meant to be • adam banks

chapter thirteen

ella

So far, I think that my decision to come home for the weekend has turned out to be a good one.

After last weekend, the last thing I need is to get myself distracted by Adam again. It doesn't help that he's in my lunch and a few of my classes, but I've somehow been able to make it work.

I'm really taking Sadie and Morgan's tough love seriously, because the last thing I want is to lose the two of them. No boy, not even Adam Banks, is going to cost me my best friends. Plain and simple.

Today has been a really productive day for me so far, and I don't plan on stopping. Even though I woke up at ten, I got all of my homework done, went on a quick run, took a shower, and cleaned my entire room. I don't even remember the last time my room was completely clean, that's how long it's been.

It's now a little after noon, and I'm just finishing with cleaning my closet when I hear the doorbell ring from downstairs. The sound confuses me a bit, because no one else is home besides me. Tyler's at school, all of my friends are back at school, and both Mom and Dad are out of town for a work trip, so there's really no one else I can think of besides any of them.

I quickly shove the rest of my unfolded clothes into a corner and make my way downstairs, trying to figure out who could possibly be at my house right now. I'm not expecting much, but my mood completely changes as I open the door and see the person standing on the other side of it.

Alex Larson.

"Hi Ella." he says quietly.

"Hi Alex." I respond in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know, to be honest." he answers, running a hand through his hair. "I wasn't even expecting you to be home."

I laugh awkwardly, trying to mask my utter bewilderment. "Then why are you here?"

"I just needed to talk to you." he mumbles, looking down at his feet.

My frustration starts to rise, because this conversation is literally going nowhere. "Okay? So talk."

He doesn't say anything, so I take it upon myself to grab his hand and drag him inside. I lead him to my living room and shove him on the couch, standing above him with my arms crossed. "Talk, Larson. I'm sorry, but you can't just show up at my doorstep with no explanation."

He puts his hands up in protest immediately. "Okay, okay, jeez. And before you get freaked out, no I'm not stalking you. I'm home for the weekend and had to drop something off at my mom and stepdad's house."

In his defense, Alex's mom and stepdad do live right down the street from me. I've seen him there a bunch of times over the years, whether he was there to stay with his mom, to drop things off for them, or to play hockey in the driveway with his half-brother. Like I've said before, he really is a decent guy.

"That's nice." I reply, watching as he relaxes a little bit. "That still doesn't explain why you're here though."

He sighs, and I take that moment of hesitation from him to take in the features that I've become so familiar with over the years. Light hair parted down the middle, dark brown eyes that are currently holding an unreadable expression, and a face that many girls have swooned over. As much as I hate to say it, he looks good. And I mean really good.

"I saw your car in the driveway as I was passing by, and I just knew I needed to talk to you."

My breath catches in my throat, because I have a feeling I know where this is going. "About what?"

"About what happened between us freshman year."

"Alex, that was-" I start, but he cuts me off quickly. "Ella, please. Just hear me out."

I nod and move to sit down next to him, completely unsure of what's about to happen. There's an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, until he finally starts to talk. "Did you know I used to have a crush on you?"

The question catches me completely off guard. "What?"

He laughs sarcastically, nodding his head in what seems like embarrassment. "Yeah. Pretty sad right?"

"Alex, don't say that." I say, trying the best I can to stay calm. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I couldn't." he responds with what seems like venom in his voice. "Everyone saw how obsessed you and Adam were with each other, it was only a matter of time before you guys got together."

"I wish you would've told me." I tell him, watching as his eyes go wide. "Maybe things would've been different."

"Don't give me that bullshit." he retorts, crossing his arms in anger. "There's no way I would've had one, not with Adam around. When you called me freshman year and told me how he fucked up, I was just as relieved as I was sad for you. Why do you think I agreed to your idea so quickly? I finally got the chance I was waiting for after so many years. And then, after it was all said and done, you just went back to him like it was nothing? That fucked me up Ella, more than you know. I lost it to you, I gave it all I had, and I ended up being just a fuck buddy until you decided to go back to Banks."

There are no words to describe the guilt and regret I feel, because I truly never meant to hurt him. I was just a stupid fifteen year old who didn't know how to process the pain she was feeling. And in the process of trying to block it all out, I gave a lifelong friend of mine a really good reason to hate me.

In an attempt to comfort him, I reach out and grab his hand. He shakes it away immediately, and for some reason, that triggers the tears to start falling.

I try to wipe them away quickly, because I shouldn't be the person who's crying right now. If anything, Alex is be the one who should be upset. But like the saint he is, he quickly starts to wipe the tears from my face. "Hey, don't cry. It's okay."

"I'm so sorry Alex. I'm so, so, so sorry." I repeat, trying my best not to embarrass myself more than I already have. "I really didn't mean to hurt you at all. I promise I didn't, everything just happened so quickly and-"

I feel myself being pulled into a hug, and I sink into the embrace. "It's okay El, I promise." he says softly. "I'm over it now. I'm sorry I yelled at you, you didn't deserve that. You're still one of my best friends, that will never change."

I finally sit up after a few more seconds, and I'm met with his gentle expression of care. Before I can stop myself, I'm muttering, "Adam and I broke up over the summer."

His shock is unhideable, but he tries to seem neutral. "Oh, I'm sorry. What happened?"

I shrug. "He just didn't want to be with me anymore. It is what it is though, right?"

"Right." he echos, his brain clearly somewhere else.

Before I can even process it, our faces are inches apart. "Ella..." he mutters, his voice barely above a whisper. "I can't do this."

"Why not?" I ask, flustered from what just happened.

"If I do this, I know I'm going to fall for you. It's inevitable." he answers, his face still inches from mine. "And I can't let myself get hurt again."

I swallow quickly and sit up, feeling as the guilt starts to rise again. "I understand. Just forget this even hap-"

I'm cut off by Alex kissing the crap out of me, and I can't stop myself from kissing back. When he pulls away, my brain is molten. "What... why? I thought you said you couldn't..."

"I don't care." he responds, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "It's a risk I'm absolutely willing to take."

**a/n**
leaving you on a cliffhanger bc why not😘 that and i had absolutely no idea how to continue/finish it haha
school has been kicking my butt i've already had like 5 tests. updates are going to slow down for a little until i get my routine in check but i wanted to get one out for you guys so here you go!
stick with me, i promise it'll get better... eventually
love ya be back soon heeheheheheeheeehe