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doubtful - senku ishigami

You've really got to hand it to him; science was awesome.

The way Senku charged forward with his passion, never once wavering in his love and belief in it despite the backlash and hardships he received was inspiring. All the time you spent around him had his determination and fearlessness inspiring you as well. And when you told him about your pursuit in learning more about astrophysics, all thanks to Senku's own fascination and all the crazy experiments he roped you into, he was more than ecstatic.

He's been the main provider for your fascination, being damned if he wouldn't take the opportunity to indulge you in the awesome power of and wonder that was science. It was a constant stream of information all coming from Senku, whether it was in the form of some texts he found or one of his rants on a related experiment. It even fuelled his own excitement of being able to talk science with you, eager to dump everything he's learned into your mind and show off every related experiment he's capable of.

Not that you were complaining in the slightest. You soaked up his knowledge and excitement like a sponge, just as eager to learn and indulge as Senku was. You traded information, having conversations that would last hours on the topic. Never once did either of you bore.

Though it wasn't long until your family had found your stash of books on the subject and had walked in on you pouring over the information in them. Family members skeptically eyed your notes and the titles of the books you were signing out from libraries and borrowing from Senku. They doubtfully questioned you, and it was as if a switch had been flipped in your head, suddenly feeling small and insecure under their disapproving and scrutinizing gazes.

It wasn't hurting anyone, it was just a hobby of yours. And they agreed. Besides, the benefits that came with having a career in the sciences was well worth the pursuit. What felt like a blow to the chest was the fact that they doubted this passion of yours, your capabilities and your commitment to it.

"You can't waste all this time on a hobby."

"Are you sure you have what it takes to pursue this?"

"I just don't know how suitable this is for you..."

"This interest will die out in a couple of months. Don't let yourself get caught up in something that will ultimately be of no value to you."

Words like these and long conversations about your family doubting your passion in astrophysics made it hard for you to continue enjoying learning the material, and your attitude toward it slowly started to shift.

This shift didn't go unnoticed by Senku, of course. He was all too familiar with people doubting the validity of his passion for science. His enthusiasm and insane experiments have gained him both admirers and people who doubted and even resented his eccentricity, viewing him as an oddity. He was all too familiar with people doubting his knowledge and science as a whole! Thus, it was why Senku was the perfect man to help you get back into your old mindset.

His mission to get you to believe in the awesome power of science started as soon as you first met him, but now he had to help you get back on the track to believing in yourself.

He remembers when you first reluctantly told him about this seed of doubt that had been planted into your mind, slowly invading your mind like an invasive plant.

Senku made sure to weed out the root of this seed before it could invade the rest of your mind, thorny and suffocating in vines. If there's anything his old man taught him, it was what support and indulgence could do and where it could take him.

He can tell you've become more doubtful in your knowledge when it came to your discussions, not as eager as you once were to share your findings and things that particularly interested you in the subject. Corrections Senku made seemed to fluster you all the more, even quiet you at times, no longer enthusiastically accepting his contributions to discussions.

Suddenly you don't feel as capable as Senku is. You watched his love of science grow up alongside him, and you're fearful that you just won't be able to commit to that interest as much as Senku does. What if you're no good at it? What if you never grow? What if you constantly fall behind? What if you lose interest entirely? The doubts in your mind were endless.

But to Senku, his love of science came very naturally, and he was able to tell that so was the case for you. It wasn't forced and you certainly weren't complaining when it came to indulging in the material. You were knowledgeable and capable in the subject, and above all, he could tell that you had fun with it. And ultimately, that was what you needed reminding of.

And so one afternoon after another no-go at getting easy discussion out of you, you had revealed to him in a messy jumble all these fears that were pulling you back from continuing to pursue this interest. He listened with a frown and furrowed brows as you explained to him the doubts your family had put in your mind, and reflected on them throughout.

And once you were finally done venting those doubts that were weighing you down like a boulder chained to your leg, a moment of silence followed.

Suddenly you're even more nervous than you began, having no clue what to expect from Senku's response. But then you hear him speak up: "So what?"

You immediately raised your head, staring at him in confusion. "What?"

"So what?" he echoed, a small smile breaking out over his face. "Science is trial and error. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of time to learn and apply. It can be frustrating and all the failures can be discouraging--if you choose to look at it that way."

He places his hands in front of his lap and propels himself forward, just slightly, so that his face is inches from yours. You're taken aback for a moment, and his smile still hasn't left him.

"Failure is part of the learning process, a big part! Doubt and speculation are what lead to more theories, more experiments, more learning, and more growth. And with every failure you learn something new, so you never really lose!"

He rests backward, but never leaves your gaze. His voice grows gentler, but doesn't lose any of its resolution. "You know this."

"And besides, science isn't about being the best. You like it 'cause it's fun, right?"

And his smile grows a little wider when he sees in your face the reminder slowly coming down on you, snapping you out of this trance of self-doubt.

This interest didn't develop out of a need to impress, for validation, or any other ulterior motive other than to indulge in a fascination that turned into a hobby you really truly loved. Not because of the praise it brought in from peers, but because you enjoyed immersing yourself in it, from the textbooks to the lengthy conversations to the experiments that took a hundred tries to get right. The successful end goals were just as fun as the insightful process. Even if it took a while to grasp certain concepts or review certain material, it was just all the more exciting and rewarding when it finally did click.

And though there would always be people who are hesitant to give their all and project those doubts, it shouldn't hold you back and have you following in their footsteps.

Besides, having Senku to indulge with certainly meant that you would never, ever have to doubt for long.