "I'm so glad you've realised that Noah is not the guy for you babe." I smile tightly at her as she continues. "Besides I think you know that even if you did choose him he would still be with me. Like Rahim and Priya are now. You'd never fully have him." Ignoring her I quickly get dressed in my favourite crop top and yoga pants.

Just as I finished Marisol comes walking in. Hair looking dishevelled and lipstick smeared. Is that a hickey? I wonder if it was Marisol and Henrik in the bathroom. She and Hope gather together and giggle like a bunch of high school girls. "Were you with you know who?" Hope asks, wiggling her eyebrows. Marisol glances my way and then giggles. "Yep." "Please tell me you went all the way this time." Wow. Marisol didn't waste any time at all, getting her claws into Henrik, nice and early I see. "I did and let me tell you, babe. So much to work with, so much." This girl has no shame. I walk out quickly not wanting to hear the details of Marisol and Henrik's tryst.