21 - What Hurts The Most

1.2K 88 63
                                    

"Do you even realize what you're doing Y/N? For fuck's sake!" Y/N and Yejin, her older sister, were inside her room while Jay sat in the living room, listening to every single word that was exchanged between them, feeling like an intruder in a deeply personal moment. "Mom and Dad have been worried sick and you're out here fucking around with a guy you literally just met?"

He couldn't see Y/N, but he could imagine the look on her face as if he was in the room with them. A few minutes earlier, he carried Yejin upstairs so the two sisters could talk. He knew they needed this conversation and so he remained in the living room, giving them the space they needed even if he could hear everything. 

"I wasn't trying to be reckless or irresponsible... I just needed some space-"

"I know you're grieving and you need time but you can't just disappear as if you don't have a family that would worry about you! It's been four fucking months since Sungho passed away and all we did was be there for you, Y/N. We know and we understand how much he meant to you so we never complained about how you gave up on yourself and your life, but this? Leaving without a word? You're fucking up everyone's emotions even more!"

"You don't u-understand!" Y/N's voice wavered and Jay's heart ached for her. The last thing he wanted was to cause any more distress. He wished he could just disappear from the situation, but he knew that Y/N needed to confront her sister no matter how much it hurt. "I couldn't bear staying in that city. I couldn't bear being surrounded by memories of him wherever I went! Every single day! It was suffocating, Yejin, you don't get it!"

Jay could practically hear the tears in Y/N's voice, and he fought the urge to rush to her side, to hold her and tell her that he understood, that he was there for her. But Yejin's next words cut through the tension like a knife. "You think Sungho would want this for you? Running off with a guy you barely know?" 

Y/N's breath caught in her throat as Yejin's words hit her like a shockwave. She froze, her eyes wide with disbelief and hurt. "How dare you?" Her fists were clenched so tightly her knuckles were turning white. "Do you think I don't know what Sungho would want for me? Do you think I haven't thought about him every single day since he's been gone?"

Jay knew this would hurt Y/N more than anything, but he also recognized Yejin's desperation to reach her sister. From the living room, he clenched his hands into fists and hoped Yejin could be a little more understanding.

"Is that why you're staying with a complete stranger? You said he makes you feel comfortable but is it because you genuinely like him or because he's a distraction?" Jay felt a knot form in his stomach at her words, knowing Y/N was already dealing with enough guilt and doubt about the whole situation. 

Just when he thought it couldn't get worse, Heeseung, Jake, and Sunghoon stepped into the place, their eyebrows furrowed while exchanging confused glances. "He's not just a distraction; he's helping me heal!" Y/N's voice from inside the room made them pause and turn their attention toward Jay who was looking down. "I can't believe you would say something so cruel-"

"I'm just saying what everyone else is probably thinking! It's pathetic how you've replaced Sungho with this stranger, clinging to him because you can't move on." She sighed heavily while the room fell into a heavy silence. Heeseung and the others exchanged shocked glances, unable to believe the harshness of Yejin's words. "Come back home, Y/N. Stop fooling around and acting like Sungho's death is a never-ending excuse for your poor choices."

The door swung open and Yejin rolled her wheelchair out, tightening her grip on it when she spotted the other three unfamiliar faces in the room. Her eyes were red-rimmed, revealing that her harsh words hadn't come without an emotional toll on her as well.

"Who are you to speak about him like that?" Heeseung frowned, hating the way she spoke about Jay as if he was merely an inconvenience or a replacement. "You're Y/N's sister, right? Is this you being the good older sibling, trying to look out for her?"

Yejin sighed, rolling her eyes in frustration. "Who are you to even question my concern for my sister?

"You're being delusional if you think this is a concern." He scoffed, shaking his head. "You're only hurting her more than she's already hurting. And you're talking shit about Jay instead of being thankful he let her in and stopped her from ending her life? You're physically disabled, but it looks like your emotional understanding is even more impaired."

"Heeseung," Jay spoke, his fists trembling at his sides before he stood up, watching Yejin's jaw clench as Heeseung's words hit her like a sharp blow. "Let me carry you downstairs." He carefully approached Yejin's wheelchair, his voice softer now as he gently carried her into his arms, making sure she was comfortable.

Y/N watched them with tears falling down her cheeks while they made their way downstairs before she walked back into her room and swung the door shut behind her. Jay tried his best not to trip on the steps while holding Yejin."Thank you." She hesitantly said when he helped her get into her wheelchair again, not able to look him in the eyes. She knew he had acted out of kindness, despite her hurtful words.

"I'm sorry about what happened." He looked down, trying to find the right words to say so that she didn't feel alone in her emotions. Even if her words were harsh, he knew that they only came from a place of concern for her sister. "My intention was never to replace anyone in Y/N's life. I'm only a man who's trying his best to make her happy again. I can't replace Sungho nor would I try to."

Yejin's gaze softened as she looked at Jay, her initial anger giving way to guilt. She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I know I shouldn't have said those things... I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, I understand." He smiled faintly even though his heart broke at the words she uttered earlier. "I promise Y/N will come back home soon. You and I both care about her deeply, and I want nothing more than to see her find happiness and comfort."

"I appreciate it." She nodded, looking down at her fidgeting fingers. "I've been looking for her everywhere. We were very worried... please just make her come back." Jay's promise made his break into pieces but he knew that he needed to keep his word. 

After Yejin left, he walked upstairs to find Heeseung and the two others standing there, their expressions apologetic. "I didn't mean to-" Heeseung started speaking but Jay's fist landed squarely on the wall beside him, creating a loud thud that echoed in the hallway. Startled, Heeseung fell silent, his hands slightly shaking. 

"This was supposed to land on your face, Hyung." Jay's voice was strained, his knuckles bleeding from the force of his punch against the wall. His frustration had reached its peak, and his anger was difficult to contain. "You should leave before I do something I'll regret."

Heeseung swallowed hard before he left the place along with Sunghoon and Jake who just wanted to give space to Jay because he rarely got mad but the moment he did, it was clear that his emotions were intense and raw. Alone in the hallway, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before he walked to Y/N's room. 

He knocked softly on the door and waited for a moment that felt like an eternity, his heart pounding in his chest. When there was no response, he took another deep breath and tried to steady his voice. "Y/N, please open the door." But there was no response, just the haunting echo of his own plea that made his heart sink. He pressed his forehead against the door, his eyes closed as he tried to breathe correctly. "Sunshine, I want to be here for you, in whatever way you'll allow me. Please, just open the door so I can see your face and know you're okay."

When he thought she wouldn't open the door, he could hear the sound of the door unlocking. Slowly, it creaked open, revealing Y/N's tear-streaked face. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her usually radiant smile was nowhere to be seen. She avoided direct eye contact, her gaze fixed on a point just over his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry you had to h-hear all of that... I'm so sorry-" When she looked down and saw the blood on Jay's knuckles, her breath caught in her throat. "Your hand... you're hurt."

"Yeah," He nodded, his eyes never leaving her face. "I am hurt, but not because of my hand. It's my heart that's hurting the most right now."

✓ BETTER IN BUSAN | JAYWhere stories live. Discover now