Too Many Tears

Breathe

Gone, she's gone. The man points the gun at me when he sees me. 

"She tried to stab me." he says, shocked.

Maybe he didn't want to kill her but nonetheless, she's dead. My knees give out and I fall to the floor. I hear the door bang open and noises but my mind doesn't register them. A gun shot. I feel a sharp pain in my leg. My vision goes blank. 

3 hours later....

I wake up in a white bed, the room smells funny. I groan in pain. My legs on fire. 

"What...?" I mumble.

"You got shot but the doctor said you'll be fine" Someone says.

I must be in a hospital. I look to my side and see Professor Myers smiling sadly at me. I think back to what happened and dread fills me.

"Karla...is she okay?" I finally ask.

He sighs and starts to say something before he's interrupted.

My dad comes rushing in with an expression of concern on his face. His face lightens when I smile at him.

"I'm so glad your okay" he tells me.

With my dad here all my emotions start to flood in. I feel hot tears fall down my face. 

"Karla.....she's dead....no" I sob.

He grabs my hand and squeeze's lightly. The gesture hardly comforts me.

My professor gets up and leaves the room. I can't believe she's gone. My best friend, my only friend.

5 days later....

I'm laying in my old bed trying to practice the breathing exercises my therapist taught me. The breathing exercises help with the newly discovered panic attacks I have. After the incident my dad insisted I get a therapist. I reluctantly agreed and I had my first session yesterday. The only way he got me in so soon is because of the situation. 

The doctor told me I could go home if I stayed off my left leg. I have to use crutches for a little while. That also means I have to live with my dad for a few weeks. He took off 2 weeks of work for me.

Also, I'm doing all my schoolwork online.

After calming myself down I get up and call for my dad. He helps me get down the stairs with the crutches. I hop to the fridge and get milk. 

"Can you get me the Frosted Flakes?" I ask my dad. 

He nods and grabs the box from the cabinet. I make a bowl of cereal and sit down at the table. 

After eating my dad helps me back upstairs and I get started on schoolwork. The first thing that pops up when I turn on my computer is a message from Prof. Myers. He wanted to let me know that the college is hosting a memorial for Karla tomorrow. Her parents didn't want to do a funeral so she was just cremated. Karla... 

My heart rate races. I start to breathe but it doesn't work. 

I can't breathe! The tears fall faster. My chest hurts!

"Dad!" I scream.

He races up the stairs and pulls me into his arms. He helps me breathe through the panic attack. I lay my head on his shoulder and cry. I can't keep going like this.

"I know kiddo."

After a 20 minutes my dad has to leave to get some groceries. He tells me to call him if I need anything. 

I finish my school work for math and psychology. I want to be a therapist for kids and teens. 

Next is history. I start working on my assignment but realize I have no idea what it's talking about. God I hate History! I give up and lay down, craving the sweet relief of sleep. My eyes close and I drift off.

In the morning.....

I decided to go to Karla's memorial. My dad drives me to the campus and I walk into the auditorium. Kids stare at me as I walk by. I wonder what they think about everything?

I see professor Myers and he waves me over. He was the man that saved my life. I think about that constantly. 

"How have you been?" He asks.

I smile weakly.

"I've been okay."

He smiles back and tells me I could sit by him. I take his offer and we sit in the top seats. They start off by saying how much we all miss her. Unknowingly, I start to cry. I miss her, I miss her so much.

I look around and realize many other students crying. I guess they miss her too.

Myers goes down and says a few things along with other Professors. It's so heartwarming to see how they viewed Karla. The Principal asks if anybody has anything else to say. 

"If your comfortable you should say something" Myers tells me.

His words make me realize that I'm gonna regret not going down there and saying something about Klara. I take a deep breath and he helps me walk down the steps. Kids turn to stare at me but the Principal smiles brightly when she sees me. I sit down and she hands me the mic and I start to speak before someone interrupts.

"It's your fault she's dead!" Someone yells out.

My heart stops. 

"I.....she....It's not" I mutter.

The person that said it stands up. It's Emma, Karla and my's old friend. She left us when she got more popular. We used to go to the same high school.

"If you took her someone safer she wouldn't have died!"

I hear a few kids mutter in agreement. My head absent mindly shakes side to side. It's not.

"What... what was I supposed to do?"

My heart rate quickens, my chest tightening. Is it my fault. She has a point. I was being stupid taking her to my house. 

I hear the principal yelling next to me. Someone grabs my arm, supporting me and I'm lead away. Tears form quickly, I can't breathe. I crumble to the floor and sit there with my head down. This is bad, bad. She died because of me. I killed her. I can't breathe. 

Someone pick up my crippled form and carries me somewhere. I can't breathe. Me, it's all my fault. 

I'm placed in a chair.

"What do you see?" I hear someone ask faintly.

I look up, tears blurring my vision. It's a lady, I think. What does she want? 

"You."

"What do you hear?" She asks.

What's the point of all these questions? 

"Your voice."

My breathing starts to slow down.

"What do you smell?"

"Plastic."

"What do you feel?"

I realize I feel someone's hand in mine. It's strong, warm and slightly rough.

I look over and see Professor Myers. He looks concerned. 

"Your hand."

"How do you feel now?"

"I feel better" I say meaning it.

She nods and smiles. I attempt a smile back. She laughs and pats my knee. 

"Who are you?" I ask

She tells me she's the nurse of the college and that I just had a panic attack. I nod, realizing what happened. 

"Professor Myers brought you in."

I look over and smile at him. He moves his hand from mine. I frown, I liked his hand in mine. it made me feel safe. She gives me some water and tells me to sit down for a few minutes. 

Unfortunately, this gives me time to think. It's my fault.....