Too Many Tears

A Little Visit

As I walk into the prison I feel Maxim's hand on the small of my back. A small but comforting gesture meant to reassure me. I take a deep breath and my heart pounds in my chest. I'm scared but I won't let Trevor know that, I can't. 

Sitting down I look into my lap. Maxim sits next to me, his hand still in the same place. I look up into his brown eyes and smile. A weak smile but a smile nonetheless. I look away and that's when my world comes crashing down.

It's him.....

His ice grey eyes pierce into my soul as he looks at me. He smiles and mouths something.

Charlie my darling....

I hold his gaze refusing to be intimidated. Then he reaches over to touch me but a guard yanks him back, saying something into his ear. 

My heart leaps as he sits across from me, a little farther then arms length. I know he can't hurt me but I can't help but fear, fear for my heart. What he did isn't something I can just erase. No matter how bad I want to. 

"Hello sweetheart" Trevor finally says, sneering.

"You made it" I say with a smile.

I can get through this, I know I can. I just have to pretend I don't care. Be smart about it. 

"Have you fucked her yet?" he says, tilting his head towards Maxim.

The room becomes dead silent until he speaks again.

"I don't blame you, she's fantastic."

"You know what, fuck you! I came here to reasonably talk to you and that's the first fucking thing you ask!" I yell in an outburst, standing up.

He smiles and says nothing. God! I could just kill him with my own two hands!

"Darling, I know how bad you long for sex. Hell, you practically gave yourself to me" Trevor says, looking directly at me with those cruel eyes.

"Maxim, I'm done." I say through clenched teeth.

Maxim stands up and as were about to walk out I hear Trevor say one more thing.

"You don't know what your missing."

I keep walking trying to control my breath. Just breathe Charlie, breathe. The moment I walk out my legs shake and the tears flow. I lean against the wall to keep my body steady and curse myself for thinking I could handle him. Tried to trick myself into thinking he couldn't hurt me. He can, he still can. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump. I look up and realize it's just Maxim. His look is one of concern but not pity. I love that about him. Instead of feeling bad for me he tries his best to understand what I'm going through. He lets me lean against him as we walk to his car. 

"Maxim?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, for everything."

"You deserve everything."

I feel a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. He cares, really cares.

Once I get home I head up to my room. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna tell him how I feel. I'll go to his class on Monday and afterwards I'll tell him, everything. I can't help but remember what Trevor said but I know I'm doing this for love not lust. 

________________________________________________________________________________

Monday morning

I walk into History with a smile. I'm nervous but I know I can do this. I can't sit here and never let him know how I really feel. Especially after all that happened, I'm stronger now.

The lesson starts and besides the casual glance Maxim says nothing to me. I just barely started going to in person classes again and during school he never says much. He wants to be professional so people don't know that he's involved with what happened. I get that. 

Finally, class ends and I walk over to his desk.

"I need to tell you something."

He looks up from his desk and smiles softly. I smile back, trying to fight my nerves. You think after all I'd been through I wouldn't be nervous about something like this. I wish. I take a deep breathe, here goes nothing.

"I'm in love, with you" I say, searching his brown eyes for an answer.

I wait for it, knowing it's going to be a bad one.

"I know" is all he says.

I look at him in shock. He knows?

"Your going through traumatic changes, it's natural to be confused" He adds.

Confused? I'm not confused. I really love him. He's helped me so much. One of the few people who still care. Why is he acting like this?

"But....I really do."

He stays silent. Now I'm starting to get frustrated. Does he not care about me? Why is he pretending like my feelings don't matter?!

He goes back to typing on his computer. Ignoring me altogether.

"Don't just sit there and pretend you don't care!"

That gets his attention.

"If you don't feel the same way then tell me!"

He brings his fingers to his lips telling me to be quieter. I realize that people might hear me so I go back to my inside voice.

"Well?" I ask.

He sighs and stands up, getting closer. I back away on instinct.

"You want to know the truth?" He asks.

I nod before bumping into the wall behind me. He shuts the door and looks into my eyes. My body reacting to his stare.

"You really want this?" He asks, looking for verification.

"Yes."

I want...

No need....

Need his lips to replace the taste of Trevor's.

He lifts up my chin and leans in. His lips touching mine. A soft but subtle kiss. I kiss him back, hungrily. He pulls away.

"No..."I moan softly.

"You do know I'm twice your age, right?"

"I don't care."

He shakes his head and backs away. I don't want him to, I want him close to me.

"You must think I'm naive and stupid" I say, with a sigh.

"No, I don't think this is a good idea though."

"Your the one that kissed me" I throw back at him.

"That I did, but I shouldn't of, you've been through enough."

I walk closer to him. I realize then I have to tip toe to reach even close to his level. He might be around 5'11 maybe 6'0. I'm only 5'4. I kiss him again. Daring him to pull away. He doesn't. The kiss deepens. A feel a fire in my stomach. He grabs my waist and pulls me closer. I gasp, turned on.

He once again pulls away, out of breathe.

"I love you Maxim. What happened doesn't define me."

"I tried not to love you, but your so special. There's something about you that I can't explain" he says with desire in his eyes.

"Then stop trying" I say, pulling him back into a kiss.