Chapter 15

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I dress with the intention of looking powerful fluttering on the edge of my mind

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I dress with the intention of looking powerful fluttering on the edge of my mind. I choose a mock neck blouse with balloon sleeves and sleek, straight-leg trousers. The outfit is crisp white, which sets off the black locks that fall below my shoulders. Before I throw a black winter coat over it, I check myself in the cheap, full-length mirror that Austin and I stuck on the wall of our bedroom.

Let Chris mistake me for a teacher now, I think.

I buzz with nervous energy tinged with rage the entire automated streetcar ride to the Movement HQ by the lakeshore. I remain standing, and grab one of the upper handles. I can't sit. My eyes open so wide they hurt, and I gaze over heads in search of my stop. It comes and I squeeze through the crowd toward the door. On the sidewalk, I briefly consider coffee but then thrust the thought aside. My future is at stake, and I can't stop, even for the minutes it would take me to order a hot drink.

When the elevator doors finally slide open on the second floor of the once-warehouse loft, I stride into the room and slam into a wall of silence.

My pace immediately slows. Usually when I show up here, there are at least a handful of others milling about, ready for commiseration. But the entire place is empty and barely lit.

I walk further into the room, past the clustered desks, towards the kitchenette that lines the wall below massive, ancient windows. The door to the bathroom stands open, and there's no one inside.

I sidle up to one of the desks and lean into it, taking a quick moment to send Miriam a message. "Coming downtown today?"

I'm not surprised when she doesn't immediately answer, but the air is quickly seeping out of my tires. My steps towards the exit are reluctant, and when my hand hovers over the elevator button, I hear someone clear their throat.

I spin towards the source of the sound. The upper meeting room, of course.

I take the stairs two at a time and spot Chris as I throw the door open. The white flash of December midday light on glass makes him look up at me.

He's sitting at the head of the long table, shuffling papers on the surface in front of him. Surprise and suspicion cross his face. "Andrea, what are you –"

"Where were you?" I surprise myself with the words and my pulse lurches forward. I take long strides and close the distance between us faster than I'd intended. "Why did you leave me like that?"

"Wha... what are you talking about?" His brow furrows in confusion, and I stare at his face for a moment, deciding whether his reaction is feigned.

"When was the last time we saw each other, Chris?" I prompt, a quaver in my voice as I utter his name.

His expression quickly smooths. "The school... look, Andrea, I didn't mean to –"

"I don't want to hear it. You left me there. You destroyed the machine, and then you just left me on my own."

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