Too Many Tears

Guilt and Passion

After sitting in the nurses office for a while I realize I left my crutches in the auditorium. 

"My crutches" I mumble.

"I'll go get them for you" Myers says.

I also realize I don't know his first name. I feel like I should.

"What your name?" I ask.

He looks at me and answers with his last name. I shake my head.

"Your first name."

"Maxim" he replies.

I nod and he goes and gets my crutches, leaving me with the nurse.

"You like him don't you?" She asks, smiling.

I look at her in shock.

"What..."

"I can tell by the way you look at him honey."

I shake my head. Why does she think that? I don't like him like that.

"As a professor" I reply.

Now its her turn to shake her head. 

"Just remember, he's a lot older then you. But I think he might be hiding his feelings too."

He likes me? He can't like me. I'm just an immature kid who killed her best friend.

"I don't like him." 

"Okay, then."

He comes back and helps me with my crutches. He walks me to my dad's car and waves goodbye.

When I get home I realize I forgot to ask Myers about my assignment and sigh. I pick up my laptop and send him a quick email. Speaking of Myers...

Maybe the nurse was right, I do like him. He's helped me so much and I have to admit I always get butterflies when I'm with him. His hand in mine made me feel secure, happy. I want that with him. But, he can't possibly  want that with me. I think I might be going crazy. I've never had a crush on a professor or teacher before, ever! He always seems so put together but since the incident I've seen him change. 

It could just be because of seeing his student dead in front of him. Or, it could also be because he cares for me. Ugh! I don't know!

"Time for dinner Kiddo" my dad says, peaking his head in my room.

He helps me get downstairs and we eat. I go back upstairs and lay down, thinking of my professor.

________________________________________________________________________________

Her hand in mine were skipping through the halls of our new elementary school

"I can't believe we get to go to a school this big!" She tells me.

I giggle and we keep skipping until her mom stops us.

"Girls slow down!" She says, laughing.

We reluctantly stop so she can catch up and she hold's our hand. One of us on each side.

Suddenly I hear a gunshot and the halls turn dark, I can't see anything. I start to panic, looking around.

"Karla! Mrs. Williams!" I yell, frantically.

I step on something soft and trip. When I look down I let out a loud scream. Karla and her mom's bodies lay beneath me covered in blood. Karla's mouth moving.

"You killed me" She whispers.

I start to scream louder. My voice growing hoarse.........NO! NO! NO!

I wake up to my dad leaning over me concerned.

"You were screaming" He says.

I tell him I'm alright, just had a nightmare. He leaves me alone and the tears I'd been holding back fall down. How am I ever gonna get pass this?

In the morning I decide I want to go back to school. I can't stay in this house all day anymore. My dad after some convincing agrees and he drives me there.

I go through the day normally with only a few stares. Once I get to Myers class I walk in, confident. I'm gonna tell him how I feel today. When I walk in he looks up from his desk surprised.

"Charlie..."

"I wanna be here" I reply with a smile.

He nods and I sit down in the back row so I can see everyone.  He begins the lesson but my thoughts are trained on him. His dark brown hair normally styled is loose. His deep brown eyes have a hint of sadness in them. His shirt slightly untucked. He also seems tired, like he hasn't slept in days. Him and I have that in common.

Once his lecture is over and everybody leaves I decide to go for it.

"Professor Myers?" I ask.

'Yes Charlie?"

"I....." My confidence failing.

He looks into my eyes and smiles sadly.

I change my mind and ask about the assignment I had been struggling with. He never responded to my email. He quickly shows me what to do and I leave.

I can't do this! I get in my dad's car and we head home.

5 days later....

School has been pretty normal. No more mean comments. I haven't had anymore mental breakdowns so that's good.

I have a meeting with Myers today. He wants to discuss some things.

After school I sit outside his office waiting for him to finish. After failing to tell him about my crush we haven't talked outside of school.

"Charlie."

I get up and walk into his office. Sitting down, I look into my lap.

He clears his throat and I look up.

"I want you to be my student helper for the next few days during college orientation."

Unknowingly I start to smile.

"Really?"

He nods and hands me a piece of paper.

"Our goal is to help the new students coming in know what they need for class and how to manage the work load."

"You'll give them a different perspective" he continues.

I look over the paper and nod my head.

"I'll be ready."

I leave and start preparing for tomorrow. I just have to prepare a small speech about how I made it through my first year of college.

I get to spend all day with Professor Myers for the next 3 days. I can't lie, I'm excited. It's a really big honor to get chosen by a professor for this event.

I finally decide on a short speech and after eating dinner I practice it. I wanna make some type of impact on the students. I can't wait!