Saorsa

As it was

"Harper it's okay," I sigh, having listened to her ranting for the past ten minutes.

"No it's not! They can't keep you locked up here all day everyday," She scolds. "Yeah especially while you're sick," Miles adds.

It's been two days since they found me and brought me back here and things haven't really changed between me and Harper.

She forgave me surprisingly quick and just acted as if me using her to run away never happened. Emilio and Lucian on the other hand have not forgotten.

Which is why I'm only allowed out of my room when one of them are around to supervise.

Miles and me have also gotten closer, him and Harper have been sneaking into my room to keep me company everyday.

"Come on, the day is almost over and you need to get out of this stuffy room," Harper demands, trying to pull me off the bed.

'I don't want to get into anymore trouble," I sigh, having no energy left.

"If they get angry I'll deal with them," She promises, sending me a reassuring smile.

I eventually relent, letting her lead me and Miles to the living room before watching her scurry off across the room.

I watch curiously as she shifts through an unorganised looking cabinet, seemingly searching for something.

"Ah ha!" She exclaims, a huge grin across her face as she carries a box towards us. "Monopoly?" I question, a hint of amusement in my voice as I stare down at the familiar box.

"Um hm," She hum excitedly, plopping down on floor and opening the box.

We join her, sitting cross legged on the polished wooden floors as we sort out the money and our tokens.

Before we can start the game the front door opens, the three missing boys now loudly tumbling in with an arm full of shopping.

"Why are you out of-" Emilio begins to argue when he notices me but Harper immediately cuts him off. "We are playing Monopoly out here, if you don't like it you can go to your room," She says sassily, causing Lucian to smile.

Emilio huffs, placing his bags on the kitchen counter before sauntering over to us. "Monopoly?" He questions, an eyebrow raised.

"You're welcome to join us," Harper teases, waving some monopoly money at him. He thinks for a moment before silently sitting down, Lucian and Tyler following suit.

We play for upwards of an hour and I must say it was actually quite fun. It's quite refreshing being around people, I've spent so long on my own or completely dependent on James for company that I forgot what it was like to have fun with other people.

Although I couldn't fully enjoy myself because every once in a while I would remind myself that it's fake, we're not friends and they do not care about me.

"Alright we're going to bed," Lucian yawns, following Harper to their bedroom. "Same," Tyler announces, Miles trailing behind him.

Me and Emilio are left alone for a few seconds before he gets up, not being able to stand the tension.

"You can stay out here if you want, we've added double security so there's no way you can get out," He says absentmindedly, scrolling through his phone as he walks off.

I'm left in the dark room, still cross legged on the floor as I listen to each of their doors close one after another.

I eventually stand up, my eyes being drawn to the bright moon shining through the large glass doors leading out to the garden.

I find myself shuffling towards the door, my hand pulling down the handle and sliding it open. The cold air hits me as I slowly walk to the porch swing, sitting down amongst the numerous decretive pillows.

My legs dangle off the comfortable cushions, goosebumps arising on them as I shiver slightly. I pull out the small ipod shuffle Harper searched her entire room to find, quietly laughing at the wave of nostalgia it gives me.

I put in the headphones and let the soft hum of the music relax me as I stare out at the night sky.

I don't like the feeling being here gives me, that intense feeling of longing and emptiness. Back at the hostel my days were centred around surviving, just doing jobs and anything I could to be able to feed myself but now that I'm here I'm finally able to think.

I'd convinced myself that I was okay with dying, that it's my time and I had to accept that but now I'm not so sure.

Being able to listen to this music reminds me how much I've always loved it and how I've never been to a concert. Being around Lucian and Harper reminds me how much I want so desperately to be in love with someone who loves me back and being in the huge house, surrounded by beautiful nature reminds me how there's so much out there I could have had but never got the chance.

Tears start dripping down my face involuntary as I pull my legs into my chest, hugging them to give myself some sort of comfort.

Frank Sinatra's, Something Stupid plays in my ear reminding me of when me and my dad used to dance around the kitchen to this song, back when he loved me and I loved him and all was good in the world.

I wish I could go back, back to when the prospect of growing up was exciting and the world held nothing for me but possibilities.

I remember I would play with my dolls, imagining my future kids and husband all living under a cute little family home somewhere in the countryside.

It's not fair that I'll never be able to have it.

I purse my lips, trying to muffle my crying. I eventually result to placing a hand over my mouth as sobs rack through my body.

I'm crying so hard I don't even hear the door slide open.