Bonrad One Shots - The Summer I Turned Pretty

Panic Attacks

This part was requested by IamJustAnnie!

It was the day of the funeral. Belly felt her heart aching at what she had lost and what she was about to still lose.  It was that one day that she thought she would get to skip or never have to go through - Susannah's death. The death came early in the morning, and in a way, Belly knew it was coming from her last visit to the woman. She had looked bad, not as radiant as she always did, yet, Belly had a bit of hope still left that the boys wouldn't lose their mother.

Conrad and Jeremiah weren't talking, nor was Belly and Jeremiah, much less Conrad and Belly. The break-up caused a lot of things to change including everyone to break up contact with one another. Since that one night in April, Belly and Conrad were not speaking. Belly had to grieve both their break-up and the death of Susannah. The break-up was about two weeks ago and the funeral was the first time in two weeks that Belly had gotten out of her room.

Belly heard something, or someone, thumbling around in a room as she looked around. She was at the top story of the house and she didn't know who it could be. She saw as Steven and Jeremiah were talking downstairs as her mother kept herself aside. She then knew who it could be. She opened the door as she saw how Conrad was sitting on the ground, body leaned against the wall, breathing heavily.

"Oh my..." Belly said as Conrad looked at her.

Belly closed the door as she rushed towards him cupping his cheeks as she could almost feel his heart beating. Conrad looked at Belly, the pain visible in his eyes, as Belly exhaled and sat down next to him.

"It's okay," Belly said still holding on tight to Conrad's hand.

"It's okay, just breath," Belly said.

"I can't," his voice was coarse and Belly knew that the experience scared Conrad.

Panic attacks didn't happen often to him. Belly knew of one time when he had to deal with knowing about the cancer on his own, but Cleveland was there. Belly looked at Conrad, scared for what could happen. She stood up as she pulled him up by his hands, his balance being off.

"Belly, I..." Conrad said while he tried to keep breathing.

Belly had taken Conrad's right hand, placing it on his heart as she placed his left hand on hers. He looked at her, confused at what she was doing, but not concentrating enough to say what was happening.

"Listen to my heart beating. With each beat, breath. Come on, you can do it," Belly said as Conrad shook his head.

"Hey," Belly said, gently placing her hand on his cheek.

"It's okay, I'm here. I'm right here, Conrad," Belly said as Conrad slowly started to breath.

Belly was scared out of her mind about what was happening to Conrad in that moment, btu she also knew that if she freaked out, she wouldn't be able to help him. She softly exhaled, her hand resting softly on his cheek, as Conrad exhaled. His breathing was as steady as Belly's heart beat at that moment, as he looked at her. She smiled at him, as they went to sit down on the couch. Belly looked at Conrad as his hands dropped into his hands, loud sobbing coming from it. She looked at him, as she gently rubbed circles over his back, trying to calm him down. 

In that moment, Conrad and Belly didn't have a horrible and heartbreaking break-up, but it also wasn't like they were together. For a brief moment, Belly forgot who she was with. Belly had looked at Conrad and she didn't see the boy who broke her heart. She saw the fourteen-year-old boy who took her to the carnival. The young teenager who had taught her how to dance. The boy who would always try to involved her in activities that the boys would plan. She saw her first love. Belly exhaled as Conrad rubbed her hands through his face, finally looking at Belly. His green eyes turned red. It was a sight that Belly never thought she would see. Conrad was the oldest of the 4 teens, but he was also the toughest, and Belly never thought that she would see him like that.

Conrad laid his head on Belly's lap as she gently stroke her fingers through his hair. Conrad's hair was always knotted, his mother loved that about him. But, he was also always at the beach. This year, they weren't. Belly exhaled, tears appearing in her own eyes, as she wiped the tears away. She didn't want Conrad seeing that she was breaking herself. She couldn't allow it.

"I'm so sorry," Conrad said, his voice coarse, as Belly didn't know where it came from.

"I was a coward at prom and I'll never forgive myself," Conrad said as Belly shook her head smiling.

"We were both. You don't have to forgive yourself, 'cause I already did it for both of us," Belly said as Conrad rose up and looked at her.

"Our relationship was rough, Conrad. Including the fact that Jeremiah was never able to accept it. Today, we don't focus on us though. We focus on what Susannah would have wanted," Belly said as Conrad nodded.

Conrad brushed Belly's hair out of her face, her brown eyes almost piercing through his soul. He smiled at her, leaning forward, and gently kissing her. Belly saw it coming, and cupped his cheeks in her hands. She didn't stop him from kissing her. She knew both of them needed it, yearned for it. She knew that both of them were in a way still dependent on one another. Conrad finally pulled away, still feeling Belly's hands on his cheeks, as he smiled and looked at her.

"That feels good," Conrad said, nuzzling his face deeper into her hands.

And in a way, it was all forgotten. Everything that happened was gone. They gave each other one more look as Belly fell into Conrad's arms, him holding her tightly and laid a kiss on her head.

"Can we just stay like this for awhile?" Belly asked as Conrad nodded.

"Was about to ask the same," Conrad said, and they forgot about everything.