𝘔𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 • Punznap [Compelted]

[intrenal breaki'naki]

•TW:SELF HATRED, AND BULLYING•

Sapnap
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I could hear them arguing abit before punz probably  left with the girl. And there I was to be left alone with my thoughts. I decided to sit on the balcony  and try to clear my mind.

"What is this feeling.. why did I want it to be me" I mutter.

I never felt like this before - I'm not sure  I ever even had a crush on a real person before. It was various animes that made me realize I wasn't straight, what turned my life upside down.

Why am I this why? Why do I have to be like this..  a fucking failure?

I could feel my eyes swell up with the salty misperfections I was always told men don't shed, it's a weakness, one I so easily give into when I'm alone with only me and my mind.

I don't understand  why I am who I am - or neccerily know who I am to the fullest, I never had a lover, never had any thing to test with.

All I had wore those toys - the ones I used often when home alone.. that I have with me.. always wanting the real thing but knew I was screwed.

If my parents ever found me comeing out accidentally anything more then a mispresented joke.

I could felt the misperceptions from my eyes run down my tanned face.

"Fucking weak." I muttered.. "but what's wrong with that?"

The fact I'll never have anyone - nobody would want a baby with self confidence issues, who is as many clime the stereotype for the freakish nature I am.

Punz is right I'm nothing more then a freak - no matter what I try to be I will always be that way. I was never istrested in parties. Or things like everyone else.

I always wanted to study - just to escape my shit home life quicker, but here  I am in Collage with  nobody but the one my parents said 'infected' me and he doesn't  even see me romanticlly.

What is it anymore? Will I ever find someone willing to love and comfort me, treat  me with respect and maybe take me at the alter.

Or will I end up married to some random chick I will never love, just so I could be some taboo  my parents are proud of.

I want to cut them off yeah - but for now I am sure they will have a wedding binder, or be playing my wedding.

I'm sure I'll get that sometime in Collage- and its gonna turn to be a bigger nightmare then this.

I think I'm catching fellings for my asshole of a roomate.. my mind wants to be in his arms as he does as he wishes to my body, my skin with his annoying yet hot mouth.

Yet with what I'm seeing I'd never get that... out of everyone it had to be him.

Or am I misreading my emotions.. confusing love with hatred its all so confusing.

God I don't want it to be him - yet  my feelings seem to have a mind of there own.

After my brief sobbing session I went back in sitting on my bed to see punz undressing and changing, who noticed me staring quickly..

What." Punz said looking at the male shirtless, "are you enjoying some kind of view?"

"No. Why would I ever like the view of an asshole" I snared back glaring out the window, showing weakness to a dick only asks for trouble.

Punz rolled his eyes, "Oh you're a bitch you know"

"Me a bitch? How so you've done nothing but be a colsso dick to me" I snared, "ironicly what the others warned me about is true!"

Oh dear.. what have I said... his face droped to annoyed and pissy.
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Ooo