Taking Back

An Inferno Of Trauma

Warning: attempted suicide, and cutting

Eddie ran as fast as he could, away from the field and into a brush of woods. The thoughts and screams still swim in his head like an overflowing river during a dark storm.

Murderer! The thoughts kept yelling. You're a monster! A demon! An abomination! Just die!!

He was crying so much, trying to stifle his whining, that he tripped over a rotting log and landed on his face. "Just leave me alone," he cried out in pain. "Please, just leave! Me! Alone!" Eddie's tears fell down his face, landing on the ground, steaming in contact with the dried leaves under him. He saw tiny flickers of black flames surround him as he cried. He looked around himself to see the small fire. He felt his arms shaking, almost pulsing as if something would pop out of him. Enraged, he looked around until a small glimmer caught his eye. It was a golden knife. He picked it up and began to stab his arms, only to see the wounds heal, which enraged him more.

"Arrgh!" He screamed as he continued his stabbing. "Stop it! Stop it! Why won't you just stop healing!? Why won't you just let me bleed!? Why?! Why?!" His eyes turned red, his skin lit up, and the voices raged more in his head.

Just die! Monster! You killed her! Why won't you die!? He couldn't help but yell at the air. 

"What do you want from me!?!" He shrieked. "No matter how many times, my arms just heal!" Then a thought came to him. To some, it's a horrible idea, but for Eddie, it was the only logical solution. He began to raise the knife over his head. He began to chuckle, his eyes still red and enraged, and his smile turned wicked. "Hehehe! Hahaha! I know of one thing I'm sure can't heal as quickly!" He slowly began letting one finger at a time release the handle. "I guess you finally win, Father," he chuckled. "The one thing you've always wanted will finally happen, won't it? Won't it?! Will you finally leave me alone if I do this?! Hahaha!" 

Eddie closed his eyes tightly. The thoughts of his life rushed through his mind up to this point. No point in it now, right? He thought to himself. There was never anything here for me worth living for anyway, was there?!

But then, more thoughts rushed through him. He thought of Alisha, from the day they met to the days they trained, to his rescue of her. Even the moments leading up to this moment speed through him. All I want is for you to be happy and safe, Eddie. He remembered her saying. At that moment, he hesitated. Thoughts of her and voices of his fears kept fighting for space in his mind. 

"EDDIE!" yelled Alisha after catching up with Eddie. 

Anaka flew overhead and spotted him ahead of her. Alisha saw Anaka plummet down as if she was diving toward the situation. Alisha witnessed Anaka taking a knife from Eddie's hands and flying away to discard it. 

You both need to stop killing yourselves, dammit! Anaka flared her nostrils. 

Anaka's distraction allowed Alisha to topple on top of Eddie and pin him to the ground.

He tried to use his arms to push up off the ground, but Alisha grabbed one of his arms and pulled it behind him, keeping him from getting up. His legs flayed around as he growled and screamed, trying to free himself. "Let me go," he cried. "Let me go already! I have to do this!"

"No! I'm not going to have you end your life like this. You were there to stop me, so that's what I am doing, returning the favor. Eddie, I know you are hurting from what your father did to you, but he was not your father. If you think you are a monster, then you are wrong, your father was a bigger monster than you could ever be, and you don't have to let him bother you anymore. He's long been gone. Live your life free from his torment."

"But it's what I deserve!" He screamed. "You think he was the bigger monster!? Funny you would say that without knowing anything! I don't just think I'm a monster; I KNOW I am, and he was right to treat me like one! After all, he wasn't the one who killed his mother!"

Alisha's eyes suddenly went wide. She couldn't believe what she was hearing right now. What did he mean by that? How could this man who felt nothing but fear of himself and kindness for her ever kill someone?

"Don't you get it!?" He cried. "All I do is cause death and pain! I don't deserve to be alive! I don't deserve happiness or friendship, or even love! What kind of person would even bother wasting such things on the likes of me!? Tell me, who?!"

"Eddie, you deserve anything and everything right now. I may not know the specifics, but you can tell me so I may understand your pain. I only got one perspective of a witness, but I need to know yours. I will always be here to listen. Please, talk to me. I want to understand," she cried.
He continued to twist and shake, trying to get her off him. He managed to get his hand free from her grip and used it to spin himself around. He met her gaze as he sat up and pinned her to the ground, his face covered in rage and tears. He couldn't understand why she cared so much. She hated his people, so she hated him as well. So why was she so persistent? 

"But why," he asked her, grabbing her shoulders. "Why bother listening? Why bother trying to understand my pain?! Why do you care so much!? Of all the people who could care less about me, why are you the only one who keeps trying to understand me!? I just don't get it! Why do you care so much about a freak like me!?" He dug his head into her chest as he cried and yelled, trying to avoid her eyes, which felt like they could pierce through his soul if he stared for too long. He didn't know what else to do but cry, unable to understand her thoughts.

"I don't know, okay for some reason, I don't hate you, please, Eddie," she told him as tears ran down her face. "All I know is that I need you, and I know you need me, whether you like it or not."

His ears rang as he heard those words. She-she 'needs' me? He thought. 

He looked up at her face, his eyes wide as tears ran down his face. He had never heard anyone say such a thing about him before. Suddenly, he could feel his heart skipping and his mind becoming clear again. "You," he began. "Y-you need me?" Slowly, he could feel the voices leaving his head, some slower than others but still leaving. The flames around them began to diminish as his body began to calm down. What was this feeling he was experiencing? Is this what it felt to be needed? Or was this just his delusion? "N-no one's ever said something like that to me before."

"I'll continue to say it if you don't believe me," she tries her best to reassure him. "Eddie, I need you. I don't hate you. I want you to be happy and safe, please; believe me. If you hate me, please-"

Before she could finish her sentence, he hugged her tightly. His arms didn't shake anymore, and his mind became clear. His flames sniffing out, he whimpered as he held her.

"I... I believe you," Eddie said through tears. "I believe you, princess. I'm so sorry. I'm so very, very sorry! I-I don't know what I was thinking! I just thought–" He felt her wrap her arms around him as he whimpered and stuttered.

The princess carefully embraced him back. "It's okay, Eddie. I got you. I'll always be here for you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"I...I," he hesitated. He wasn't sure if he should say it after what had transpired. "Princess, I... I, um..."

"Please, I don't want to lose you, Eddie. You're like a friend to me, one that I never had," she told him as tears fell down her face. She lay in the crook of his neck as she ran her fingers through his hair. 

He couldn't bring himself to say anything, so he continued to hold her in his arms, whispering. "Princess," he softly spoke to her. "I...I'll be here for you from here on out." He took her hand and wrapped his pinky around hers, as a child would. He gave her a soft smile and said, "Pinky promise." He closed his eyes, slowly drifting off again. "I... you," he muttered, speaking his feelings without realizing, as he passed out with a smile while laying his head on her.